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“Not another City Center article. It’s too much.  It’s just too much.  It’s just a damn casino, not a cure for cancer.  Dear God, make it stop!”

I hear you, and I empathize.

Please take the gun out of your mouth and relax, though.

Remember Encore?

This too shall pass.

I’ve yet to mention guest rooms or mid-level dining — which is more or less my sustenance, so indulge me.

Early this morning I investigated a Deluxe (read: “standard”) room at Aria.

Before I go any further, I would like to point out that the procurement of this room was a complete clusterfornication for the room guest.  The gentleman who procured the room, let’s call him Sugardick Von Hugenpecker, was set to check in at the stroke of midnight this morning.

He called, then called again to make sure that the room would be available at midnight.  He was assured that it would be, yet when he arrived — he was turned away and told to come back at 8am.  Fortunately, he had a backup room at another property, but he would have otherwise been screwed.  This was not a favorable first impression.

He did, however, manage to check in at 6:30am.

Does this little anecdote have a moral?

Yes.  Service in Vegas is still not at acceptable levels.  At least not consistently.

I’ve already given my positive opinion of Vdara rooms, and the Aria rooms replicate this to a degree, although I still prefer Vdara.  The whole “color” thing in the Aria rooms remind me a bit of The Golden Nugget’s Rush Tower, but this may be because all of the new rooms are simply starting to blend together.

The Aria room that I visited today was quite simple, but was remarkable in two ways.  The bathtub and … in keeping with the City Center theme, the view.

I was on the 51st floor (actually the 41st since they take out floors 40-49 due to Asian superstition), and I was greeted with a view that was quite impressive.  Vdara looming in the foreground with the west side of the valley spreading out beyond was a really nice perspective.  I remain a view junkie and I can be persuaded to overlook a gigantic rat if the view from the window is compelling enough.

The bathtub is also notable because it has a tub/shower combo behind glass doors, and the toilet is also isolated behind frosted glass.

The windows at Aria were incredibly dirty (Vdara’s were clean), but to be fair, it just rained and is scheduled to rain again.  It would be a waste of manpower to clean them right now, but they did preclude me from getting photographs that I could turn into desktop wallpaper.

I like the rooms, and would have no issue with staying in one, but aside from the view I’m not sure that they are extraordinary.

I would probably be remiss if I did not note that the sink leaked heavily and a lightbulb was burned out, but I have zero doubt that things will be smooth within the span of a few weeks.  Opening nights are tough on any business.

After spending some time perusing the room, we hit the Aria Buffet.

While I don’t stress much about casino decor, I do enjoy a good buffet.  I pride (or am embarrassed of, take your pick) myself on the fact that I have eaten every “major” buffet in the city of Las Vegas that either exists or has existed in the last 11 years, and fulfilling this streak was a top priority.

From the moment the Aria Buffet opened until I dined within its walls, I could no longer make this claim.

The mere thought made me suicidal, and so I did what I had to do.

Eat there.

One of my favorite “Bullshit” episodes involved bringing canned tomatoes and tap water out to discriminating diners who raved and ravished over them before it was revealed that they were basically eating/drinking crap.  In my opinion, “good food” is more psychological than it is quantifiable.

Seriously, how good or bad can a chef be?

“Gordon Ramsey used chocolate for our souffle instead of dogshit like the last guy!”

Cooking involves a lot of garbage-in/garbage-out.  The worst chef can make good meat taste good, and the best chef can’t do much of anything with road kill.  If you are supposed to cook something for 8 minutes, get a freaking timer and cook it for 8 minutes.  It’s not rocket science.

I think people who go overboard with expensive food do so more for show and the social experience than they do for the food, which is perfectly cool and I’m not going to criticize (to each their own), but I could really not care less about the presentation.  I just want the food itself to be decent, I can retrieve it myself.

I am, was, and always will be a buffet freak.  I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again … I can eat at a restaurant in Shitstorm, Tx, but only Vegas has perfected the art of the buffet.  While you’re waiting for the waitress, I’ll be on my 4th course.  Also, people assume restaurant food is cleaner, but I’ve heard stories about what happens when it’s out of sight, so I’m not convinced.  I would never send restaurant food back, but I would go and get a replacement pork chop from the self-serve in a heartbeat.

Fortunately, the Aria Buffet is at the base of the guest elevators, and it only took about 60 seconds from room to cashier.  This was smart placement.

Once we got there, we were the first people in line … which is to say, there was no line whatsoever.  Not only was there no line, but there were few people eating inside.  This surprised me somewhat.  Often a new feedbag will be juiced for at least the first few weeks.

The breakfast/lunch buffet was $15.  We paid the price of admission, and followed our hostess who was an older woman with a very good sense of humor and a pleasant demeanor.  I made my standard joke about wanting a good table for myself and my homosexual lover, and it didn’t phase her.  Either that, or she didn’t understand me.

Soon after grabbing our food, one of the buffet managers came over and began speaking with us.  He solicited feedback and told us that he was the previous manager of the Bellagio buffet.  He seemed to take pride in his offering, and seemed pleased that we were happy.

A note about the buffet employees if I may:  These were some of the most pleasant buffet folks I have encountered in some time.  Our waiter/busboy was very attentive, and another employee fetched a paper napkin for me because I was stupid enough to walk into a buffet chewing gum.  I must have been thanked five or six times … for eating at a $15 buffet.  That’s better than you get at the Voodoo lounge spending four times as much.

Now, I’m not a complete idiot.  You, I, and your dog know that these smiles will not be present in February.  With the exception of the check-in clerks, we are still in the initial honeymoon, ass-kiss phase of Aria.  Everybody has a new job in a bad economy, and the employees are going to get a few paychecks under their belt before telling us to go fuck ourselves … and believe me when I tell you that they eventually will tell us this.

This is still Las Vegas and we are still Las Vegans.  A more hostile and discontent group of individuals you are unlikely to find on the planet.

Still, it was kind of nice to be treated well for a day.

Anyway, the food was very good.  I had a variety of pizza (including Canadian Bacon and Egg pizza), and one of the best breakfast burritos I think I have ever eaten.  They also had typical buffet food like ham, beef, and a fairly large assortment of Asian (oriental?) food … including two large bowls of kimchi, which is uncommon in traditional buffets.

The establishment clearly has its Asian clientele in mind, even though I could not imagine someone staying at the Mandarin Oriental snagging their own food with tongs.

Overall, I would say that this buffet is certainly in the top tier.  I think I would still give the nod to Wynn as my personal favorite, followed by Paris … but I have not yet had the shellfish dinner buffet at Aria.  I reserve the right to change my opinion when I go back and eat this, but it’s going to have to be the best crab I’ve ever eaten to truly top Wynn/Paris.

As we left, a waiter we had never seen came up and snaked the tip we had left.  This has happened before, but I just don’t know the protocol of action.  It’s awkward.  Do you accuse the guy of being a thief and tell him to put it back, or do you assume he’s going to give it to the rightful owner?

If you don’t know what to do, sometimes it’s better to do nothing … so I did.  Nothing, that is.

In any event, I will certainly eat here again.

Good food, good price, good employees — what more could you ask for?

Now if you will excuse me, I’m going to go camp out in front of the Fontainebleau.

They are scheduled to open in only 12 short years, and I’ll be damned if I wait a full eight hours before eating at their buffet.

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