Casinoguide » Reviews

A Night at Gilley’s

Rex — Wed, 23 Jun 2010 18:36:39 +0000

Last night, I decided to make my second trip to Gilley’s since it opened two months ago at Treasure Island. I had to meet someone at the Mirage later in the night, and I figured the country bar would be a good place to kill some time since I was running about an hour ahead of schedule.

I had my ride drop me off in front of the Mirage, and I then headed north and tried to enter Gilley’s from the outside.

I soon realized the error of my ways.

To call the pedestrian situation in front of TI a “logistical nightmare” would be kind. Calling it a clusterf**k would denigrate the beautiful act of making love to clusters. Frankly, I don’t know what to call the situation other than a “complete and unadulterated mess”.

Sidewalk Crowd in front of Gilley's at TI

If you try to reach Gilley’s by walking north from the most populated portion of The Strip, you will quickly realize what a salmon feels like when it is trying to swim upstream. At night, the TI plankbridge flows one-way, and that way is south. This doesn’t sound like it should be a big deal, but as you can see from the photos … it is. Gilley’s is segregated from all northbound pedestrian traffic by a rope, and this results in a dense, concentrated mosh of people directly in front of the bar which makes external entry the most monumental pain in the ass imaginable. Yes, yes, that’s what she said.

After walking against the grain for 5 minutes, and smashing head-first into numerous people, I hopped over the rope and entered Gilley’s from the casino.

When I finally got inside, things finally mellowed out.

Guys in cowboy hats were standing around drinking beers, random tourists were warbling out karaoke tunes, and of course, a mechanical bull was tossing people around like ragdolls. Strangely, there was also a lady inside with her child in-tow … cue Jeff Foxworthy “you might be a redneck” joke.

Inside Gilley's at TI

Anyway, I ordered a light beer, walked around, and took in the scenery. I didn’t know what I was looking for in particular, but I will say this, watching people get tossed from a mechanical bull is a great way to make the time fly.

At one point, I pulled out my camera to record the action, and I captured one guy getting thrown feet-over-head into the side barrier:

That had to hurt. At least a little bit.

I’ve ridden a mechanical bull once in my life, and that was in Mexico when I was far younger. I was thrown several times, but I kept getting back on because I had no problem taking the abuse. These days, however, at 41 years old, 6′3″ and 190lbs, I assume that being thrown from a bull in such a manner would be little more than suicide. For both myself and the robobull.

After watching the bull riders get hammered, I turned my attention to the karaoke stage.

Now, I took this second video with my EVO, and I have to be brutally honest and concede a major point — The EVO video camera is almost useless indoors in dim light. It’s not completely useless, but it’s pretty damn close. The irony is that during the daytime, the EVO camcorder is remarkably good. I would go so far as to call it excellent.

The difference between the camera at night and during the day, however, is like, uh … night and day. It’s hard to believe that a great camera can go to complete shit simply by moving indoors. Inexplicably, when the video goes to hell, the audio follows suit. I’m not sure if the compression scheme is increased under stress or what, but it’s pretty bad.

That being said, I did the best I could to capture this guy doing a karaoke rendition of “Cowboy” by Kid Rock, but you are going to have to make judicious use of your imagination to hear the words:

I did find it admirable that the gentleman knew enough of the song to go off-script and sing “paint his wife white” and “my only words of wisdom are just suck my dick”. Oddly enough, the guy didn’t seem all that familiar with the rest of the lyrics, but he shouted those two lines perfectly. At least the man has priorities.

In general, Karaoke makes my ears bleed, but I’m warming up to it as I age. You have to give props to people who get in front of an audience and belt out tunes when they are clearly aware that they cannot sing. It’s for this reason that I have some respect for Ke$ha.

In any event, I spent a solid hour talking to some of the tourists at the bar, getting my drink on, and just generally enjoying the atmosphere. I did not, however, ride the bull or sing to the crowd. I eventually got a text message that my party had arrived, and my time in Gilley’s was up. I grabbed a few more quick shots and headed into the abyss of Treasure Island on my way to the Mirage tram.

Even though it’s not a place that fits my personality perfectly, I can see myself using Gilley’s as a casual hangout more often in the coming years. I’m not a huge fan of the faux-cowboy thing, but the pretense factor is low, douchebags are almost non-existent, and the waitresses were quite attractive and personable. I give it a solid B+.

Gilley's Waitress

The genius urban planning in front of Treasure Island, however, receives a massive fail.

Sunday at the Trop

Rex — Mon, 21 Jun 2010 18:24:16 +0000

When I learned that the Tropicana was getting rid of its Island Buffet, I was disappointed. I used to enjoy the buffet, and I used to schedule visits around the Bird Man shows.

Since the Trop has been without an all-you-can eat venue for awhile, I was somewhat heartened to learn last week that their new Italian restaurant, Bacio, was instituting a new weekend “brunch” buffet. Of course, I had to try it, and yesterday I did exactly that.

Bacio Brunch Buffet at the Tropicana

The new Bacio buffet is somewhat interesting from a logistical perspective. You are seated inside, but in order to get your food, you have to go back out of the front entrance to the exterior of the restaurant . Of course, this is the reverse of how most buffets operate. It reminded me a little bit of wearing one’s clothes backward, like Kriss-Kross circa 1993.

Don’t even act like you weren’t down with the Migetty Migetty Migetty Migetty Mack Daddy.

Whatever happened to those guys? Are they still alive? I mean, one minute they’re everywhere, the next minute … anyway ….

Aside from the curious setup, the food itself was actually good.

Myself and my special date arrived for the breakfast portion of the “brunch”, which meant that all of the food was standard early-morning classics. Eggs, waffles, bacon, sausage, croissants, muffins, fruit … what more could you ask for in breakfast food? My personal favorite serving was the scrambled eggs with feta cheese and tomatoes. I crushed some apple-cured bacon into the eggs, and I was good to go. For “desert”, I downed mini-waffles with vanilla syrup.

Bacio Brunch Buffet at the Tropicana

For ten bucks, it was hard to go wrong.

As a serial “sampler” and the most impatient person on the face of the earth, I still prefer buffets to sit down restaurants where I have to get someone’s attention for every little request. I like the DIY setup of high-quality buffets, and I always get more than my money’s worth. Besides, buffets are a Vegas tradition.

Both my hostess and my waiter were extraordinarily nice, and the experience was positive. Unlike the MGM, Excalibur, and Luxor buffets surrounding it, the Bacio buffet is a very small, quiet, intimate buffet. It’s perhaps the smallest one that I have ever seen. This is not a bad thing if you want to avoid the crowds, waits, and hassles of mega-buffets. It’s good to have options, and Bacio is a solid one for a “first meal of the day” experience.

After getting my fill of breakfast food, I went downstairs to hang out by the pool for a little while.

By the time I got water-side, it was about 11am and 90 degrees, but the pool was not crowded at all. This is not surprising given that it was the weird time slot after most people check out and before most people check in, and it gave me an opportunity to walk around and check everything out from all angles without wading through people.

Now, I don’t know if it is just me, but the “new” Trop pool does not look appreciably different from the “old” Trop pool. The new one has a “cleaner” layout, but if anything, I might actually prefer the old version just slightly. The older one was a bit more “tropical”. You have to realize, however, that I have spent an entire decade … the last 10 summers … lounging by the Tropicana pool, and when I develop a familiar favorite, I tend to resent any change. Hell, I taught one of my kids to swim at the Tropicana pool. That’s how familiar the place was to me.

