Even though most rules are highly flexible and adaptable to the individual, there are some basic tenants which apply to just about everyone.

For this reason, I have been commissioned to make a list of the 30 most important rules while gambling in Las Vegas ... as I personally see them. My own personal "Gambler's Manifesto" if you will.

Why 30 rules?

Well, why the hell not?

Sure, I could have stopped at 29 1/2 like most people, but I go the extra mile.

So, without further ado, I present the most comprehensive list of Las Vegas gambling rules ever compiled ... or at least those that came to mind over the last couple of weeks during my own gaming sessions.

Enjoy.

1. Don't Gamble Drunk

In my opinion, this is the most important rule of all. It is also the most violated rule. There is a reason that the house plies patrons with booze, and that is because alcohol is a drug which promotes impulsive and reckless behavior. If you drink excessively while gambling, you most likely will lose everything. If you do manage to win, you'll be easy to rob on your way back to your room.

2. Don't Get Caught Cheating

I suppose "getting caught" is the operative phrase. It's hard to define exactly what is and is not cheating in the casino. If you accidentally see your neighbor's cards, is that cheating? If the machine accidentally overpays, is that cheating? What if you see the dealers hole card or you try to count cards? If you decide to enter a moral grey area, at least make damn sure you don't get caught. The repercussions will be swift and severe.

3. Use Your Player's Card

Unfortunately, this is a rule I violate constantly. I have so many player's cards, that carrying them all is a burden. I'm out of slots in my wallet, and I tend to shove them all in the bill compartment. Because of this, I often don't bother with them. The problem is, when I find myself on a monster, impromptu, coin-in run ... it often goes unrecognized by the house. Note that using the card is not playing for comps. The fact that I often play without a card is proof that I do not chase comps. Not playing with a card, however, means that I have given away untold freebies over the years for play that I would have given to the house anyway. Whether you play $1/night or $10,000/night, be sure to use your card. It adds up quickly, and you just never know when the urge for a marathon session is going to strike. Not using your card is the equivalent to leaving money on the table.

4. Don't Swear/Cuss

This is not a rule I agree with, but it is one that I have had imposed upon me. Some people still believe in the Tooth Fairy, some believe in Jesus, and some believe in "Cuss Words". Fighting this mini-religion is a losing cause. Instead of raging against the machine, figure out what "cuss words" your local casino observes, and avoid using them. It's just easier.

5. Tip Fairly

Due to tip pooling and the omnipresence of tip jars and outstretched hands, "fair" tipping is becoming a nearly unquantifiable entity. Las Vegas would have you believe that "fair" tipping means emptying your wallet at the feet of every person you encounter in this town. As such, I hesitate to add this to the list, but the fact is that most dealers still depend on tips because their corporate masters simply do not want to pay them a fair wage. This being the case, pushing a couple of chips to the dealer ever so often is still a good idea ... even though it is getting harder to justify.

6. Pay Attention

I've lost my share of money misreading the board, forgetting what my pocket cards were, getting absorbed with what was on the television, or watching the waitress shake her ass while walking across the room. For these reasons, I have learned to focus over the years. Pay attention to what is going on in the game, and you'll have more money to relax with later. The only thing worse than losing is having the victory within your reach, and dropping the ball.

7. Don't Forget to Redeem Your Tickets/Chips

You would be surprised by how many times people mail me chips or tickets to redeem for them. Once tickets are stuffed into your wallet, it can be easy to forget they exist, or it may be very inconvenient to go back through every property to cash out. For this reason, I always cash out large tickets or wins immediately. In Vegas, you also run the risk of the casino becoming insolvent between trips. Vegas casinos are second only to U.S. banks as risky places to hold your money.

8. Have a Goal in Mind

My goal in any given session is to double up. If I achieve this, I walk. If I don't walk I will give it back. Period. When you are gambling, you will eventually lose, and the longer you play, the more you will statistically lose. Booking profits frequently, and playing with "won" money instead of principal is the absolute best way to gamble if you can catch a lucky break early.

9. Bet for the Dealer

When playing Blackjack, I prefer this to outright tipping. Almost all interaction with dealers are phony and insincere. They honestly could not care less where you are from or if you are having a good vacation. Most of them probably wish you would keel over and die in your seat. At least they would get a break. Betting for the dealer is the only time they sincerely care whether you win or not. They pay more attention to you, and they genuinely cheer for "you" when you win and groan when "you" lose. Straight tips are taken for granted with a nod and a tap. Betting on the dealer's behalf is a more fun way to tip.

10. Don't Give Away Points

Sports teams get paid whether they win or lose. Most teams, especially professional teams, have little incentive to score a given number of points. They just need to score one more than their opponent. For this reason, spotting points to a professional team is an illogical endeavor. If I am positive that a team will win, I take the money line and give up the vig. Teams strive to win, not to achieve a specific point differential. On the other side of this coin, if a professional team is being given a large number of points, I will often take it. The '07-'08 Patriots were the best team I ever religiously bet against, and won nearly every time.

11. Don't Play Tired/Sleepy

Studies have shown that being tired is almost as bad as being drunk with regards to mental tasks. This is one of the reasons why my favorite time to play is in the morning. It also helps that the early morning is when tables are full of tired people. If you are alert you have an advantage, if you are tired you have a disadvantage. Playing tired will make you more prone to mistakes, and tired people also have more trouble controlling their emotions, leading to playing on tilt.

12. Don't Critique the Play of Others

It's my goddamn money and they are my goddamn cards. I don't care if you would have played it differently. If I did care, I would have asked you. I, and others, are free to play like morons if we so choose. If you want to bankroll me, I'll play your way. Otherwise, shut the f**k up and worry about your own hand. Chances are, you are nowhere near as good as you think you are.

13. Don't Blow Smoke into People's Faces

Smokers can be the most obnoxious and unsympathetic drug users on the planet. A larger-than-usual number of smokers are oblivious to the comfort of those around them. I wish they could find a way to shoot up instead. Whether it is flicking a cigarette out of a car window and starting a wildfire, using playground sandboxes as ashtrays, or blowing smoke in the face of others ... smokers have a pathological unawareness of their own habit, and they feel it is an affront to their "rights" to even exercise a modicum of courtesy. Just because you can do something doesn't mean you should. Smokers are their own worst PR, and for this reason, the legislative backlash against them will continue. Try to be reasonable ... before it's too late and the drug is banned outright.

14. Don't Play for Comps

I've been guilty of this in the past, but I've learned my lesson. Years ago, I was determined to get two free buffet comps at Red Rock. I plugged money into a Video Poker machine and watched my point totals go up and up and up. By the time I had earned enough points for my meals, I was down $300. In essence, I paid $150/person for the buffet instead of $25. In Las Vegas, comps are never worth what you lose, or are expected to lose. If they were, the casinos would quickly go out of business. Play as you normally would, and pay no attention to the points. If you get something, let it be a pleasant surprise, but don't chase it. No matter how lucrative the comp, you are always better off buying it with your own cash than trying to win it via excessive play.

15. Don't Bring Kids to Gamble

This one should be self-evident, but if there is one thing I have learned in life, it is that nothing is self-evident. Last summer, I almost tripped over a stroller that was strategically parked next to the Las Vegas Club Fetish Pit of all places. There is nothing wrong with bringing kids to Vegas. There are a lot of things for them to do here. Hanging out near the gaming tables isn't one of them. Bring a family member to babysit your kids, or just forgo gambling when you bring Bratford and Shitney.

Check back next week for part 2...