Ocean's Zero
November 14, 2008
Really, these heists are so lame that they don’t even deserve a number.
Las Vegas casinos are getting robbed at a rate that is, frankly, unprecedented in the age of modern casino security.
As layoffs continue and foreclosures rise here in the Las Vegas Valley, people are turning to what they have always historically turned to in desperate times.
Namely … crime.
“Why do you rob banks?”
“Because that’s where the money is.”
The same can be said for casinos. As a matter of fact, they are likely to have much more cash laying around than the average bank.
Las Vegas Hilton Sportsbook
In September the Hilton sports book was robbed. That robbery was kind of interesting, because they threw firecrackers all over the place to disorient people and frighten them before taking the loot. Fine, a box of firecrackers costs about five bucks, but at least they made some effort at creativity.
Last night, in arguably the most lame casino robberies ever, both Fitzgeralds and the Wildfire Casino were knocked over.
Fitzgeralds Casino in Downtown Las Vegas
Wildfire Casino in North Las Vegas
It was none of that “Ocean’s 11″ crap.
Not even close.
These heists were about as low-tech as they come.
At Fitzgerlad’s, a guy walked up to the cashier’s cage and said “Gimme your money”.
There was a slight twist in the Wildfire robbery. At that casino, a guy walked up to the cashier’s cage and said “Gimme your money, bitch”.
Okay, I don’t know if he said “bitch” or not, I am just trying to figure out ways to make these capers seem more badass than they actually were.
The Fitzgerald’s robber actually hopped in a cab to get away, which begs the question, how much do you tip a cabbie when you use him as a wheelman?
I assume the usual 20% would be considered cheap. If any cabbies out there have any tipping guidelines for when you use them as getaway drivers in robberies, I’m sure it would be of interest to more than a few people.
Anyway …
This is supposed to be the excitement capital of the world and I shudder to think that our casinos can be robbed in the same manner as a local 7-11.
However, apparently … they can.
Take that George Clooney and Brad Pitt with all of your intricate planning!
All you had to do all along was say “gimme the money”, hop in a cab, and that would have been the end of it.
We also wouldn’t have had to suffer through the inane romantic sub-plots with Julia Roberts, but I digress …
According to police reports, the robber at Fitzgerald’s took over $5,000, and the surveillance cameras were able to determine that he had dual African and American citizenship, describing him as “African-American”.
I wasn’t even aware that “Africa” was a country that issued passports. Shows you what I know.
The guy at the Wildfire Casino took off with over $10,000.
Apparently they didn’t get a look at his passport, because we have no idea what his nationality was.
If I had to guess, he was probably Canadian.
Why?
Because they speak funny.
I don’t trust anyone who can’t pronounce the word “about” properly.
Don’t even get me started on “hockey” a/k/a “soccer on ice”.
Anyway, the LVMPD (Las Vegas Metropolitan Police Department) is investigating all of these cases. So far their intense investigations have resulted in the arrests of … nobody.
That doesn’t stop them from acting like they are on top of things, though.
Metro police have apparently been using Google, and recently informed us that robberies spike during the Holiday season.
They have urged all residents of Las Vegas to “be aware of their surroundings”.
Thanks for the tip!
I usually walk around wearing a blindfold, but I guess I’ll stop doing that now.
All hail the Las Vegas Metro Police and their sage advice. Tax money well spent!
I don’t want to sound like I am being too hard on our local cops. There is a well publicized jaywalking crackdown here in the valley (no, I am not kidding), and you can only stretch resources so thin.
You can ignore a burgler here and there, but a grandmother stepping into a crosswalk 5 seconds too soon … well, you just can’t ignore that. If you were to let things like that slide, society would quickly devolve into complete anarchy.
As far as casino robberies are concerned, I honestly doubt that they will become a huge problem. I’m sure the big Strip casinos have already put more extreme measures into place, and despite some of the warnings being given, I think such incidents will be very isolated.
However, just to be on the absolute safe side, I have my own personal safety advice for all people planning a trip to Las Vegas:
Keep your cash in a safe, and watch out for Canadians.
It’s good advice. Take it.
Written by Troy in Las Vegas on November 15, 2008 at 2:18 am
You are absolutely right. We can not have grandmothers, or any mothers for that matter stepping off the curb too early or jaywalking. How am I supposed to speed in my car effeciently if we have pedestrians in the way?
Written by Shonda on November 15, 2008 at 6:24 pm
Oh goodness watch out for those jaywalkers… Looks like LVMPD is doing a stellar job there; every time I’m in Vegas I see dozens of jaywalkers. Usually crossing the road to meet up with some more porn slappers to gather their collector’s cards. Resources well spent, I tell ya.