"Old" Tropicana Pool on May 23, 2009 - Swim-up Blackjack

"New" Tropicana Pool on June 20, 2010 - Swim-up Blackjack

"Old" Tropicana Pool on May 23, 2009

"New" Tropicana Pool on June 20, 2010

"Old" Tropicana Pool on May 23, 2009

"New" Tropicana Pool on June 20, 2010

"Old" Tropicana Pool on May 23, 2009

"New" Tropicana Pool on June 20, 2010

"New" Tropicana Pool on June 20, 2010 - Poolside Bar

"New" Tropicana Pool on June 20, 2010

The biggest thing I miss from the “old” pool is the swim-thru waterfall. I really enjoyed it. Swimming through it, under it, behind it. Where I’m from (which happens to not be a rainforest), there just weren’t many waterfalls, and this was a favorite feature of mine.

The “new” Tropicana pool is not bad by any stretch of the imagination (like I said, it’s not that different), but in my opinion … it wasn’t broken to begin with. When something is already nearly perfect, making changes to it is probably not the greatest of ideas. I guess pool parties are the wave of the future, though, and my guess is that the Trop pool is being scored to accommodate more of a beach club atmosphere than an alt.favorite tropical paradise.

Given that it’s the Trop, I may very well try the new “Nikki Beach Club” to see if I can get down with it. I mean, I’m a jet-set hip and gorgeous person. Right?

I guess we’ll see.

As if it were not obvious, I’m really trying to go above and beyond to like the new and improved Tropicana. My loyalty is theirs to lose.

The garden areas of the pool courtyard are looking very nice, but of course, there is also a great deal of construction going on at the Trop from front to back. Nobody has found a way to invisibly remodel a property yet.

"New" Tropicana Pool on June 20, 2010 - Garden Area

Tropicana Under Construction - June 20, 2010

Now for a little bit of bad news.

In my quest to solidify my Tropicana vs. Golden Nugget decision, I decided to call the Trop this weekend to inquire about booking a room. In particular, I wanted to ask about resort fees. I didn’t think they had one, but I wanted to double check. As it turns out, they do have one. The fee is lower than most, but it is there.

The reservation agent informed me that a fee of $7.99 would be added to all room rates, and when I asked what the fee included, she informed me that it included use of the phone, fax machine, fitness center, pool, and “parking”.

This was a relief, because if there is one thing I am sick and tired of, it’s paying for parking in Strip hotels.

I later did some online research to make sure I heard her correctly, and I found the following on the site:

Incidental charges: Tropicana charges a $7.99 per room, per night resort fee, which covers the cost of access to gym, two free drinks on property, unlimited local and 800 calls and use of the pool and jacuzzi. Tropicana charges a $5.50 baggage handling fee for all group arrivals. The hotel requires a credit card or a cash deposit for incidental charges. The resort fee listed above does not include tax. Some resorts also apply room tax to their resort fee.

As you can see, there is no official mention of parking as an amenity, but the fee does exist, along with a baggage handling fee for “groups”, although the word “groups” is not defined.

After hanging up with the Trop reservation line, I called the Golden Nugget to inquire about resort fees, and was told there were none.

This is a very compelling deciding factor for yours truly. It’s not that I cannot afford resort fees, it’s that I despise them on principal because they are dishonest and they prevent a direct comparison of room rates from one property to the next. Properties should be able to compete based on their advertised rates, and resort fees are a cheap ploy where the fine print taketh away what the big print giveth. Frankly, I’m not 100% convinced that these fees are legal in the method they are being applied. They seem to blatantly violate unfair and deceptive trade practice laws. They are legal landmines, and I’d like to see them challenged at some point.

In any event, I’m ready to book the Nug but I’m holding off for just a bit longer. There is still plenty of time between now and August for someone to surprise or disappointment me. It happens all the time. As soon as I book the Nugget, they’ll announce some kind of “running water” fee for all new check-ins, and shortly afterward the Trop will announce topless french maid service beginning in late July.

If there is one thing I can guarantee, it’s that whatever you hold to be true about any given property will change when you least expect it. Also, a new contender may arise between now and then.

Anyway, it was an overall nice Sunday at the Tropicana.

For the duration of my visit, not a single person asked me for a cigarette, spare change, nor did they solicit me to take a picture or buy club passes. I almost got dinged by the escalators by what appeared to be time share drones, however. They tried to stop me, but I just kept walking.

If the Trop can get rid of those guys, I can overlook the waterfall and call it even.

Freaky Friday

Rex — Sun, 23 May 2010 17:41:29 +0000

Located in an unimpressive building on Industrial Road, only a block from the Trump Tower, sits a somewhat unlikely Las Vegas attraction.

The Erotic Heritage Museum in Las Vegas

The Erotic Heritage Museum has been around for awhile, but for some reason, I’ve always just assumed that the place was a trap. I envisioned going inside, staring at a couple of posters on a wall, and then being herded into a strip club where I would be mercilessly hustled for lapdances until I was able to summon my inner ninja to stun my attackers and slip out the back door.

It is entirely possible that I have lived in this town for too long, because I no longer trust anyone or anything here, and my natural assumption is that everything is a complete scam. More often than not, I’m correct (”Hey, how long are you in town for? Do you want to see a show?”), but after hearing some positive feedback from a couple of people that I do trust, I decided to finally go inside of the enigmatic “erotic museum”.

Upon entering the building adjacent to the Deja Vu strip club and crossing a street designed to look like a faux-”Red Light District”, I was met with a 17,000 square foot, two story space full of erotic paintings, sketches, sculptures, statues, posters, photos, and exhibits. I was impressed. Despite assurances to the contrary, my expectations going into the EHM were still quite low. My assumption was still that the museum was simply a marketing gimmick for a strip joint, but once inside, I realized that much thought and effort was put into making this place its own legitimate attraction.

The Erotic Heritage Museum in Las Vegas

Of course, this was the “Erotic Heritage Museum”, and even though the displays were quite professional, they were still … erotic. Television screens adorned walls while displaying pornographic movies, life-sized cut outs of porn stars were positioned in the corners, and there were enough dildos to satisfy Madonna for an entire hour.

Interspersed between the imagery were signs and plaques detailing the rise to fame of whatever specimen had caught your attention. My personal favorite display was the peep show exhibit. I remember these joints from 14th St. and Times Square back in the day, and I had always assumed that they were the creation of East Coast sleazemasters.

The Erotic Heritage Museum in Las Vegas

This was not so. Apparently, peep shows have been around for 1,000 years, and were first performed with puppets. Yes, puppets. While I don’t think I could ever get aroused looking at two puppets fornicating, this should come as a great relief to anyone who has ever spanked it to anime. As it turns out, you’re not weird, you’re retro.

As you can imagine, things might get a little awkward in a museum of this sort from time to time. As I was standing in front of a video monitor showing an antique girl-on-girl reel, a middle-aged man and his middle-aged lady friend came and stood beside me, at which point they started playfully touching each other. Granted, it was over the clothes, but still. I tried to pretend that I didn’t see what they were doing, but it got a little too weird and I walked away.

FYI, when you use your hand to cup the crotch of your woman’s jeans in public, the two of you don’t magically become invisible. The rest of us can see you, and we haven’t been taught the social graces of how to react in these specific situations. If she’s exceptionally hot, we might be somewhat understanding, but if both of you are in your 40’s …. ewwwwwww.

I digress.

I have to say that I was surprised by just how professionally curated the museum was. Being in a bi-level office building on Industrial, I was fully expecting it to be really silly and cheesy, but this was not the case. This museum was painstakingly put together with equal amounts of education and titillation, and I actually learned quite a bit … even though I was probably not solidly in the museum’s target demographic.

