Disneyland in the Desert
October 8, 2009
What happens here, stays here!
We’re Sin City and we want you to come and do nasty perverted stuff and get away with it!
Las Vegas, go ahead, steal a tiger!
Ow, we so hawny, we ruv you wrong time!
You’ve seen the hype, now see the truth.
Little Darlings and Bail Bonds
According to the Associated Press, lap dances in Vegas may soon be a thing of the past.
“Las Vegas police are pushing a proposal that would let lap dancers be cited for lewd conduct if they improperly touch customers. Police told Clark County commissioners this week that a loophole prevents undercover officers from citing dancers who cross the line by straddling a customer or groping someone’s genitals.”
Frankly, I always enjoy it when the mainstream media uses the word “genitals”. Something about it just makes me feel more legitimate. I don’t want to be cocky, but one might go so far as to say that I feel damn near 40% accurate.
“Lt. Karen Hughes says dancers sometimes try to arouse patrons before soliciting prostitution.“
In further breaking news, the sun rises in the East.
Seriously, did we really need Lt. Karen Hughes to tell us this?
Apparently, the AP did.
I would love to have been a fly on the wall in the Associated Press editor’s office when the lightbulb went off in his head as he screamed “Ah ha! So that’s how they’ve been doing it. Stop the presses, we have a scoop. I just found out how women have been getting men to part with their money for the last 8,000 years! Get this, they arouse them first. It’s genius … pure genius.”
If the Las Vegas Police Department grants rank increases on the basis of stating the obvious, I would hereby like to officially announce the promotion of Lt. Hughes to the position of God.
Watching a city destroy its very own heavily-promoted image is kind of interesting in a twisted and vicarious kind of way, but this latest proposal is a major problem not just to local pervs, but also to the local economy.
Some females and Mac owners are probably rubbing their chins and wondering “Gee, what’s the big deal? This rule sounds fair.”
Allow me to clarify the problem:
The sole purpose of a lap dance is knob contact of some kind. Anything less is not a lap dance. At least not a lap dance that anyone would want.
Ergo, while the proposal does not state as much, its actual intent is the complete outlaw of lap dances in Las Vegas.
Are you sure you still want to book that ticket? It’s not too late. You may still be able to call your travel agent and say “Please send me anywhere else!” At this point, it might be worth the re-booking fee.
As noted before, just about every Vegas ad campaign that has been dreamed up in recent history has been predicated on our supposed permissiveness of bad behavior, and here we are … pushing for G-Rated strip clubs. It defies logic.
I’ve taken some skillfully-flung crap over my disdain for the movie “Hangover”, but I believe this latest news only serves to further vindicate my position. How are you going to make the case that people can wreck hotel rooms and steal police cars when they can’t even get the same Fing lap dance that they can in Gresham, Oregon?
As if our local dancing population was not already hit hard enough by the recession, this new proposal just throws salt in the wound.
Let’s face it, lap dances don’t need more bad publicity because they are already a marginal proposition as it is. You pay $30 per song so that an attractive woman can use your own pants to sandpaper the skin off of your wiener, and then send you on your way with blue balls and an empty wallet.
The only reason we put up with this travesty is the promise, no matter how slight, of sex in the Champagne Room. Chris Rock was dead wrong on this one. Don’t ask me how I know, but I assure you that it does happen if enough money is spent.
The lap dance is the low-budget version of the Champagne Room, but we still hope for a party in our pants even if we’re the only ones invited.
Every male, and I mean every male gets a lap dance solely for the splooge potential. If anyone tells you that this is not their intent when they throw down the cash, they are lying their ass off. Period.
AEE 2007
AEE 2008
AEE 2009
AEE 2009
As a matter of fact, splooge-induction is the very definition of “mileage”. The fewer the songs the better. When we are getting a dance, we are not listening to the music or trying to impress the ladies with our stamina. We want a quick dopamine fix. If the dancer can make it happen in three minutes or less, this woman has what’s known as “loyal customers”.
If this proposal is enforced, all of this will cease.
Strippers will find themselves out of work so fast their heads will spin, and clubs will find it nearly impossible to attract patrons because there will be little to no difference between a strip club and nudie shows such as Crazy Girls.
