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The Sirens of TI
October 31, 2008
The Sirens of TI is a very polarizing show here in Las Vegas. Some people hate it with an insane passion, and call for its demise on a frequent basis. Sure, I remember the good old days of the Pirate Battle in front of the T.I., and it was always entertaining and received rave reviews. Back in the year 2000, I stayed in an old motel on The Strip called the "Vagabond Inn", and had a perfect view of the Pirates show several times each night. I loved the thing. Since they revamped the show a couple of years ago to “Sirens” I have heard nothing but bad things about it. As a matter of fact, if you ask around, "I hate it" is actually the majority opinion. However, as is often the case, I dissent from the majority. I think the show is great, and my liking it is tantamount to heresy in the City of ... Read the full blog post...
In Honor of the Las Vegas Timeshare Greeter
We’ve all seen them. We’ve all been forced to talk to them. The suited, ever-smiling ambassadors of goodwill at the entrance to every mid-level casino. The timeshare greeter. What I have never understood is … why do people find them so annoying? These people are some of our greatest employees, and the only people who get annoyed at them, are the people who have not figured out how to use the timeshare folks for their own entertainment, or claim them as personal therapists. We’ve all heard these lines a thousand times … Excuse me, sir … how long are you in town for? Would you be interested in seeing a free show? Hello, how are you enjoying your vacation? Yes, these people seem very friendly and interested in your vacation indeed. And the human social structure teaches us that we should answer these questions. And it is exactly this social expectation that the timeshare folks are taught ... Read the full blog post...
Tourists Are Stupid
Look … I’m sorry for the title, but it really is just the only thing that comes to mind. I know I should be more gracious to our guests, and I’m trying (I really, really am) but just damn … some people really should just stay on the dairy farm. While I was on The Strip, the above elevator was the scene of the crime. The elevator is located next to Bill’s at Las Vegas Boulevard and Flamingo Ave, and it brings people up to the overpass where they can walk directly over to Caesar's Palace, and vice-versa. I got on the elevator at the skywalk to go down, and moved toward the glass (back of the elevator) so the tourists behind me could get on. I turned around to look out the window, and after about 60 seconds of not moving, I turned back and asked the crowd behind me if anyone had ... Read the full blog post...
Casino ATM Fees Should Be Abolished
October 30, 2008
Casino ATMs have always been a source of curiosity for me. Not the presence of the ATMs themselves. Those make perfect sense. However, the ridiculous fees that they charge do not make sense. Why on earth would they want to hinder anyone from getting cash out of their bank accounts in a casino? They are happy to comp me all the free drinks I want, but won’t waive a $3.00+ service fee so I can lose $500 more in the pit? Really? How asinine is that? There have been times when I was actually going to play another $100 at the Blackjack table or VP machine, but I didn’t want to pay 3.5% to the machine, so I went home a little early. I was obviously on the fence, and didn’t want to play that badly ... so all it took to make the decision for me was the "fee". I took one look at it, and ... Read the full blog post...
Royal Flush At The Grocery Store
The idiosyncrasies of this town really never cease to keep life interesting. For those of you who are not aware, we have gaming machines everywhere. They are in 7-11, K-Mart, gas stations, the airport, and yes ... even grocery stores and pharmacies. Pretty soon we will probably have them in doctor's offices, maternity wards, police stations, and methadone clinics. I mean, it makes sense to go ahead and prey on people's addictions ... it's the Las Vegas way. Anyway, I recently decided to walk over to Albertson's to pick up a few things. Believe it or not, in Las Vegas there are actual human beings who still require food and water for sustenance. Yeah, I'm as surprised as you are. Most people think we are just stupid, conniving, filthy creatures who feed on the misery of others ... and while true to a certain extent, we also like the occasional peanut butter and jelly sandwich ... Read the full blog post...
