Timberrrrrrr!
April 18, 2010
Well, it’s that time of year.
The first 90-degree weekend (or close to it), and the first reality check that the hellish Vegas Summer is only a few weeks away.
While this realization stresses me, I am consoling myself with the following fact: In only 5 short months, it’s once again going to be October. If I can make it through the next 150 days, then I will have a solid 180 days as a reward (October through March in Vegas is really quite livable).
Since I have a few people staying on the “Mandalay Mile” (the string of continuous MGM/Mirage properties south of Tropicana Ave.) this weekend, I have made the trip back and forth to this area a couple of times already, and I will make the trip at least once more before the weekend is over.
Now, every cloud has its silver lining, and in Las Vegas, the silver lining to oppressive heat is … what else … women in bikinis.
At least it used to be.
Given that this was the first *real* pool weekend of 2010, after getting off the ACE yesterday, I decided to drop by the Luxor pool to check out the early action. What I discovered was shocking, mortifying, and dare I say it … terrorizing.
For every female at the pool yesterday, there were five males. And I am probably being conservative.
Luxor Las Vegas Pool
Luxor Las Vegas Pool
Luxor Las Vegas Pool
Vegas began its decent into lumber yarddom somewhere around 2005, and it looks as if the trend will continue unabated. Dickfest 2010 is in full swing, and it looks like we are going to break another ratio record. I won’t even get started on the number of Fedora hats I spotted in the crowd. Suffice to say, It’s going to be a douchetastic Summer here in Las Vegas. Consider yourself warned.
You know, I say a lot of things in a tongue-in-cheek manner, but I honestly do think this may become a problem. I personally know some upper-limit gamers that are kind of getting turned off to the “frat house” vibe of the Vegas summer scene, and this is effecting both the amount of time they spend here, and the amount of money they put on the table.
I don’t make the rules, I just observe them, but this is a forumla that I believe to be accurate:
A = Men bring more money to Vegas than do women
B = Men are happier in the company of attractive women
C = Men part with more money in the company of attractive women
D = Men are likely to return to places with high ratios of attractive women
X = Las Vegas has a high ratio of attractive women to men
Z = Las Vegas experiences large revenue increases
My hypothesis is that since A, B, C, and D are TRUE, X must also be TRUE in order for Z to be TRUE;
Currently, X = FALSE;
To be more specific, X = VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY FALSE; We’re talking Las Vegas meteorologist false.
On some level, I honestly do think that Z = X;
I’ve been explaining this theory for years, but to date, nobody has heeded my call. Instead, glossy ads for “adult” pools are once again making the rounds, which means that more and more rubes are going to be lured into disappointment.
Among my own little circle of friends, these ads (especially the glossy ones) are collected as a spoof. Kind of like collecting posters for bad B-movies such as “Cheerleader Massacre”. I know one guy who hangs them on his wall just to get laughs. I don’t know if the pool promoters realize the little cult following these glossy softcore-porn ads have, but the hipsterdouches would probably appreciate the irony.
Las Vegas Adult Pool Ad
The problem is, Joe Regularguy from northern Kentucky isn’t hip to the ruse. He’s going to spend his entire day sitting poolside waiting for the lesbo show to start, and when it doesn’t happen, well — there goes our image again. Sure, Randy Snow will try to bring him back with one of his slick $70 million “What Happens Here” commercials, but how many times is Joe going to fall for it?
There’s a sucker born every minute, but it takes 21 years until they’re allowed to gamble. We can’t keep fooling the same people over and over. There is a limit to their gullibility. We’ve got the marketing aspect of the town perfected, but eventually … we’re going to have to start delivering on the promises.
I digress.
The only other real observation I have to make about the first “summer-like” weekend of 2010 is that the crowd is a bit thinner in numbers than I expected it to be. After the absolute burst of people we had circa-St. Patrick’s Day, and after the grand traffic jams of last weekend, I thought news of 80+ degree weather in Vegas would have translated into throngs this weekend.