You see, I’m not really into weird or kinky stuff. Naked chicks are great, but I have no desire to see them hook jumper cables up to their nipples.

Though I find a lot of humor in the “erotic” genre, the fact of the matter is, I’m not a huge consumer of porn. I don’t really like watching other people copulate. As a germophobe, it kind of grosses me out. When I watch a porn movie, instead of getting Erotic, I usually get NEUrotic, ie. “man, I hope she washed really well down there or that poor guy is going to get food poisoning”.

Instead of “porn” per-se, my visual preferences run more toward zoomed-out Playboy-type stuff where I don’t feel that I am conducting a gynecological examination. In my book, a good bikini shot trumps a picture of a lady with her ankles behind her ears and a zucchini in her butthole. Because of this, I was anticipating that the Erotic Heritage Museum might activate my gag-reflex a few times.

Fortunately, this did not happen. Even the explicit displays were quite tastefully exhibited, and to their credit, the museum does not go for the jugular in the form of shock value. I never perceived an exhibit going overboard trying to offend the viewer, and because of this … I found the museum to be appropriate for a wider demographic than I would have otherwise assumed. Much like the Adult Entertainment Expo, it presents the subject matter with a dose of humor which makes it more palatable to even those of prudish inclination.

Another thing I really liked about the museum was the fact that the staff left me alone. It wasn’t that they were anti-social; When customers approached with questions, the staff was eager to answer them. They did, however, give everyone else their space and did not speak until spoken to. In my mind, this makes them the perfect employees.

Unlike the Museum of Natural History (seriously, what in the hell does that mean?), The Erotic Heritage Museum is perhaps the epitome of truth in labeling. It is, quite literally, a museum documenting the ins-and-outs of erotic entertainment since more or less the beginning of time.

After spending about 90 minutes perusing the establishment, I left impressed. It exceeded my expectations, and I would go so far as to call it a “must visit” for anyone who has a proclivity toward the erotic arts.

At only fifteen bucks per person, it’s really quite reasonable, and if you start feeling a little freaky while perusing the exhibits … the Wynn Resort is only two blocks north.

Trust me, if you walk into that place wearing only nipple clamps and a thong, they’ll treat you right.

Enjoy.

We Are Beautiful, No Matter What The Trop Says

Rex — Wed, 19 May 2010 21:06:35 +0000

Even though I had transit difficulties on Monday, I was still able to make it to the Tropicana without too much trouble, and while I was there I decided to get some updated shots of their “new” pool.

Of course, Monday just happened to be the most overcast, windy day we had experienced in several weeks, but such is the dark cloud that ostensibly hovers over my head. It’s not that Jesus doesn’t love me, he’s just not big on public displays of affection when it comes to yours truly.

In any event, the “new and improved” Tropicana Pool has been open for much of this month, but as you can clearly see from the photographs, it is not yet finished. At this point, the pool does not look all that different from the “old” pool. Since I have always been a huge fan of the Tropicana swimming hole, this is certainly not a bad thing, but I guess I was expecting it to be completely redesigned.

Tropicana Pool

During the remake of the Trop, I’ve been somewhat hesitant of what to expect from the finished product. I know the place is undergoing a facelift, but I wasn’t sure what type of clientele the property would begin aiming for.

Last week, I got some insight when The Tropicana issued the following press release:

Tropicana Las Vegas today announced a partnership with Nikki Beach, the world’s leading lifestyle entertainment group, to launch the city’s hottest destination: Nikki Beach at Tropicana Las Vegas.

Nikki Beach will bring the best of their South Beach, Marbella and St. Tropez inspired designs to Tropicana Las Vegas, enabling guests to party all day and all night in style, with a sizzling blend of haute cuisine, exotic cocktails and sexy entertainment. The new Las Vegas location will be the largest Nikki Beach property in the world, and will combine one of the most stylish brands in the world with one of the most legendary hotels on The Strip.

“The creation of Nikki Beach Las Vegas marks a new era in Tropicana Las Vegas’ history,” said Alex Yemenidjian, Chairman and CEO of Tropicana Las Vegas, Inc. “Together we will deliver a truly exceptional experience, joining two of the world’s most iconic brands in a way that has not been done before in this city.”

“After many years of looking into Las Vegas for expansion, we have finally found the right partnership”, said Nikki Beach owner Jack Penrod. “The Tropicana Las Vegas is the perfect location for our global brand. With exclusive beach clubs in the world’s hottest vacation spots, we are thrilled to bring Nikki Beach to Tropicana Las Vegas. Alex’s vision for the new Tropicana Las Vegas makes the perfect home for Nikki Beach, who as quoted by the London Observer, is ‘The Sexiest Place on Earth.’ But please, tell only your best friends.”

Now, when I read this, I didn’t know what to think. It sounds kind of cool I suppose, but I don’t know who the “Nikki” people are, so I decided to do a quick search. One of the first results to be returned was the group’s Miami property whose description reads as follows:

“Nikki Beach Miami, often called “Paradise on Earth,” is the first of 14 locations world-wide where jet-setters and hip people come to embellish their senses and taste buds, look around and see who is there and where they are going.

It is here that you will find a unique blend of gorgeous people from all parts of the globe sharing languid afternoons under the warmth of an eternal sun.”

Doh!

This doesn’t sound good. Not good at all.

If ever there were a person who will not be welcomed at the new Tropicana pool, that person is I.

I don’t think you will find anyone on the planet who would describe me as either “hip” or “gorgeous”. To the contrary, it is entirely possible that I am the ugliest loser in this town. I stopped trying to fight it long ago. Sometimes you just have to accept who you are and play the cards you were dealt. I mean, look at Oscar Goodman. Being hideous never stopped him, and I doubt he was one of the cool kids in high school when he was growing up in the 1870’s … yet he went on to become the state’s most famous alcoholic.

Sometimes 7-3 offsuit plays.

The new “Nikki Beach”, however, just does not sound like a place where I can work my mojo.

I find this very disappointing because I have been hanging out at the Tropicana pool every summer for the past 10 years, and it looks like I will be alienated from it very soon.

While it’s a real bummer on a personal level, I suppose I can’t really blame the Trop. I mean, what else can they do? Carry on with business as usual?

I guess that’s not really an option. They have been catering to a very modest crowd for some time, and these folks just haven’t been bringing in the cash. I’m not sure if trying to woo the “hip, jet-set” crowd will work (I’m actually quite skeptical), but it appears that this is the decision that the Trop has made.

While I understand why they want to target a more moneyed crowd, what I don’t understand, is why the Tropicana does not just run the show themselves. I don’t really “get” the reason that all of the properties in Las Vegas feel compelled to hire outside party promoters. I’ve seen the work of these companies, and so far, I’m not a huge fan. Most of them seem like modern day P.T. Barnums who subscribe to the tenant that there is a sucker born every minute. They promote these pools like carnival barkers promoted the elephant man. It all seems kind of greedy and scammy.

Geez, now that I think about it, I understand exactly why casino owners are attracted to these guys.

Anyway, it looks like it will be the end of yet another era. A personal Las Vegas alt-favorite will be converted to a “hip” place for gorgeous people, leaving me to once again mourn the loss of something in this town that I once enjoyed.

Now if you will excuse me, I am going to go have a good cry standing in front of a mirror while listening to “Beautiful” by Christina Aguirella.

Words can’t bring me down.

At least that’s what I like to tell myself.

