A New York State of Mind
June 28, 2009
Today I realized that I have had a fortunate year so far. At least in one respect.
It’s been about seven months since one of my pet peeves has caused me to actually leave a table.
Perhaps it’s a function of the economy, or perhaps the routine is finally losing steam, but a peeve that has been dwindling in prevalence once again reared its ugly head today. I’ve held back on this particular issue for awhile, and I’m not one who is known to rant, but every now and then I just can’t help myself.
I decided to drop by the Sahara this morning to meet with someone before they flew out of town, and I decided to play a little bit of low-limit Blackjack to pass the time while his Mrs. was getting ready. I can go from being sound asleep to dressed and ready to go in the hotel hallway in about 45 seconds. This is because I have a “Y” chromosome. I don’t know what females do in the two hours between waking up and leaving the room, but something tells me I don’t want to know. It probably has something to do with a “not so fresh feeling”, and there are just some places that my curiosity simply does not tread. Feminine hygiene is one of them. Unless I am getting a lapdance.
Anyway, as I was walking along the rows of tables, a seat was vacated directly in front of me, and I decided to go ahead and fill it.
Sahara Casino
Sahara Casino
Sahara Casino
Sahara Casino
While I was waiting for my cash to be converted to chips, I heard the words that strike fear into the heart of any sober Las Vegas gambler.
“I’m from New Yaaaawk!”
There are reasons why I do not carry a firearm, and this is one of them.
Don’t get me wrong, I like people from New York. I love the City of New York. I know hundreds of people that live there. I lived there myself for many, many years. Some of the best people in the world are from the City of New York.
The fact cannot be ignored, however, that they can also be some of the most annoying tourists in all of Las Vegas.
While pretentious metrosexuals from California and white rapper-wannabes from anywhere are probably the most consistently annoying tourist demographic … there is a special place in Vegas hell reserved for the “I’m a New Yawker and way too proud of it!” crowd.
And please, even if you disagree with me, don’t act like you don’t know what I’m talking about.
New Player while sitting down: “Let’s play some caaaahds!”
Random Player: “Hey, you must be from New York!”
New Player: “How did you know?”
Random Player: “I can tell by the accent!”
New Player: “That’s right, I’m from New Yawk!”
Everybody else at the table: “Which part??!!”
With a decade of experience under my belt, I have come to realize that it is the millisecond after this question is asked, and roughly one second before it is answered that I get the impulse to jab a drink straw up my nose and into the temporal lobe of my brain. If I could effectuate the action in this narrow time frame, I just might be able to reach a state of bliss before “Queens!” is blurted out. Or Long Island, or whatever.
Once the player has pointlessly told everyone which part of the State he is from, the guy is now given carte’ blanche by other players to be the loudest, most annoying guy at the table. Not only that, but after every sentence, someone at the table feels obliged to guffaw and say “That’s a New Yorker for you!”.
The New Yawker can get away with practically anything. If a guy from Kansas mumbles “f***” under his breath after a bad flop, everyone at the table glares at him and the dealer tells him to watch his language. If the guy from New York says “F**k ‘Dat!” (I swear they force the accent half the time) after a bad beat, everyone at the table, including the dealer breaks into laughter.
Even though I lived in New York, I never admit to it at a gaming table. If people ask me where I’m from, I used to say “Las Vegas”, but now I say “DC”.
Why?
If I tell them that I used to live in NYC, I will have to talk about NYC for the next 2 hours. I will also be expected to entertain everyone with silly catchphrases that almost nobody in NY actually says in real life.
If I tell them I am from Las Vegas, nobody is going to call a single bet I make.
If I tell them I am from DC, I don’t have to talk about my hometown, because there are few other white people from DC.
Yes, I’ll occasionally get a “Me too, I live in McLean!” response, at which point I gently remind them that I said “DC” and not “Virginia”. Usually, the recipient of my reminder thinks that I am an ass for informing the rest of the table that they aren’t really from DC, and I’m more or less done with it. Fake DC residents from Maryland or Virginia is a whole different rant, so I’ll try to focus.
The thing is … there is nothing unique about being from New York. Actually, it is very un-unique. More people are from there than any other city. Being from North Dakota is much more rare. There is also nothing “hard” or “tough” about being from New York. Woody Allen is from New York. So is Jerry Seinfeld, Lindsay Lohan, Macaulay Culkin, Whoopi Goldberg, Cyndi Lauper, Art Garfunkel, Barry Manilow and 50 Cent. Are you scared of any of these people? Are they tougher than you are?
