Another Swing and Miss From The LVCVA
May 28, 2009
The LVCVA is finally throwing in the towel.
After millions of dollars and years of trying to come up with a new slogan, the agency has decided that they simply cannot do it. At least not on a large scale.
“Your Vegas is Showing” flopped, “Take a Break” was met with a collective yawn, and … well … everything the agency has touched in the last couple of years has failed to resonate with most Americans.
Since the highly-paid, highly-educated employees of both R&R and the Visitors Authority are completely unable to come up with anything original, they are bringing back the only successful thing they have ever come up with.
Sort of.
They dusted off “What Happens in Vegas, Stays in Vegas”, applied their expensive college degrees and years of marketing experience, held a massive brainstorm session and came up with the following:
“What Happens Here, Stays Here”.
I excrement you not.
They are literally taking our tax dollars, replacing the words “In Vegas” with the word “Here”, and are pimping the same damn ad campaign all over again. I formally take back everything derogatory I have ever said about college education. The marketing degrees these folks received are clearly worth every last penny.
Seriously … I hate, loathe, and despise every permutation of this slogan.
Why?
Because nothing in this slogan could be further from the truth.
From the time you get off the plane, to the time you get back on the plane, your every move is tracked like no place else on Earth.
Thousands of cameras will have captured your image (some of them running your face through a database), the games you play will be tracked, the amount you bet will be tracked, when and what you eat will be tracked, your license plate number will be recorded by the parking garage cameras, your cab rides to the strip clubs and Pahrump brothels will be recorded in full (most Vegas cabs have cameras), they know when you enter your room, they know when you leave your room, they know when someone else enters your room, they know when you scratch your ass in the elevator … the fact is that Las Vegas is arguably the least anonymous city in the known galaxy.
The saying makes zero sense whatsoever. It’s not even an endearing term like “I Love New York”. Someone just thought up the biggest lie they could and turned it into a slogan.
Anyone who uses any permutation of “What Happens in Vegas”, is someone for whom the entire known galaxy should have contempt. People who use this phrase are Special Olympians almost on-par with people who use terms from the movie “Swingers”. Notice I said “almost”. Anyone who uses the phrase “Vegas, Baby!” should be decapitated on the spot with an African circumcision sword.
But wait, there’s more.
Having completely given up any creative ideas of their own, the LVCVA is actively encouraging people to make up their own holidays so that they can “feel good about their decision to come to Las Vegas”.
You can’t make this s*&t up.
Cathy Tull of the LVCVA actually told our local CBS affiliate: “We are giving them permission to make up a holiday and come to Vegas and feel good about their decision, and that’s what they want. They want permission to take that break.”
Permission?
Do people really seek permission from the LVCVA before deciding on a course of action? In practice, has that ever actually happened? At least the agency doesn’t have a grossly inflated sense of self-esteem.
Despite my misgivings, however, we may be onto something with this “make up your own holiday” concept.
You see, I’ve always felt that there should be a holiday devoted to monkey scrotums. As a believer in evolution, the primate scrote was the immediate precursor of my own … and what can I tell you … I love my sack. So does your mother. Given these facts, that we don’t actively celebrate monkey scrotums is nothing short of a travesty.
Therefore, I am taking the LVCVA’s advice, and I am making up my own holiday. Monkey Scrotum Day.
I envision it’s a holiday similar to President’s Day or the Forth of July, except with more monkey scrotums.
Please show the LVCVA what you think of their new advertising campaign by celebrating my made up holiday with me.
The next time you find yourself in Vegas checking into a room, slap your credit card on the counter and proudly declare “I’m here to celebrate monkey scrotums!” If you thought the $20 “trick” got you a sweet room upgrade, wait until you see what you get when you loudly declare your affection for the testicular sacks of primates. I think you’ll be pleasantly surprised.
You will also make the Visitors Authority very proud of their brainchild.
Now if you will excuse me, I feel a bowel movement coming on, so I need to get on the phone quickly to procure the requisite permission from the LVCVA.
I really, really want to feel good about taking this dump.
Written by tully on May 28, 2009 at 6:32 pm
Don’t you think “Blue Balls Day” would be catchier? Perhaps a fairly accurate description of a lot of guys state when roaming the Strip. Oh wait—that’s probably not “happy”, exactly. But the LVCVA certainly has creative blue balls—they can’t produce anything worth a damn. Maybe a day to point out their gross ineptitude?
I still like “Being Here Is Everything” and “Find Your Own Personal Vegas” but strangely, LVCVA never asked my opinion.
The allegedly new slogan is just sad—-really, really, sad.
Written by ColinFromLasVegas on May 28, 2009 at 6:41 pm
I’m with you about them rocket scientist brainstormings at the LVCVA. Recently, I have seen where they said locals are good to come to casinos on the Strip and give them discounts and free stuff. Huh? That’s weird. For the longest time, the corporate world only wanted tourists. But, now because of a bad economic situation, the LVCVA says, okay, we change that way of thinking, locals are good, not because they are, but because we’re not getting the tourist numbers we want, so lets supplement that with locals, and, what the hey, we come out with that, it makes us look like we’re actually doing something. The reality about that is that workers in the casinos don’t spend their money there or at other casinos. They take it home and use it to live and survive. Gambling is entertainment and a luxury. And they all know that.