The Las Vegas Strip
That has not materialized. It’s not empty, but traffic is free-flow, and the casino floors have simply average levels of saturation. Not bad, but maybe a little underwhelming.
Now if you will excuse me, I am off to hop the ACE bus back to the Mandalay Mile. There currently sits a poker table with my name on it.
In other words, I’m off to sit in a room full of dudes.
This is getting depressing.
Written by sandy astroglide on April 18, 2010 at 9:04 pm
Damn, that place has more sausage than a Hickory Farms gift basket, but the guys there seem to be mostly interested in the other guys.
Written by tully on April 18, 2010 at 9:28 pm
Is it possible the pool as daytime version of the nightclub has scared off some of the women?
I’d say a larger percentage of young women today are more comfortable showing maximum skin than, say, 20 years ago. But probably quite a few are somewhat shy, or don’t feel their bodies measure up to the standard shown in these glossy pool ads. Not saying they want to don an old lady one-piece and cower in the corner—they’ll wear a bikini, just not the skimpiest on the rack. And they want a more laid back, relaxing pool scene than what is depicted in the ads.
Maybe I’m just seeing this through the lens of my own experience. In my twenties, I always felt a bit self-conscious in a swim suit. Looking back on it, my body wasn’t bad at all. I certainly wouldn’t mind having it back.
Pity it took me so long to figure this out.
tully
Written by chance on April 19, 2010 at 12:28 am
if the talent isn’t at the pool, then they must be elsewhere. the hunt begins.
Written by DoubleDownNow! on April 19, 2010 at 1:00 am
I guarantee they’ll be there by Mem Day
Written by chuck deuce on April 19, 2010 at 1:21 am
Judging from all the sausage, you sure these photos aren’t from Oktoberfest?
Written by tully on April 19, 2010 at 1:58 am
“if the talent isn’t at the pool, then they must be elsewhere. the hunt begins.”
Start at the Forum Shops or Miracle Mile. If you want a woman who’s not ashamed to bargain hunt, head to LV Premium Outlets downtown.
You’re welcome.
Written by Tom on April 19, 2010 at 1:58 am
Could it be that young women realize that the results of the “What happens in Vegas…” attitude are mostly bad things?
Written by james h on April 19, 2010 at 3:00 am
as a regular in las vegas i think most guys also feel the what happens with women in vegas is usually not great. the tourist corridor is filled with mostly working girls. you never know when you meet a woman if she is a prostitute or not and usually she is. i dont think guys are as enchanted anymore by the vegas female hype. we see it for what it is, the decent women have been chased off. the jamie grubbs women are whats left, and who wants that, its just not worth it. vegas is fun, but the women situation stinks…maybe it was never great, maybe technology has just brought it to our attention, whatever it is, i dont think it will change.
Written by mike_ch on April 19, 2010 at 4:34 am
I’m not sure what the answer is. If you want gender discrimination and segregation of visitors, that’s what the nightclubs are for.
The only answer, I guess, is for resorts to pay loose women to stand around at the pools in skimpy clothes. Harrah’s tried that with Rio’s Sapphire Pool and it resulted in them saying “so many laws were probably broken here that we’re just fessing up rather than waiting for Metro to sting us.”
Written by briguyx on April 19, 2010 at 10:30 pm
Maybe you were just at the wrong hotel. I’m at the MGM Grand working on the Academy of Country Music Awards and the place was hopping with country fans the past few days.
Written by Trey on April 20, 2010 at 2:54 pm
On our last trip my wife spent a lot of time at the Wet Republic. At one point I went up to meet her and when I entered the party pool area I passed by a hot tub full of beautiful women with stickers covering their nipples just to the left of the entrance. After finding my wife she informed me that those same women must be lesbians because they have been making out with each other for most of the day. I myself missed this elusive lesbo show you mentioned, but I can tell you that they do exist. Perhaps these women were plants by the club themselves, but they made the place seem that much more cool to me. Also, this happened in 08 before the great recession.