Gnarly and the Chocolate Factory

Rex — Fri, 07 May 2010 19:17:54 +0000

For the first time ever, yesterday, I embarked on a trip to the famous Ethel M Chocolate Factory.

For those of you who are unaware, Ethel M is kind of a big deal for those who like sweets. It is a gourmet candy factory which just happens to be located about 10 miles from the Las Vegas Strip, and is a mecca for chocolate lovers from all over the country.

Given its popularity, it’s somewhat odd that I had never been to Ethel’s before. The reason for this is that I am not a huge chocolate lover. I like it just fine, but I’m generally not willing to brave travelling to Henderson to consume it. Having kids, however, means that what you want is often completely and utterly irrelevant. You are going to do and pay for whatever you are told to do and pay for. It’s a lot like being an Apple user.

This being the case, after being advised that we would be spending the afternoon at the candy factory, I aimed my Porsche Carrera GT with dual-seatbelts toward Henderson and off we went.

Wayne Newton's Casa de Shenandoah

On the way there, I passed Wayne Newton’s ranch which is called “Casa de Shenandoah”. I had heard of this place, but this was the first time I had ever seen it with my own two eyes. I just don’t hit the southeast part of town very often. I’m sure that this ranch was a little slice of rural paradise when Wayne first built it, but now that it is surrounded by strip malls, it seems a little ironic and out of place.

When we got to Ethel’s, I really wasn’t sure what to expect. When I was a child, I went to the Hershey’s chocolate factory in Pennsylvania, but I remember little of it. Ethel M offers what they call a “self-guided tour”, and that was our first stop.

Ethel M Chocolate Factory

Ethel M Chocolate Factory Tour Entrance

Ethel M Chocolate Factory Tour

Ethel M Chocolate Factory

Within a few minutes, I came to realize that the self-guided tour at Ethel’s is not a “tour” per-se. Rather, it is a long hallway, about 200′, lined with large picture windows. These windows allow you to see the candy being made inside of the chocolate factory, but unfortunately, this in and of itself is not terribly informative.

While staring through the windows, I found that I had way more questions than answers.

Such as, “What does that machine do?”

and

“How about that other machine, what does that one do?”

and

“Look at that machine over there, what does it do?”

You get the idea.

The problem is … nobody was around to answer these questions.

I am one of those “thirst for knowledge” kind of people. As a child, the encyclopedia was my favorite book to read, and even today, my leisurely reading typically involves surfing obscure topics on Wikipedia with my laptop. On this day, I was hoping to learn all kinds of obscure facts about candy making, such as:

White chocolate is made from the sperm of bull elephants and is collected by dosing them with 12mg of Phencyclidine three seconds before ejaculation.

I wanted to learn something cool that someone who had not been to Ethel M would never have known.

Alas, this was not the case.

For the duration of my self-guided tour, the factory floor was damn near empty. There were less than ten people making candy in the whole place, and most of the machines were sitting idle.

Ethel M Chocolate Factory Sample Lady

Fortunately, there was food to be had. At the end of the hallway, a woman allowed us to choose two samples, and I selected the pecan brittle and a dark chocolate coin. Of the two, I preferred the pecan brittle. It was quite good. As soon as I audibly praised the candy, the sample woman informed me that I could buy some in the store. Subtle.

After spending some time walking up and down the hallway, looking at the candy machines, and consuming a couple of samples … we were routed to, you guessed it … the aforementioned Ethel M’s candy store. Actually, the tour is anchored on both sides by stores where you can purchase food and gifts, which I suppose makes sense. I do get a little cynical and put-off when I’m trapped like a tourist in these kinds of places, but given that selling stuff is their entire business, it’s hard to complain. Instead, when I am in these circumstances … I just roll my eyes, mumble something sarcastic under my breath, and smile politely.

Ethel M Candy Store

Now, before leaving for Ethel’s I had budgeted $20 with which to purchase candy. This seemed quite reasonable. When I was a kid, I used to take a crisp dollar bill to a local bodega and walked out with a package of Reese’s peanut butter cups and a Hershey Bar. To me, that was high living.

Upon entering the Ethel’s store, however, I quickly learned that twenty dollars was incredibly naive.

I don’t mean to sound like a penny-pinching, coupon-clipping blue hair … but when did candy become so expensive?

For instance, $5 for a chocolate covered strawberry???

Ouch.

Ethel M Candy Store - Chocolate Covered Strawberries

I once ate twelve of these things in one sitting at the Bellagio Buffet. Apparently, I really got my money’s worth.

Seriously, I walked around the Ethel’s store with a perpetual case of sticker shock.

Remember the pecan brittle I was fond of? I looked around and finally found it in the store. The cost? $10 for three pieces. I was with six people. This means that, for each of us to get a single square of pecan brittle, it would have cost twenty dollars.

Ethel M Candy Store - Pecan Brittles

Ethel M Candy Store - Gourmet Chocolates

Ethel M is hardcore when it comes to pricing.

I didn’t completely cheap out, though. We bought some random stuff which totalled $39 when all was said and done … but the quantity of our loot was really meager for that expenditure. Since the store was so far away from Rexville, I probably should have purchased more, but I just can’t see spending that much for candy. I ate some of the Ethel’s “gourmet” chocolate, and it was good, but honestly … I don’t think I’ve ever had “bad chocolate”. When I get a chocolate craving, I’m completely satisfied with a Hershey Bar from 7-11.

I think the taste difference between a $10 chocolate bar and a $1.29 chocolate bar is largely a placebo effect. It’s been shown time and again that humans “taste price”. This is the very basis for expensive restaurants. The more people pay for food, the better they will swear it tastes. It’s psychological. People will pay a high premium for something if they are convinced that it is “better”, even if there is no evidence supporting the superiority. I’m sure you’ve seen the hidden-camera specials on TV where people are given water out of a garden hose and told that it comes from a small village in the Swiss Alps at which point they exclaim “it taste’s so clean”.

Despite our technological advances as a species, the sad fact of the matter is … we are still dumb, insecure animals. Most of us will spend our lives trying to buy an identity, and we will continue to measure ourselves against others by the amount of money we spend on equivalent goods.

Ethel M provides a good opportunity to further this endeavor.

Please, don’t get me wrong. Ethel’s candies are good. Very good. They are quite tasty and I enjoyed them.

However, are they, say, 5 times better tasting than working-class convenience store candies?

Eh, probably not unless your taste buds are super-sensitive.

Anyway, after paying forty bucks for loot that fit in a single bag, we headed out to the Ethel M’s Botanical Garden. Now this place … was kind of cool. Ethel’s maintains a variety of desert plants adjacent to their factory, and they invite visitors to stroll the grounds and hang out for as long as they wish. Not only are there plants, but we also spotted various forms of wildlife such as lizards, birds, and even a rabbit. We spent a solid hour browsing around and relaxing on the benches, and fortunately, this particular part of the Ethel’s experience was absolutely free. The Botanical Garden was so interesting and stress-free that it really took the sting out of $39 worth of chocolate.

Ethel M Chocolate Factory - Cactus Garden

Ethel M Botanical Garden - Cactus Garden

Ethel M Botanical Garden - Lizard

Ethel M Botanical Garden - Cactus Garden

Ethel M Botanical Garden - Rabbit

Ethel M Botanical Garden - Cactus Garden

Ethel M Botanical Garden - Lizard

Ethel M Botanical Garden - Cactus Garden

Ethel M Botanical Garden - Rabbit

For me, the Botanical Garden made the trip, and when I polled my companions, they all concurred. The candy was good, but the garden was better. Because of this, the overall experience actually turned out to be quite positive, and I was glad that we went.