Then the lunacy with the LVCVA continues with a Tuesday a couple of weeks ago where they said everyone wear blue on that day, proclaiming it “Get Tourists To Vegas By Wearing Blue For Jesus Day.” Huh? These people have Masters Degrees in marketing, but they come up with something that a kindergarten teacher came up with as an idea for her students 20 years ago?
And now, they go full circle with stupid slogans that go nowhere so they take the most successful one and switch it around. High fives around the table for coming up with that mental midget idea! LAS VEGAS IS SAVED! Gimme a break. I’ve always said they should have changed that slogan more to reality: “Whatever MONEY you bring to Vegas, STAYS in Vegas!”
You hit the nail on the head though, Rex. I’m with ya all the way on Monkey Scrotum Day.
I say we drape a couple of inflated hot air balloons and tie them so they hang upside down just around the base of the Stratosphere Tower! Use it to further that idea by making an icon that will hit national news. And instead of “Vegas, baby!” you’ll hear “Monkey scrotum, baby!” or “You gotta get scrotum funky…like a bowlegged monkey!” And serve in these high end restaurants Rocky Mountain Fricasse of Monkey Scrotum. Get this whole monkey scrotum thing rolling and advertise it like crazy. Sounds good to me. Better than what nuclear physics LVCVA is coming up with.
Anyways, nice article, Rex. You always give me a chuckle to go through the day with.
Written by SPRUNT on May 28, 2009 at 6:43 pm
I may be a bit biased but I like the one I came up with a few years ago.
“Where would you rather be?”
http://i89.photobucket.com/albums/k224/sprunt666/RatherFountain.jpg
http://i89.photobucket.com/albums/k224/sprunt666/RatherBe.jpg
http://i89.photobucket.com/albums/k224/sprunt666/WhereVegas.jpg
Written by keith on May 28, 2009 at 7:25 pm
here’s a few more ideas for LVCLA approved holidays:
douchebag day (nevermind, thats kinda year round)
over the hill strippers with C-section scars day
kiddie porn day (guest performer gary glitter)
kid toucher day (guest performer michael jackson, of course)
GILF day
Andrea Yates pool party at Rehab day
redneck incest in the back of an El Camino day
Written by Rex on May 28, 2009 at 7:44 pm
I’m still partial to “Being Here is Everything”.
It is not original because it is the slogan for Dodger Stadium, but at least it’s tried and true and won’t cost us any more money. It would be a first for Vegas.
It’s also makes 100x times more sense than “What Happens Here Stays Here” … because it’s clearly untrue.
Just ask OJ, and Pacman Jones, and the people who get W2-G’s when they hit a jackpot, etc, etc.
Written by cactusrose on May 28, 2009 at 7:47 pm
“Being Here Is Everything” and “Find Your Own Personal Vegas” – I like those also
“Where would you rather be?” – good one
LOL @ keith’s ideas!
The LVCVA should hire you guys haha!
Written by cactusrose on May 28, 2009 at 7:54 pm
forgot to add – lol loved your photos sprunt!!
Written by salukidean on May 28, 2009 at 8:47 pm
So has a date been set for monkey scrotum day? I need to start planning this trip!
Written by LizzieGirl on May 29, 2009 at 6:08 am
“Being Here Is Everything” is great.
So is “Where Would You Rather Be?”. Love the pics on that one.
Both are true.
Rex and Sprunt, your intelligence is showing.
Written by Greg on May 29, 2009 at 9:26 am
Actually, the slogan has always been “What happens here, stays here.” They haven’t made any changes to that slogan at all. It never was “What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas.”
That was the slogan some lady in California tried to put on a shirt back in 2005/2006.
Hopefully these stories below will serve as evidence.
http://www001.lasvegassun.com/news/2005/nov/07/lvcva-to-hire-firm-to-protect-slogan/
http://www001.lasvegassun.com/news/2006/aug/15/what-happens-here-stays-with-lvcva/
http://www.lasvegassun.com/news/2005/oct/14/columnist-jeff-german-in-legal-battle-with-lvcva-t/
You can also look up columns by Steve Friess or probably contact him through his blog. He has always been quick to point out that the slogan never had the words “Vegas” in it.
Not sure if that makes it any better; probably makes it worse.
Written by Aaron on May 29, 2009 at 2:42 pm
How ’bout this one:
Vegas.
Everything else is just black and white.
or
Las Vegas – WWRD?
What Would Rex Do?
with a picture of two A’s (at a black jack table)
Written by Ron on May 30, 2009 at 7:52 pm
“Being here is Everything” does indeed make a lot more sense than “What Happens Here, Stays here,” which for a few years was sorta “Hip.” Reintroducing WHHSH again takes a lotta guts, but it only leaves a simple question…….. Will people go for it?
Or how ’bout the late 70’s “The Great Entertainer” and “Nobody Does it Better?”
To me, it’s old.
Wearing the color blue for Jesus day? What ever happened to the separation of Church and State?
Or Even the Separation of Church and Casinos, Strip Bars, etc?
I’d rather wear all (or any) of the following colors: orange, yellow (primary) and/or green. (And maybe white thrown in….or to make it simple….how bout white during the day or black at night.?)
And for LVCVA to have me to name my own holiday in Las Vegas?
Just call it Las Vegas Day, and designate its days of celebration between May 15 to May 17…Helldarado included.
Simple.