As bad proposals go, this is about as bad as they come, and the unfortunate timing only makes it worse.
If the douchemonkeys who run this town keep it up, please be good enough to follow me to my new home: PahrumpRex.
If this proposal is enforced, Massage Parlors will start seeing one hell of a spike in business.
At least until they get busted as well.
And so you have it.
Another nail in the coffin of the grand myth that is “Sin City”.
Written by mike_ch on October 8, 2009 at 7:53 pm
So exactly what do you want? I always thought the rules should be like they are in Canada, where their court (their Supreme Court, no less!) set what is considered a very liberal set of rules:
“The court is of the opinion that the sole fact of touching does not constitute an act of prostitution. The touching has to constitute a sexual exchange like masturbation, fellatio, penetration or sodomy.”
In other words, you can touch them/it freely; you just can’t stroke, suck, lick, whatever else is done explicitly for the purpose of getting off.
Between that, and that the non-dance rooms are generally free viewing (Canada doesn’t have any paper money below $5, and people don’t want to throw coins at women, so the general public dancing stuff you aren’t expected to pay for), that the bouncers are less likely to break both your arms and get away with it like they can in Nevada, and that a surprising number of Canadian girls are actually kinda hot…
Well, if I was going on vacation for the purposes of Strip Clubs, I know I’D be going. Better go apply for your passport now, the wait can be several weeks.
Written by alberta on October 8, 2009 at 8:35 pm
Something must be up between the cops and strip clubs. WTF? Vegas is sin city. With all the crackdowns on lately….someone(s) high up must not have paid their protection money.
Written by briguyx on October 8, 2009 at 11:01 pm
Of course, the funniest thing (or maybe the saddest) is a guy can sit down at a bar at any of the big casinos at night and be propositioned upteen times, and the police don’t notice that… Not that I’ve bothered to visit a strip club on a Vegas trip since the closure of Crazy Horse 2. A guy’s gotta have standards!
Written by SPRUNT on October 9, 2009 at 11:17 am
Could be worse. A few years ago Seattle had a “4 foot rule” that didn’t allow dancers within 4 feet of patrons. Luckily, the public voted that down and things went back to the way they were.
Imagine a strip club where you couldn’t get within 4 feet of the women. May as well just sit home and watch porn.
Written by IAHawx on October 9, 2009 at 11:47 am
I was at Spearmint Rhino in Vegas back in 2004 just days after a law had been enacted making it illegal for the strippers to touch the patrons with their breasts. I was in the club literally for 5 minutes when a buddy surreptitiously paid one of the girls to give me a lap dance (as a joke because he thought she looked like Janice from The Muppet Show).
Pretty much as soon as the dance started she ran her nipple up my face across my lips and said, “Oops,” in mock regret. I’m guessing until the fines start to outpace the cash the girls make this probably won’t impact the strip club experience much.
Written by Team Valtrex on October 9, 2009 at 7:11 pm
Call me a liar, but I’ve never gotten a lapdance with the hope that it would get me off. Being over the age of 14, it takes a little bit more than incidental contact to make me spray.
Written by vudoo on October 10, 2009 at 12:25 pm
“it takes a little bit more than incidental contact to make me spray.”
What ? Are you a cat or somethin’
Written by Rex on October 10, 2009 at 2:58 pm
Call me a liar, but I’ve never gotten a lapdance with the hope that it would get me off. Being over the age of 14, it takes a little bit more than incidental contact to make me spray.
There’s typically more than “incidental” contact in a good lap dance, and were it not for this contact, I’ve no idea why anyone would pay for one.
Since you’ve already seen her naked on the stage, what the hell is the $20-$30 for?
Written by steve on October 10, 2009 at 5:28 pm
Seriously, if they keep this shit up I will rethink my vacation plans. Which sucks because I go to Vegas to throw away money at the tables, eat steaks, get drunk, have my junk rubbed by a stripper, and get laid.
Oh, and in the process I eat at drive thrus, go to shows, buy crap, tip the locals, buy gas, shop at Walmart, Albertson’s, and Target.
And if I can’t do the first, I’m sure as hell not gonna do the second. I might as well fly to Amsterdam. At least then I can get stoned, too. Legally, I mean.