As far as recommendations …

If you are considering a trip to Ethel M to see how candy is made, I would highly advise you to spring for in-room Wi-Fi and search “making candy” on YouTube instead. It will probably be much more informative.

If you want to actually eat candy, then a trip to Ethel M is absolutely recommended.

Like every place else in Las Vegas, however, bring money … and lots of it.

The Other Nugget

Rex — Fri, 30 Apr 2010 16:02:58 +0000

I had a few things to take care of near Cashman Field earlier this week, and while there, I saw the large Jerry’s Nugget oil well sign in the distance.

Entering North Las Vegas City Limits - Jerry's Nugget Casino

Jerry's Nugget Max Bus Stop

Jerry’s Nugget is officially in the city limits of North Las Vegas, but its location of only 1.5 miles north of Fremont Street is enough to consider it a pseudo-Downtown property. Even though this is the case, I’ve only visited Jerry’s a handful of times in the last decade.

Today, I decided to add another visit to that meager total.

As I drove through the dusty nothingness that is the Las Vegas/North Las Vegas border and approached the entrance to Jerry’s, my passenger yelled “There it is!”.

Assuming he had lost his damn mind getting this excited about a locals casino, I turned toward him to level a well-placed insult when I saw him pointing out the window at the Palomino Club.

World Famous Palomino

“That’s the only all-nude strip bar in Vegas!”, he exclaimed.

“Ahhhhhh … that Palomino Club”, I said.

Honestly, I had all but forgotten that the place was located across from Jerry’s.

“Have you been in there?”, he asked.

I searched my brain forward and backward, and realized that no … no I had not. I was somewhat mortified by this revelation. 12 years visiting Vegas and 6 years living here, and I have not been to the world famous Palomino Club. At least not that I can remember.

See kids, this is exactly what happens when you visit the Apple Store one too many times. You walk in a man, and walk out a neutered she-male who “respects women, diversity, and a magical software ecosystem”.

Suffice to say that The World Famous Palomino is now on my calendar. I plan on going there the day after I buy the new HTC EVO 4G phone and load it with apps from the Android Porn Store. I’m completely serious. In 2010, I am making it priority #1 to reclaim my testes.

Anyway, I parked my Lamborghini with titanium-plated spark plugs and power door locks in a space in the near-empty lot and we headed into the casino.

Jerry's Nugget Crotch Port

Once inside, I realized why I probably don’t go to Jerry’s too terribly often. It’s a nice place, perfectly acceptable in every way, but “acceptable” is not a good enough reason to visit a casino which is located … for the most part … on Skid Row. I mean this literally.

Jerry’s Nugget is located just three short blocks from Foremaster Lane, which is the center of the Las Vegas homeless community. As a matter of fact, I made a bee-line for the restroom after walking through the main doors of the casino, but I had to wait outside as security escorted a homeless man out of the men’s room … sleeping bag and all (don’t worry, the guard was gentle).

Honestly, the immense number of homeless people wandering around Jerry’s does not bother me, but that being said, it doesn’t attract me either. Entertainment is supposed to be an escape, but Jerry’s doesn’t let you forget about the harsh realities of life just outside of its doors.

After draining the monster, we wandered around Jerry’s, and did pretty much the only thing there was to do. Gamble.

Jerry's Nugget Casino - Video Poker

Jerry's Nugget Casino

Jerry's Nugget Casino - Video Poker

We played a little $5 blackjack, which was cool … but I decided to call it a day when we moved over to the video machines.

You see, Bonus Poker is my video game of choice, and both the nickel and quarter variants I found at Jerry’s had 6/5 paytables. I understand that the limits I was looking for were quite low, but still … 6/5 Bonus at a locals joint seems a little off to me.

One thing I did like about Jerry’s gaming machines was the presence of coin-operated slots and video poker machines (which I still prefer to TITO), but this just wasn’t enough for me to get passed the uninspiring payouts.

We walked around a little more, checked out the sports book, and then took leave of J-Nug.

On our way back to the car, we passed a couple of security guards roaming the lot, and when I clicked the remote to unlock my door from about 40′ away, someone bolted from the passenger’s side of my car and began running in the opposite direction.

I can’t say with 100% certainty what he was doing, but based on oh, 41 years of life experience, I’m pretty sure that he had been peering through our windows to see if there was anything inside worth smashing-and-grabbing. It appears that we had returned to the car just in time. Since this is about par for the course in Central Vegas, I don’t want to imply that Jerry’s Nugget has a safety issue … but I would be irresponsible to pretend that the property is suitable for every visitor demographic.

Jerry’s is located in an economically depressed area of Las Vegas, and while you will be perfectly safe inside of the property, this is not an area in which you want to take a drunken stroll at any time of the day or night.

This is also one of the few places where I would absolutely recommend using the valet, as they keep the cars in front and the attendants keep an eye on them. The crotch port at Jerry’s is also surprisingly nice given the environs.

Jerry's Nugget Valet

Jerry's Nugget Casino - Antique Slot Machines

Jerry's Nugget Water Fountain and Rose Garden

Jerry’s Nugget is not a bad joint. It’s got a throwback kind of charm. I’ve been told that they have a very generous rewards program (I do not have a card myself and cannot vouch for this), and it appears to have a strong appeal with some groups of locals.

If you miss coin hoppers and you don’t mind a quick detour through Las Vegas’s Skid Row, Jerry’s might be worth a shot.

That being said, I’m not sure that I will return anytime soon. I just have too many alternatives nearer to my home.

Well, with the exception of the Palomino Club.

Stay tuned for that one.

P.S. Yes, I know that there is a third “nugget”, The Silver Nugget, and I’ll get around to that one eventually.

The Silver Nugget Casino

Kicking It Old School

Rex — Mon, 19 Apr 2010 22:37:36 +0000

The past several days have been spent traveling back and forth to the south strip, and yesterday, I decided to change intersection corners. After working on my base tan at the Luxor (don’t laugh, it’s necessary to prevent painful burning in May), I walked over to the Tropicana.

About 15 people from my site are coming into Vegas this weekend, and they are contemplating making the Tropicana one of their stops. As such, I decided to see how things were coming along.

After looking around the Trop for a bit, the answer to my question was: very quickly.

The crotch port is still under construction, as is the area at the end of the Tropicana Ave pedestrian bridge, but the gaming pit is looking pretty nice. It’s certainly a huge change from just a couple of weeks ago when I last visited. The pit has higher ceilings, it’s quite bright, and the feel of the place is now a little more “upscale”.

Tropicana Hotel and Casino Sign at Entrance

Tropicana Hotel and Casino

Tropicana Hotel and Casino Crotch Port

Tropicana Hotel and Casino Pedestrian Bridge

Tropicana Casino Gaming Pit

Tropicana Casino

Tropicana Hotel and Casino Entrance

Of course, since the remodel is not yet finished, it’s a bit premature to render a judgement … but the old joint is definitely looking more fresh. I’m looking forward to seeing where they are in another month or two.

Now, last week marks the first time in recent memory that any of my group members have discussed hanging out at the Trop, and I found this slightly fascinating.

Apparently, there is an interesting bit of a “buzz” developing around the Tropicana, and with the marketing push behind it — I would go so far as to say that it’s *almost* no longer uncool to stay and play here. To be honest, I have decidedly mixed feelings about this.

You see, I’ve began staying at the Trop in the late 90’s, and I’ve declared my loyalty to the place ever since. Much like the Sahara, and Strat, it’s always been a sleeper favorite of mine, and I’ve never had any trepidation about broadcasting this to the world. Simply put, I liked the Tropicana long before it was cool to like the Tropicana.

