ONLINE GAMBLING AND CASINO GUIDE

I met up with someone yesterday at the Mandalay Bay, and we both decided to check out the new “Minus 5 Ice Lounge” that opened last month.

Minus 5 is actually on the Mandalay Place overpass between the Luxor and Mandalay.   Since it is the first establishment up the escalator, it’s only about a one minute walk from the House of Blues, and maybe a 90 second walk from the Poker Room.

How was the joint?

It was pretty cool … literally.

The inside bar is -5 degrees Celsius … which is 23 degrees Fahrenheit.

While 23 degrees doesn’t sound terribly cold, coming off of 108 degree summer days just months ago, and sitting in the 80’s for most of the past month … it was a bit of a surprise to the system.  My trips to the East Coast don’t usually put me in these temps either, and I try to avoid air travel altogether during the holidays and during snowstorms, so this was the coldest environment I have been in for at least a few years.

The first minute was a little weird as I felt my nose and cheeks go slightly numb, but after that, it was not uncomfortable at all.

They keep the humidity very low, and after the initial one or two minutes of “What in the hell did I get myself into?” it is surprisingly comfortable.

The ice was incidental to me, though.  What I enjoyed most were the females running around inside the place.

One hostess took off her jacket, only to reveal two of the most perfect glands you are likely to find in this city … and judging by the size of her top … she wasn’t shy about letting the rest of us admire them.

In all seriousness, I would have gotten a raging boner in this place were it not so cold.

I was thinking about trying to talk my way into an igloo three-way, but quickly realized that my testicles were planted firmly just underneath my lungs.

You get a fur coat, but you don’t get fur pants, and if I dropped my pants on the spot, I would have looked something not unlike a “Ken” doll.

Cold nads notwithstanding, you will most likely find yourself trying to run one up the flagpole here and there.

I couldn’t take my own camera inside, because there is an issue with the rapid temperature change screwing with cameras and lenses, so they provide lockers in the lobby area for you to put your electronics in.

I imagine going from 80 to 23 degrees in 3 seconds would probably screw with cellphones and PDAs as well, so I made sure to purge myself of anything that I wouldn’t jump in a snowdrift with.

Before you are allowed inside, they suit you up.  You get a fur coat, a fur hat, a pair of plastic gloves (for sanitary reasons), and a pair of fur gloves.  Getting dressed up is half the fun, because you look utterly ridiculous with all this snow gear on standing next to the Mandalay Bay Casino, and frankly, I’ve never worn a fur coat before.

I kept waiting for some tree-hugger to run up, splash red paint on me, and scream “Fur is murder!” but luckily that didn’t happen.

I have no idea if it was real fur or not.  I didn’t ask.  I kind of didn’t want to know.  I order hamburgers at restaurants all the time, but have never had the urge to ask what the cow’s name was.

I am intentionally delusional with my culinary choices.

I like to pretend that all meat grow on trees on a magical meat farm … and doesn’t come from animals at all.

This is why I generally don’t eat steak on the bone, or chicken on the bone (seriously).  I usually only eat meat in filet or some other de-boned form because once I see a bone, I realize that someone shot my meal in the face and I can imagine the children of the animal that I am eating in some kind of cow-orphanage somewhere being sexually abused by the evil headmaster.

I get a mental picture of some old, fat, balding bull holding the orphaned calf by the ears and saying “Here’s your beef jerky, bitch!” and my conscience kicks in and I just don’t enjoy the meal.

Enough about my inner carnivorous demons …

I just pretended that I was wearing fake-fur and forgot about it.

Once inside, there is a bar, some seats, and a bench where you can sit down.  The bar and the bench are made of … ice.  The beverage containers are made of ice, the walls are made of ice, pretty much everything in the entire place is made of ice.

There is also a wedding chapel in the place.  I kid you not.

You can get dressed up like that idiot suburban kid from “Into The Wild” and exchange vows in sub-freezing temperatures.

It sounds silly at first … until you realize that, on any given day, there are numerous people all over the city exchanging nuptials in front of an Elvis impersonator.

Speaking of Elvis, they have sculptures in the bar, and Elvis was indeed one of them.

The girls that escort you into the bar even invite you to lick the walls.  “You can go ahead and lick them, there is no humidity in here, so your tongue won’t stick.” the girls said.

Hearing these women talk about licking anything got me slightly aroused, and I had a few thoughts on how to keep my tongue warm in this place … but I declined to actually lick the walls.

My companion, on the other hand, bravely decided to test the “non-stick” theory.  He did indeed, lick the wall.  After he licked it, he was quickly informed that he had licked the exact same spot that Carrot Top had licked only days before.

He seemed slightly troubled by this fact, but between the two of us, we came to the conclusion that germs could not possibly survive in such a climate.

Don’t get me wrong.  I am a fan of Carrot Top.  I don’t give a damn what the haters say, he’s one of my favorite performers in Vegas … I just wouldn’t want to french kiss the guy.  There are fans and there are FANS.  I’m the former.

Regrettably (well, not really), I cannot report on what the ice walls actually taste like.  If I had to guess, I would imagine they taste something like a cross between frozen water and Carrot Top.

I wish I could have taken some pictures of the interior, but like I said, I couldn’t risk killing a camera.  They are very strict about the warning.  I’m not sure if they have had damage claims or what, but they tell you upfront that it won’t work out well if you take your gadgets in there, so sneak your cellphone camera in at your own risk.

I’m sure there are also financial issues with proprietary photography, etc … but I wouldn’t take one in there anyway.

They do have a house photographer.  She’s got a heavy-duty camera rig, and is more than happy to take pictures of you in the ice palace, and the girls are more than happy to pose with you.

They store the photos electronically, and they will print them out for you, or you can retrieve them electronically via their website at a later date.

There is some kind of charge for the photos depending on what size you get, and how you elect to retrieve them … but business is business.  Rent at Mandalay Place isn’t cheap, and you only get to stay in the bar for a short period of time, so you have to pay to play.

It’s probably worth getting at least one or two photos for the novelty factor.

The staff is really friendly, talkative, a bit flirtatious, and they are happy to answer any questions about the place.

Having hot chicks prancing around the place certainly doesn’t hurt the vibe either.

Their attitude does makes it all the more fun.  Some bars just scowl at you and treat you like shit, but these guys really do treat this thing as more of an “experience”.

I can see people getting down with this place as a novelty.  If tourists are bar-hopping through the South Strip, stopping in for three drinks at Minus 5 (the maximum allowable per session) would be a memorable thing.  People from Alaska, Wisconsin or Maine may not be that impressed … but literally sitting on ice chairs in an igloo is something that few people get to do … even in the coldest of climates.

Even if you are from Alaska,  and live in an igloo, it’s unlikely that you will have scantily-clad women prancing around you while drinking Vodka out of a glass made completely of ice.

It’s not cheap, but it’s not prohibitively expensive either.  I believe the cover charge is $30, but supposedly the price may vary due to time, etc.

Overall, I enjoyed the “Experience”.

During the raging days of oppressive summers from June through September, the place will probably see quite a bit of business.  It is a nice change from the desert climate.

If I were a Las Vegas tourist, it is something that I would consider doing at least once.

• Keep updated through Newsletter or on Facebook

  E-mail:
  

  Subscribe
  Unsubscribe