Written by Maxamillian on October 11, 2009 at 7:06 am
This is going to nothing but kill the local economy more. My first sample of a strip club in Shreveport I learned about the three foot rule. I’ve not been back since to help those poor single moms complete their dental hygienist certification.
Written by john on October 11, 2009 at 8:20 am
The question is would the LV cops consider ” incidental contact ” a worse offense than playing your radio too loud. Who wants to get shot at during a lap dance.
Written by loren on April 16, 2010 at 1:54 pm
I wonder if the McCarthy style stripper witchhunt is being perpetrated by people who view us as
option A
“Just another one of those homewrecking ho’s.
Those homewrecking ho’s are all the same. They are the reason that daddy left mommy.
No daddy should ever be expected to take responsibility for his responsibilities. It’s all their fault. They’re bad!”
or maybe it’s option B
“My mom was just a ho and all those ho’s are the same.
Anyone can support kids without any help from family or the guy who got them pregnant.
Even though most people have some help from the guy who got them pregnant, his family and her family.
That b*t%h ho mom of mine, was not willing to make enough of an effort.
Raising kids without any help from anyone, is easy, for anyone who is willing to make the effort. Why would anyone with kids, who has no help from anyone at all, ever decide to be a stripper?
I feel like royalty. How come my family, that I never met, refused to play along with my feelings of royalty? It makes me so angry!”
Could it be option C?
“Ya sure I cheated on that rich &i#ch, but she deserved it. At least I have good enough morals to know, that if I were a female, I would never be some lap dance ho! Those girls are gross.”
Perhaps it’s option D
“Why would my bf or hubbi want to look at a bunch of gross lap dance ho’s? My Mommy and Daddy have tons of $$$. I have the best everything. Those lap dance ho’s present no threat to me. (at least that’s what I say out loud) They are stupid and trashy.
I have never been without anything, and I never will. I don’t stoop to anything, because I don’t have to. I get so angry when people say that I have been more fortunate than others. I am simply predestined to be superior. That is why I have so much $$$$!”
For anyone who is interested, you can see what other strippers think about this witchhunt by checking out the Vegas Vice thread on StripperWeb.
http://forum.stripperweb.com/showthread.php?t=138481&page=3
Written by loren on April 18, 2010 at 11:48 am
http://vegasblog.latimes.com/vegas/2…strippers.html
article- “A concern is that dancers often rub and grind on patrons to arouse them before soliciting prostitution, said Lt. Karen Hughes, who works in the Metropolitan Police Department’s vice unit.
OK, but soliciting prostitution is already a crime. And, based on the strippers I know, they don’t have to solicit acts of prostitution; they have to spend most of their nights refusing such requests from customers. “
Me- If Lt. Hughes really is concerned with solicitation to prostitution why don’t they have undercover cops posing as strippers so they can arrest all the customers who solicit us for prostitution?
article- “And then there is the obvious: Strippers make money by giving lewd lap dances. It is called “a lap dance.” Where do you think a stripper’s body is going reach a point of contact on a guy customer in something called “a lap dance”?
Me- If Lt. Hughes is really so concerned about lewdness why don’t they have undercover cops posing as strippers to arrest all of the customers who try to stick their hands down our g string and grab at our boobs? Talk about lewd behavior!
article- “So, what I think is really happening is that the police want to shift the burden from wealthy and politically well-connected club owners to individual dancers.”
Me- Due to the fact that all responsibilities for anything that happens in the club has been placed on the dancers in the guise of fighting prostitution we currently have absolutely no protection whatsoever. The guys can do anything they want. And believe me they do. Dancing in Las Vegas has turned into a nightmare.
Written by loren on April 19, 2010 at 2:33 am
Strippers do not have the authority to kick guys out or do anything about the girls who actually are real prostitutes. We are not bouncers, managers or owners. So why has the burden of management and ownership been shifted over to us when we have no authority to control anything that is happening in the club?
If all they want is money they could make such a fortune arresting customers for lewd behavior and solicitation to prostitution. In just one day, they would have enough money to not have to make any arrests or give any tickets for the rest of the year.