Now that the Trop has a new Twitter account (as was conveyed to me by a site member) and they are pushing a new “South Beach Miami” theme, people are coming out of the woodwork like they were down with the Tropicana all along … when the reality is … damn near every scenester on the planet was calling for the place to be imploded for the entirety of the 2000’s.

Look, I’m not naive, and I am 100% aware that Las Vegas is a phony place full of fair-weather, glad-handing, “what have you done for me lately” people, but when all is said and done, I hope the Tropicana doesn’t start buying into its own PR. If the property gets too hipster, I’ll be very disappointed.

Don’t get me wrong, I want to see the place thrive, and every dollar is as green as the next, but hipsters are a fickle group. They are neither stable nor consistent clientele. As soon as this demographic sticks a finger in the air and detects a change in the wind direction, the Trop will once again eat at a table by itself in the high school cafeteria.

Once it has lost enough weight, learned the right catchphrases, and applied enough makeup to become a cheerleader — hopefully the Trop doesn’t forget the band nerds who were the only kids in school that didn’t talk shit behind their back … even when they had bad skin and listened to Menudo.

From the groundswell of interest that has been conveyed to me so far, I predict this to be a banner year for the Tropicana with a new slew of pretendsters who are suddenly hip to the property, but if management uses solid and sound judgement, this will also be a perfect opportunity for the Tropicana to build up a new crop of loyal clientele that will carry them even further into old age.

I also hope the Tropicana does not try to cover its history by trying to pretend to be too young.

Have you ever encountered 60 year olds who desperately fight their age by trying their damnest to keep up with hip lingo which was obviously not from their generation? They use words like “peeps” and they clumsily try to keep up with the latest trends, but it’s always painful to watch because it’s just not believable. These very same folks tend to alienate both older and younger people because neither group is able to relate to them.

Well, I don’t want to see this happen to the Trop.

This property is 54 years old, which is ancient in Las Vegas terms, but as long as they embrace that age instead of fight it … the Trop will have a lot to offer visitors for years to come.

To me the Tropicana has always symbolized a level of maturity and wisdom in a sea of corporate sameness. It has a “been there, done that” credibility that other properties simply do not have.

I’m very, very glad that the Tropicana is getting a clean shave and a haircut, but you can still have an upgrade and remain dignified. I don’t think “Planet Hollywood II” or “Hard Rock South” is a good idea, and hopefully this new “beach” thing that the Tropicana is designing will be carried out in a less-than-doucheful way.

In retrospect, it really would have helped had they found a way to keep Folies Bergere, and the Tropicana would be the perfect place to resurrect such a show in the future.

Until that time, I hope the Tropicana is able to make its way into the future without forgetting its roots.

Speaking of … I’ve been meaning to see Wayne Newton at the Trop in the near future.

Seriously.

I saw him many years ago at the Stardust, and while I won’t pretend to have a pile of his records laying around, I thoroughly enjoyed his show.

Now that the Stardust is gone, the Tropicana is one of our last bastions of nostalgia, and I can’t think of a better place to once again see “Mr. Las Vegas”. Sometime within the next few weeks, I’m going to pull up the entertainment schedule and see what they have available for Wayne’s gig.

It’s time to kick it old school.

Forgotten, But Not Gone

Rex — Tue, 23 Mar 2010 19:37:50 +0000

This weekend, I spent a great deal of time inside of an old favorite.

Your mother.

I also visited the Tropicana several times.

Tropicana Hotel and Casino Sign at Entrance

For whatever reason, the years 2000-2010 saw the Tropicana endure a particularly hard rap. I don’t think it’s a stretch to say that the property was the redheaded stepchild of the South Strip. It was the property of last resort when everything else was booked, and admitting you stayed in the joint was the Vegas equivalent of declaring that you had a small wiener. If people didn’t snicker in your face, they did so behind your back.

Hardly an online “next up for the wrecking ball” poll was posted without the Trop at least receiving honorable mention, and the stereotypical clientele of the resort was that of wig-wearing women sitting in front of slot machines while puffing on cigarettes, pausing only long enough to hock a loogie from their tar-encrusted lungs into the face of anyone who dare get within line of sight.

I have to admit, on some nights, this stereotype was not too far off the mark, but even so, my affection for the property never wavered.

Even though it has fallen strongly out of favor among douchebags and bedheads in recent years, in my opinion, the Tropicana is in the top 5 most underrated properties in Las Vegas.

I have a few reasons for this sentiment.

First of all, the location is prime. Geographically, you just can’t do much better than the intersection of Las Vegas Boulevard and Tropicana Avenue. I’ve always considered staying at the Trop to be a 2-For-1 proposition. Trop rooms are as close to the MGM Poker room as are rooms in the MGM itself, and for all intents and purposes, Tropicana rooms are MGM Grand rooms … albiet cheaper. It’s not just proximity to the MGM, though. The Trop location is so good, that staying here is like staying in 6 different properties. As a matter of fact, with 14,762 rooms, the intersection of Trop/LVB has more hotel rooms of any intersection in the entire world, and the intersection is also one of the busiest in the nation from a traffic perspective. All of the major South Strip properties are within 5-10 minute walks via skyways and trams, and thus one can have a fulfilling week-long vacation staying at the Trop without spending a single moment of it sitting in Las Vegas Boulevard traffic.

Tropicana Valet and Cab Stand

View from Tropicana Port Crotch

Second, the view from Tropicana tower rooms are superior to those of more expensive properties such as The Bellagio, and even Encore. You can even enjoy the scenery on the ride to your floor in the glass elevators. Back in 1999-2000, I used to really enjoy staying in top floor tower rooms. Even when I didn’t get a strip view, the ability to watch all of the activity of McCarran airport as if I were staying in the control tower was a unique experience.

View from Tropicana Hotel

Third, the Trop pool has remained one of my favorites for over a decade. While the Mandalay Bay pool is still the gold standard for Vegas swimming holes, and the Flamingo takes the mid-Strip prize, the Tropicana’s offering is still well above average, and has long flown under the radar. Waterfalls, swim-up Blackjack, hillside seating … the fact that it is often left out of discussions of “best pools” has been a bit surprising to me. As I type this, the Tropicana pool is undergoing renovations, and is expected to open before the official beginning of summer. I assume that when it opens, it will be even better than in years past.

Tropicana Pool Under Renovation

Tropicana Pool Under Renovation - Walkway connecting Casino to Hotel Rooms

Lastly, it’s historic. Built in 1957, this property has been standing for over 50 years, and is one of the last remaining properties of the “original” Las Vegas Strip. It should get a certain level of respect for its sheer longevity and contribution to the Vegas story.

Unfortunately, not all is swell in Tropicanaland at this particular moment.

The Island Buffet is now closed, the poker room is long gone, the kiosks that lined the walkway between the casino and the hotel rooms are no longer there, the Bird Man show has moved on, as is the signature show of the property … Folies Bergère. I used to enjoy the buffet, and even though the poker room was small, at least they had one. The loss of Folies is fairly major because it was a large part of the identity and character of the property, and the loss of the buffet may be a problem given the demographic of the hotel. Older, middle-class folks like their buffets, but the Trop is trying to add more “upscale” restaurants instead. We’ll have to see how well that works out.

