ONLINE GAMBLING AND CASINO GUIDE

About a year or so ago, I visited a property that shall remain nameless.  As I walked through Nameless Hotel and Casino, I passed a security guard who nonchalantly said “Hi, Vegas Rex”.

I looked up, realized I had never seen the gentleman before, and said “Hi, do I know you?”

“You don’t know me, but we are notified as soon as you walk in”, he said.

“That doesn’t sound good”, I hesitantly responded.

The guard went on to explain to me that they were instructed to leave me alone unless I was doing something disruptive.  They knew that I was not a terrorist and the casino didn’t mind being written about, as long as it wasn’t in the context of “… where I was beaten by a security guard”.  Believe it or not, some places actually want the publicity of my being somewhere.  Especially if I write about it.

Of course, this was one property.  Not everyone is obligated to abide by the “leave Rex alone rule”, although I really wish it were put into law somewhere.  When I become Mayor, rest assured that it will be.

While I will not mention the name of the specific property referenced above, I will tell you where it is not.  The Hard Rock Hotel and Casino.

Last week I received an email containing a standard boilerplate press release announcing the Monday opening of the HRH Tower and Casino at the Hard Rock — with the addition “why don’t you come by and take a look at it” typed at the bottom.

The Hard Rock is not a frequent destination for yours truly, and it has been a couple of months since I have been inside of the property … but I typed the date in my calendar and thought little else of it.  Until today.

I had to deposit someone at the airport this morning, and after checking my calendar, I decided to drop by the Hard Rock for about half an hour.  It was admirable that they still opened the expansion in these economic conditions.  It was downright ballsy that they would open alongside City Center.

Because of this, I wanted to try and give them props.  Honestly, I went in looking for every bit of good that I could possibly find.  Say what you will about me, but on the whole I think I am fairly generous and forgiving.

After parking the Bentley (I traded in the Porsche for something that better matched my shoes), I walked into the Hard Rock main entrance and found the spot where the original “Joint” used to be.  I saw many a show in this venue, and was bummed when they closed it, so it was nice to see that they at least did put the space to use.

The “new” casino retains the same theme as the rest of the property.  It’s still modern with video monitors and plenty of rock and roll memorabilia on the wall.  There are gaming tables, a central bar, an attractive high-limit room, and in a first for a Las Vegas casino … slot machines.  The color scheme seems more or less identical to that on the main floor, although the new casino has a standard hallway layout verses the “casino-in-the-round” design of the older gaming area.

One thing that did surprise me was the emptiness of the property.  New additions tend to attract a large number of onlookers, but this was a decidedly low-key affair.  Work was still being finished in the casino, and there was a definite “still under construction” vibe going on.

I walked around, made small talk with a few employees, and circled the casino floor while snapping a few low-res photos along the way.

When I finished orienting myself, I decided to pull out my “real” camera with my accompanying ©Big Ass Flash.

The ©Big Ass Flash tends to be slightly overwhelming, so I sought out the nearest security personnel simply to give them a courtesy heads up.  Given the dearth of patrons, I did not anticipate this being a problem.

I made my way to the security podium, and began my conversation:

“Good morning.  The place looks nice.  I already got a few dozen shots but I’d like to light the room up a bit and get some high resolution photos to showcase the additions”, I said.

The older gentleman working security looked up and said “Who are you?”

I immediately replied “I’m Vegas Motherf**king Rex, bitch … check yo’self fool!”

At this point, I pulled out my 9mm pistol, held it to his head, and yelled “What’s my name?  What’s my name?”

Tears streamed down his face as he screamed “I’m sorry Vegas Rex, please forgive me”, and it was at this point that I busted a cap in his ass because a brother can’t afford to let his pimp hand go soft, knowhatimsayin’?

After the above scene played out in my head, I calmly responded “My name is Rex and I’m just checking out the expansion.”

“Were you invited?”, he asked.

“Was I invited to the casino?”, I responded.

“Were you invited to take pictures?”, he said.

“I don’t know what that means.  I was asked to come and check it out by people who know that I take pictures”, I replied.

“May I see the invitation?”, he asked.

“I didn’t get an invitation, I got an email asking me to come, and lucky you … here I am”, I stated flatly.

“Did you print out the email?”, he responded.

“Nope”, I said.

“Can you print it out and come back?”, he asked.

“You want me to go home, open my email applications, print out the email, come back, present it to you, and then take photos?”, I asked.

“Yes”, he said.

I laughed, stuffed my ©Big Ass Flash Unit in the bag next to my laptop and just … left.

Now, I could have easily fired up my Blackberry and showed him the email on the spot.  I also could have pulled out my “mainstream” media badge (yes, I have one).  You might be surprised where you have viewed some of my other crap.

I didn’t do either of these things, however.

First of all, there was nothing inside so spectacular that made any extra effort on my part worthwhile.  I didn’t spot the Hope Diamond or an elusive unicorn.  It was a casino.

Second, it doesn’t make sense for me to jump through hoops for the privilege of promoting or advertising someone else’s properties under my name anymore.  It confers absolutely no benefit upon yours truly.  It’s hard enough to get me motivated to go somewhere specific in the first place, and even harder to get me to give a damn once I get there.  It’s a big town with a lot of places to go.  I can take or leave any specific place.

Third, the Hard Rock should pay for advertising, not get a free ride.  PR folks will always have fanboy brigades, sock puppets, and meat puppets, but I’m not sure how much they really matter.

Casino ad budgets have been slashed, mainstream media is cutting back on salaried reporters every week, and circulation for most publications are in the toilet.

I’ve already been burned while trying to get business for places that I thought deserved it.  I got 100,000+ unique views pimping Sexxpresso, I distributed photos to wire services which in turn got millions of more views, yet I couldn’t even get the ladies to pose on a return visit.  I brought 20 people to the Gold Spike last summer, and they complained that we brought them too much business. Not only that, but they raised the table limits and treated our highest roller poorly.  I vouched for the Strip Hard Rock Cafe a few months ago, and they treated two of our members like crap on a recent visit.

Since every PR and marketing person in this town has done such a spectacular job of imploding and making piss-poor decisions over the last several years, I’m going to relax, grab a box of popcorn, and just sit back and watch.  I’ll do my own thing and give my honest opinions, but I’ll do it at my own leisure and I’ll take the path of least resistance.  Cloud 9 was the beginning of the end for this nonsense. I’m five years into this and I’m not going out on a limb for anyone at this point.  Screw the fanboy crap.  This town’s already a giant toolbox.  That’s why nobody believes the hype that spews forth from our orifices anymore.

Furthermore, it shouldn’t matter who I am.  Let’s say for the sake of argument that I am Harry Balsagna from Buttcrack, Indiana.  If I come into your casino with a camera … kiss my ass.  Hell, if I come into the casino at all … kiss my ass.

Anyway, the Hard Rock Hotel and Casino opened a 350 suite tower today in addition to 40,000 square feet of casino space, blah blah blah whatever.

I guess I just wrote an article about them anyway.

Touche’ Hard Rock.

• Keep updated through Newsletter or on Facebook

  E-mail:
  

  Subscribe
  Unsubscribe