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As a general rule, I don’t interview other people if I can help it.

The reasons for this aren’t terribly compelling, but they are reasons nonetheless.

First of all, unless I know someone pretty well, I generally don’t seek out their opinions.  I will listen if they offer them, but I don’t necessarily care one way or the other.

Q:  What does Christina Milian think about Las Vegas?
A:  Who gives a flying f**k.  Show me your tits, bring me a beer, or make space for someone who will.  I would greatly prefer the former (seriously, I would wreck that chick like JFK Jr. in a Piper Saratoga).

Second, I was in a business which was somewhat high profile and I never had a burning desire to be on the other end of the tape recorder or camera asking the questions.  After spending the better part of a decade surrounded by “celebrities”, believe me when I tell you that most janitors are far more fascinating.  I’m not being facetious.

There are some great interviewers out there who are absolutely fantastic.  They can really bring a person out and provide a great deal of information to the reader.  I respect these people very much, but unfortunately I’ll never be one of them.

My apathy is palpable, and I think it puts people ill at ease.

I would still like to try and interview Jamie to see if or how much she was paid to go away, but I’m pretty sure I would be whacked in short order were I ever to do so.

The third reason I generally shy away from conducting interviews here is the widespread observance of West Coast “ish” time.  Within 100 miles of the State of California, there is no such thing as noon, only noon-ish.

Back East, if I had a meeting scheduled for 2, I was there at 1:59 at the absolute latest.  On the West Coast, 2pm means “any time between 3pm and 4pm”.  Unfortunately, I’m nowhere near this flexible.  Contrary to popular belief, I really don’t sit around and whack off all day.  Except Saturdays when that is exactly what I do.

“Thanks for ten paragraphs of self-indulgent s**t, Rex.  Do you have a point or do you want to talk about yourself some more?”

I guess a little of both.

As some people are aware, I am both a view junkie and an aviation buff.  I frequently seek out the highest spots in the Valley from which to take photographs, and I also enjoy riding in all types of aircraft.

When I learned that a brand new attraction was opening on the South End of The Strip that provided a combination of the two, for the first time in a few months I was genuinely excited about something.  This ride consists of the world’s largest helium balloon and is called “Cloud Nine”.

For once I actually wanted to talk to someone about their endeavor.  The fact that the guy is not a “celebrity” and is just a dude with an idea and the balls to make it happen in this rough economy was all the more compelling.

After reading about it last Friday, someone called the Cloud 9 office on my behalf, explained who I was, and they were put through to the owner of the company, Mr. Michaels.  It was explained to Mr. Michaels that I was a bit unconventional and slightly elusive, yet I was still interested in writing an article about Cloud 9.  He was told that I greatly preferred to do so when there weren’t too many other people around.

Mr. Micheal said that “media day” was Thursday, October 8th, but given my circumstances he would be happy to meet with me today, October 7th at 2pm … a full day before the maiden, grand opening flight.

Yay me.

Sometimes life sucks a little less than usual.

On Monday of this week we followed up, and he asked if we could make it 3:30pm instead because there were some promotional photos that needed to be taken that day.  Of course this was cool.

Still a native creature of the East Coast, I arrived early to the venue today (a little before 3:00pm).  I didn’t want to be rude by keeping the man waiting who was going out of his way, and it gave me the opportunity to observe the promotional shoot, take some close-ups from the ground, and talk to some of the employees.

Before I knew it, 3:00 became 3:30 … which became 3:37, and I became a bit antsy because I had something to do later.  I may not have a wonderful life, but it’s a life nonetheless.

Apologies were made for keeping me waiting, and I just smiled and said “No problem”.

It’s usually a bad idea to say this because people take it literally.

Fast forward to 4:07pm, and it began to be a problem.

I told the receptionist that I would be back at 5pm, went to speak with someone at Luxor, came back to Cloud 9 at 4:45pm to find the crew still busy, and I just cut out without saying anything.

While these delays are probably par for the course with regards to interviews, it’s not something that I handle gracefully.  As I drove away, I second guessed myself as to whether or not I had made the right decision.  It could have been a good interview.

I didn’t just want to ask questions like “Are you happy to be in Las Vegas?” or other queries with painfully obvious answers.  I intended to ask a few questions that the mainstream wouldn’t.

I wanted to ask what would happen were the balloon to break loose … would we perish or land a few days later in Ohio.

I wanted to ask if company policy indicated that we could eat a stewardess for sustenance under such a renegade balloon scenario.

I was going to ask if he would allow people to join the 500′ high club, or if coitus was specifically banned in the balloon.

I was also going to ask “real” questions about how the ambient air temperature affected the dynamics of the balloon, what maximum wind speeds the balloon could sustain, and what FAA permits were required to operate the ride.

Instead of penning the answers to these questions, I am writing “ode to my ego”.

Sometimes you have to work with what you’ve got.

Now look, I know s**t happens.  The night before a grand opening is a big deal and I’m sure that he had many other things going on.  They were taking publicity shots, and there were 50+ people all vying for the attention of the owner.  This was his big day.  I know for a fact that he was absolutely overwhelmed, and that the photographers were running late.

He seems like a really nice guy, and I know this was not intentional.

Had I been a little more patient, I would have gotten the interview and the ride.  Nobody was mean or rude.

There are some things that I generally don’t do, however, and waiting for others is one of them.

Am I a self-important prick who thinks that my time is more valuable than everyone else’s?

Probably.

But we all have our quirks, and it’s not like I’m a serial killer.

I’m not patient, and I am intolerant when people make me wait.  I once billed a doctor $50 for a missed appointment when he was 15 minutes late because there was a sign in the office that said “There will be a $50 charge for all missed appointments”.

I took a cellphone picture of the sign and included it with the invoice.  He never paid up, and it’s not worth court costs, but I still reserve the right to pursue collections with interest.

As far as Cloud 9 is concerned, I would have been happy to pay $25 to go on the balloon ride as a tourist if I knew the schedule would be a problem.  I’m not trying to brag, but with all of the money I save on shoes and haircare products, I can actually afford twenty five dollars.

In retrospect, I wish that this is what I would have done.  I shouldn’t have involved other people.  It never works out well.

Anyway, Cloud 9 sits directly across from the Mandalay Bay.

The balloon rises to an elevation of approximately 500 feet, and can carry thirty people at a time.  It holds 210,000 cubic feet of helium, is 100′ high, and is priced at about $20 – $30 per person.

The ribbon cutting ceremony takes place tomorrow at 9am at which time the media, VIP’s, and Oscar “Damn the Demise of our City, I Never Miss a Photo Op” Goodman is expected to be there.  The maiden voyage will culminate with a champagne toast at the apex of the flight.

At some point I will no doubt go back and throw down a few greenbacks to experience the attraction for myself.

I still like the concept, and I no doubt would have been thrilled to take the ride.  I am very disappointed that it did not happen.  I’m sure it is a great deal of fun, especially for people like myself who are already predisposed to appreciating this kind of endeavor.

Cloud 9 operates from 10:00am until 2:00am.  Weather permitting.

Jamie notwithstanding, thus concludes the last interview I will probably ever conduct.

I hope you enjoyed it as much as I did.

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