Island Buffet formerly behind Bar

Walkway between the Casino and Hotel Rooms

Bacio in the Tropicana

Havana Go Go and Wayne Newton at the Tropicana

Back on the positive side, Wayne Newton is back. I saw Newton years ago, and despite his almost universal despise amongst hipsters, I thought his show was pretty enjoyable. It’s nostalgic, like the Trop itself. The venue seems like a good fit.

While the rooms also used to be on the nostalgic side, the Trop guest rooms are also currently undergoing major renovations. There have been many complaints in years past about the “old, smoky, deteriorating” rooms at the Trop, but those concerns are being addressed.

Tropicana Hotel Hallway

Tropicana Hotel Standard Room

Photo of Renovated Tropicana Hotel Room

Tropicana Casino - Blackjack Tables and Sex in the City Slots

Overall, I had a decent time playing in the Tropicana this weekend. Well, except for the Sex and the City slots, which were located adjacent to the Blackjack tables. Blackjack was offered consistently at the $10 limit, and sometimes one or two $5 tables run as well. The only 6:5 game I spotted during my playing time was a single deck game.

Six five on single deck is now fairly standard at low limits, even in some Downtown casinos, but six five single deck is still considerably worse than shoe 3:2. A standard 6-deck, hit soft-17 BJ game has a house advantage of .63%, while the Crapjack single-deck version of the game has an edge of 1.45%. This is a more than twofold give up to the house. Obviously, these stats do not factor in the ability of a person to successfully count cards in the single deck game and regain the edge, but I think it is safe to say that no successful card counter in Las Vegas plays Crapjack. The genius behind casinos offering this game is that it preys primarily on wannabe card-counters.

I satisfied myself with ten bucks per hand, and when all of my sessions had been completed, I think I proved statistical probability. I came away down between 5-10%, but counting dealer and waitress tips, my donation to the gaming gods were probably closer to one or two percent. That’s what I get for waking up in Vegas, as opposed to say, East Rutheford, New Jersey.

Tropicana Port Crotch

Tropicana Lobby

Tropicana Casino Under Renovation Area

Tropicana Casino

Tropicana Casino Information Booth

In any event, if you’ve been avoiding the Tropicana because of its pariah status among 3L1tE tourists, I would opine that you might want to reconsider. This property has always been a sleeper. While it’s true that the casino floor is a bit old-school, and you aren’t likely to spot a large number of nubile Hard Rockettes, the almost completely lack of douchemonkeys and bedheads can actually be a welcome respite. If you just have to get your douche on, the MGM is a mere three minute walk away. Flip your collar up, turn your baseball cap sideways, speak like the black guy you knew in high school, and you can be down wit da homeiz in no time.

Afterwards, cross the bridge back to your inexpensive room, enjoy the view, do some low/mid-roller gambling, and buy a couple of tickets to see Wayne sing “Danke Schoen”. It’s an almost perfect mix of the old Vegas and new Vegas.

Once the room remodels are complete, it would be nice to see more people give the Tropicana a real shot.

Who knows, it just might grow on them.

With a new pool, new restaurants, new rooms, and most importantly … Sex and the City slot machines … hopefully the Trop will emerge a bigger player than it was in the decade past.

A Tale of Two Pizzas

Rex — Wed, 24 Feb 2010 23:36:34 +0000

I have a confession to make.

I’ve been a lousy neighbor.

At least I have been in some respects.

In 2009, I ate at the Wynn Buffet upwards of a dozen times, Paris a dozen more, the Bellagio probably ten times, Aria 3 times (not bad for two weeks of existence), the Stratosphere a handful of times, and I won’t even attempt to count the times I’ve dropped $7 in the Sahara Buffet after jumping off the Monorail and walking home.

Although I have lived in slightly-off-strip neighborhoods for about five years, when I look back at my expenditures, over half of my disposable income was spent in a major Strip property or in the area surrounding Fremont Street. I’ve never bought into the “I avoid tourist areas” mentality that many locals have adopted. Instead, I have embraced said areas. Hell, that’s one of the reasons I moved here … to avail myself of the unique attributes of Las Vegas. Anyone who moves to Vegas and avoids Las Vegas Boulevard is kind of a moron in my book.

Why in the hell else would you move here if not for the casinos? What else is there?

Culture?

The fabulous hell-like Death Valley climate?

The fantastic schools?

Face it, without The Strip and Downtown, Las Vegas is Albuquerque. Just another desert shithole.

While I try to maintain a pretty decent balance between resident and perpetual tourist, if I were to err on one side or the other, it would probably be the latter. I’m certainly a resident, but I may also be the most prolific tourist this town has ever seen. I’m an asset to the mega-corporations, but I’m not as big of an asset to my neighbors.

Instead of supporting local businesses and helping to keep them solvent, I’ve remained obsessively committed to throwing dollar-after-dollar at the corporate overlords who could not give a rat’s ass about Las Vegas or the people in it.

It is for this reason that I have made a concerted effort in 2010 to think globally, and eat locally. If you’ve been onboard for more than a month, you may have noticed that I have been branching out into smaller, near-strip, non-large-chain restaurants as of late. Pop’s, The Mad Greek, Hash House, Metro Pizza, Naked City Sandwich …. this is not a mistake or a coincidence … it is a conscious effort to drag myself away from the buffet status-quo and evaluate places that I have ignored for damn near a decade.

Be they smaller places inside of casinos, or independent joints in the neighborhood, I have decided to expand my horizons this year and eat my way through the “Real Las Vegas”. You know, real food accessible to real people on real budgets. Places which are unlikely to have 800 reviews on travel websites.

Of course, the closer to Rexville any of these places are, the better. Especially if they are good. I’m a pretty loyal customer, so good eating joints close to my own home will almost certainly get a large amount of my business while cutting down on my own travel time substantially.

Last night, I got a craving for Pizza, and the first place that sprang into mind was Metro Pizza. It’s about as good as they come in Vegas, but the closest location to me … Ellis Island … means that I sometimes have to nuke it by the time I get home. It also means that I have to participate in my least favorite activity. Driving.

While I really like Metro Pizza, I do have a problem with their business and civic philosophy. They have a location in Henderson, a location in Boulder Station, a location in Ellis Island, a location one mile west of the Palms, a location near UNLV, but they have completely abandoned the inner-city. They don’t even have a single location within the Las Vegas city limits. Because of this, I would like to find someone else to support financially, if only they could approach the same quality.

The notion that one should have to drive to the suburbs for a good slice of pizza seems decidedly … backward.

After I wrote an article about Metro Pizza last month, I was inundated with “have you tried XXX?” emails. I looked up some of the locations of the places that people were recommending, and there was not a single restaurant within walking distance, not just of my neighborhood, but to any neighborhood anywhere. They were all drive-or-nothing propositions. Because of this, I had tried very few of the places. I’m simply not going to drive 45 minutes round trip just to eat pizza. I grew up walking to carry-out restaurants, and the notion of driving such lengths simply to eat is patently absurd. If you have a favorite restaurant in Las Vegas, and that restaurant is more than 2 miles from Las Vegas Boulevard, the chances that I have eaten there are slim. If I wanted to hang out in Albuquerque, I would have moved to Albuquerque.

Rexville is, unfortunately, somewhat deficient in pizza joints. We do have one popular place called “Boston Pizza”, and the place is okay, but nothing that I would consider out of the ordinary. The location is excellent, but the pizza is more or less what you will find in any strip mall across America.

Albo Pizza is a different animal.

Albo Pizza in Rexville

Sitting directly adjacent to Dino’s, this joint opened roughly one year ago, and they have been faithfully serving food to the residents of Rexville since that time.