Confessions of a Ten Splitter
I am going to make the mother of all gambling confessions. Every now and then, I do the unthinkable. I have been known to split 10's against a dealer 5 or 6 when dabbling with rudimentary card counting. If the count is in my favor, I might split them hoping for two winners against a dealer bust. Sometimes I just feel like taking the risk if it is a $10 game, and I get the urge to go for a double. Sure, go ahead and laugh, tell me I am an idiot, and post hateful comments ... but you will simply be engaging in mental masturbation. I looked online for the expected return for splitting 10's. Supposedly when the deck is neutral (i.e. there is no count), splitting tens versus a dealer six nets a +.57 per dollar yield, whereas standing nets +.70 per dollar over the long run. That's not a huge difference, and both plays are ... Read the full blog post...
We've Been Deserted
At least that was the headline that screamed across Bloomberg News today. The headline actually read, and I quote "MGM Mirage Profit Falls as Gamblers Desert Vegas" MGM reported earnings today, and their profits have taken a 67% hit. In addition, The Strip as a whole is expected to post its largest gaming revenue decline in .... well, in the history of Las Vegas. But wait, there's more. Remember those City Center financing issues I spoke about in a previous article? They are being discussed again. MGM/Mirage investors are now in the unenviable position of trying to figure out whether or not they will have enough cash and financing to even finish the City Center project who's unfinished steel and glass skeleton is currently dominating the Las Vegas skyline. There actually is doubt as to whether they will be able to procure the additional revenue to finish the project. Frankly, being only 10 months away from opening, it is ... Read the full blog post...
Is Rex The Most Handsome Man In Las Vegas?
According to some random stripper in an unlit room … yes! Then she asked me for some money. Not too long ago, I had to meet someone who had come to Las Vegas to visit, and figured that since I hadn’t been to a Strip Club in awhile, why not there? It was 4pm. Well off-peak, and bound to be pretty empty except for maybe one or two women shaking their groove thangs. It was not a good decision. I walked in, and there were about 10 girls for every customer. Now I know how attractive girls at Las Vegas pools feel. Like a grossly outnumbered piece of meat. They were literally fighting over me … “I talked to him first!” … catfights, well .. at least cat arguments ensued. There was a girl on the main stage with a nice, round, bubble-shaped ass. I wanted to sit back and watch her while waiting. But, noooooooooooooo. I ... Read the full blog post...
The "$20 Trick" Does Not Exist
For years, people have asked me about the "$20 Trick". The "trick" revolves around slipping a Las Vegas Hotel check in clerk a twenty dollar bill in order to get a better room. This supposed “trick” is the thing of such lore, it is so popular … that there are entire websites and forums devoted to the very topic. I always avoid answering the question, and I generally stay out of the threads altogether about the topic. Why? Because I don’t want to insult people and kill the fun of this little endeavor. However, now I think the point has come where someone needs to state the obvious. Sadly, that responsibility usually falls on me. I’m going to let you all in on a little secret. There is no such thing as the $20 trick!!! It’s like “tricking” the cocktail waitress into bringing your drinks faster by tipping her more. There is no “trick” to it whatsoever. Since the dawn of ... Read the full blog post...
Las Vegas Monorail Sheds Customer Service … And The Locals Fare … Sort Of
October 29, 2008
Take a ride with me on the Las Vegas Monorail from the Convention Center Station to the Harrah's Station: As many people know from reading my other articles, I frequently ride the Las Vegas Monorail. My home is a four minute walk from a station, and this relieves the need to hop in a car in order to access The Strip. However, the monorail, like most of Las Vegas, is apparently in major trouble. I found out that they eliminated free Wi-Fi from the stations, and just this weekend I found out something else that they eliminated ... customer service. And I don't mean that in the usual way by implying that the clerks are rude. I mean that they have eliminated the customer service booths altogether in all but two stations ... MGM and Sahara. This is really going to be a pain in the ass for me, because I usually get my $1 ... Read the full blog post...