I’ve gotten a menu from Albo on several occasions, and given the diversity of said menu, I had assumed Albo would not make terribly good pizza. They just offered way too much other non-pizza food. Generally, restaurants which offer too many dishes are jacks of all trades, masters of none.

Fortunately, this is not the case with Albo. I’ve grabbed slices from the restaurant here and there, but last night represents the first time I have ordered an entire pie.

Inside of Albo Pizza

I called the number on the menu, and a very friendly gentleman answered and took my order. When I walked over to pick up the pie, I was a little disappointed to find the place empty. I talked to the owner for a couple of minutes, and he explained that the economy was taking its toll on the new business. I don’t suppose this is surprising, but since most businesses take a few years to get in the black, it’s not necessarily a terrible omen.

Upon getting home and opening the box, I was quite pleased at the look and smell of the pie. Albo’s “large” pizza is a full 18″, not unlike my … well, you know the drill … and they didn’t skimp on the toppings either.

Albo's 18" pepperoni and black olives pizza

The taste and quality of the food also made me wonder why I didn’t order from here more often. I think it’s because I had always gotten a slice on the run before, and had never really stopped and paid attention to what I was eating.

Albo Pizza is hard to neatly categorize. It’s certainly not thick and bready like Chicago-style pizza, nor is it super thin like New York-style. In a way, it almost reminds me of DC-style pizza, although it’s not quite that either. It’s a medium crust pie with plenty of sauce, cheese, toppings, all of which seem to be decidedly good quality. It all comes together very well, and it’s a very satisfying and somewhat distinct pizza.

Color me impressed.

A real pizzeria in Rexville has officially arrived. At least one I can personally get into.

Now, when the urge hits, I don’t have to travel quite so far for a good pizza. Instead of hopping into the car and driving to Ellis Island every time, I will now have a walking option.

Metro Pizza at Ellis Island

While I would not call Albo a direct competitor to Metro (it’s a different taste altogether), it will be something that I can see myself craving on a routine basis. For this reason, I sincerely hope that Albo Pizza is able to weather the economic downturn and thrive. I will do whatever I can to make this happen. If it requires me eating at the Wynn Buffet a few less times during the year, I will make a concerted effort to do so. I will finally try to be a better neighbor.

If you happen to find yourself in the Rexville area at any point in the future, maybe consider doing the same.

Albo Pizza is certainly well above average, and absolutely worth the trip when you tire of the standard food court/buffet fare.

It’s a real pizza joint in a real neighborhood — and in Las Vegas, this makes it a rare find indeed.

Naked Lunch

Rex — Mon, 15 Feb 2010 17:16:37 +0000

“Rexville” and “dining options” are two phrases which are rarely used in the same sentence.

While we do have some signature establishments such as Tiffany’s, Luv-It, Pepe’s, and Albo’s … for the most part, we are limited to fairly common offerings such as Carl’s Jr. and Denny’s.

This is a shame for such an urban, inner-city neighborhood, but such is the net effect of suburban sprawl. It is my hope, and even counter-intuitive expectation, that Las Vegas may actually reverse its pattern of honky flight. As the outer fringes become cheaper and de-facto “low income” areas, perhaps the former-elite will begin questioning their 45 minute commute. It’s entirely possible that the central city will see a re-imagining. If you are going to live among the riff-raff anyway, you may as well live closer to work and in a place that isn’t completely infested with strip malls and lawn nazis.

Dare to dream.

Until such a time comes when people extend a middle finger to “planned communities”, however, it’s always heartening when an independent business discovers the Rexville neighborhood. Of course, this usually comes at the expense of a failed business, but such is the price of progress I suppose.

Big Island Smoothies and Shave Ice in Rexville

The Naked City Sandwich Shop

Sometime in mid-December, a new establishment took over the shaved ice parlor which used to sit directly adjacent to Dino’s. The new restaurant is called the “Naked City Sandwich Shop”. This joint was supposedly founded by a couple of chefs who worked in restaurants on The Strip. Why did they decide to open a sandwich shop? In this neighborhood of all places? It’s hard to say, but it’s certainly an interesting move.

For the past 6 weeks or so, I have passed the Naked City Sandwich shop on a near-daily basis with alternating amusement and curiosity. You have to give props to any business that openly advertises their affiliation with the seediest, most dangerous neighborhood in the entire state of Nevada. At least that is the perception of said neighborhoods, and I’m not sure that it’s completely unwarranted.

On Saturday, I finally decided to dine in the establishment.

I called the place up and ordered their signature dish named, appropriately enough, “The Naked Sandwich”. I figured if I called before I left, the sandwich would be ready to go by the time I got there, and this was indeed the case.

When I walked in and got the attention of the chef/cashier, she handed me a humongous bag to carry back home. At first I thought she had gotten my order mixed up with that of a large corporate picnic, but as it turns out, they just use large paper bags because they hate trees. Or because plastic bags make baby seals cry. I’m out of the eco-loop, so I won’t pretend to know what is fashionable for the planet these days.

The Naked City Sandwich Shop's Humongous Carry Out Bag

The cashier was pleasant enough, but I was a little dismayed by yet another goddamn tip jar. I really wish businesses would stop putting these things by the cash register. To me, it really, really seems like begging — and there is some kind of psychological pressure surrounding it. It makes me feel like a penile implant if I put my change in my pocket instead of dropping it in the jar. Like I am just oh-so cheap if I actually want to keep my coins.

It wasn’t like the sandwich was inexpensive either. It was $10. This is the same price as the Hash House and the Mad Greek, and is somewhat pricey for a carryout joint in Rexville. I didn’t want to be an ass, but neither did I want to encourage the carry-out tip behavior … so I pocketed my change while looking around and acting like I didn’t see the jar. I don’t want to be a pushover, but I don’t want to be rude either.

After waving to Craig Ferguson and passing three pants-less murderers on my way home, I tore open the bag and then opened the styrofoam container that encapsulated my sandwich.

Styrofoam inside of a paper bag? Isn’t that an eco oxymoron?

Not for me to say.

Anyway, when I finally got to the food, I was pleasantly surprised. I was greeted with a large sandwich, garlic/onion/salt roll containing a generous amount of roast beef. It tasted even better than it looked. The meat was rare, tender, and practically melted in my mouth. Your mother says the same thing about my … never mind.

The Naked City Sandwich Shop - The Naked Sandwich

Seriously, I devoured the Naked Sandwich pretty quickly, and I found the meat to be some of the highest quality I have ever had in a ten buck deli offering. Not only was the sandwich itself good, but so was the pickle and the vegetable sides. Of the quick $10 meals I’ve had in the last few weeks, I would have to say that this was my favorite. The fact that I procured the food in Rexville, within quick walking distance to my home made it all the better.

Now that I have actually tried the food, I think it is safe to say that I will be a repeat customer to The Naked City Sandwich Shop.

Great location, great name, great food … what’s not to like?

The prices may be a tiny bit on the high side for a strictly locals joint, but given the quality of the ingredients, I don’t imagine that the prices could be much lower. If I can convince them to get rid of the damn tip jar, it just might be perfect.

The shop is also directly across the street from the Olympic Garden, and is a mere one block away from Luv-It Custard and the small crack/heroin market that operates behind it (trust me, I’m not telling the LVMPD anything they don’t already know).

In any event, for those of you who usually give no thought to the small, sketchy neighborhood that you have to traverse while going from The Strip to Fremont Street … you now have another reason to stop and spend some time here.

If you do happen to try out Naked City Sandwich, tell them Rex sent you.

They have absolutely no idea what my name is, but taking time to explain it to them will give you perfect cover to avoid the tip jar.