If you are from McLean, the answer is yes, but for the rest of you … probably not.
Being from New York does not mean that you are violent, armed, or impervious to harm. There are plenty of scrawny nerds from the city.
Unless you are looking for trouble, you honestly don’t encounter copious amounts of bad people in New Yawk. In most categories, Vegas is far more dangerous than NYC, and I honestly felt much safer walking down 138th street in The Bronx than I do walking through 8th & Fremont after dark.
There is no reason for New Yorkers to be louder or more boisterous than other people. Contrary to what Hollywood movies tell you, people don’t walk down the street shouting “Yo! F*** you!”. Most of the folks are quite polite and helpful, and they are not walking charactures. There are neighborhoods in the Bronx that would remind you of a small town.
Most New Yorkers are not in the Mob. 60% of New Yorkers were not even born in the USA. Most NY folks hold “regular” jobs, eat dinner, watch TV, and go to sleep just like they do in St. Louis, and like everyone else in the nation.
So why does everyone from New York make such a big deal about being from New York when they hit the poker table, blackjack table, or any other table? I’m not sure. My only theory is that they are playing up to expectations. Maybe these guys just feel pressured to do the routine to entertain the flyovers. They might feel like they have a stereotype to live up to.
99.99% of the people in NY do not say ‘Fuhgeddaboutit’, but a much higher percentage of New York poker players in Las Vegas do. Inevitably, some nimrod will plead “Don’t whack me!” when he beats the NY’er in a showdown after the river.
Having pointed out all of the above, I suppose my point is this:
The next time someone sits at the table, and tells you they are from New York, simply say “Pleased to meet you”, and proceed to play cards. Talk about the ass on the waitress, talk about the weather, talk about the price of rice in China, talk about anything other than New York.
If you fail to do so, you may go home with the image of someone lobotomizing themselve with a drinking straw forever seared into your brain.
As for the session, I actually did change tables. The guy was aping it up in a way that just didn’t seem to flow naturally, so I waited a few hands to not appear to be rude, then gathered my chips and headed to a three handed table.
Once there I proceeded to lose half of my stack in ten minutes. This time it was more than $20.
In retrospect, maybe the fake Tony Soprano wasn’t so bad after all.
Blackjack has been kicking my nads black and blue lately.
This week, I’m sticking to poker.
Written by jinx on June 29, 2009 at 8:00 am
Can we include those with Boston accents and giant love for their sports teams in the annoying column as well. After all they really just want to be New Yawker’s as well.
Written by "Fake" DC Resident on June 29, 2009 at 8:05 am
“Yes, I’ll occasionally get a “Me too, I live in McLean!” response, at which point I gently remind them that I said “DC” and not “Virginia”. Usually, the recipient of my reminder thinks that I am an ass for informing the rest of the table that they aren’t really from DC, and I’m more or less done with it. ”
That IS and asshole thing to say, and pretty pointless, too, unless you’re trying to play up your street cred. There are plenty of people who were born and raised in DC and later moved out to the burbs (like me), or were born in the burbs and moved to DC, or moved several times between the two. It’s one big metropolitan area, you shouldn’t get so hung up on geography. After all, the Redskins now play in fucking Maryland!
Written by keith on June 29, 2009 at 11:40 am
the “I’m from NY” thing doesn’t have the same oomph when asked what part, and the person replies Utica, or Watertown, or anything pretty much north of Westchester county. It’s basically a whole ‘nother beast up there.
Written by Ken on June 29, 2009 at 11:45 am
awwwww….poor baby is upset because NY gets more street cred than LV.
Written by Rex on June 29, 2009 at 11:58 am
I could not disagree with you more. And I have no idea what the Washington Foreskins have to do with it.
The football team is a corporate sports franchise, not a municipal entity. Do you really think sports teams are city officials?
I’m going to let you in on a little secret. Not only are they not “Washington”, but they’re not really “Redskins” either. I swear to god. The team has almost no Native American players.
It’s a completely made up name.
I know, right? And all this time you thought the for-profit sports teams were required by law to accurately depict the true makeup of their teams. Didn’t you always wonder how the Miami players did so well on dry land? I mean, being aquatic mammals and all.
This newsflash that the names of corporate sports teams are completely made up may come as a shock to you, but in time, I think you will come to appreciate the inside information.
The city and the suburbs each have their own unique benefits, drawbacks, and challenges. For the most part, the DC and suburban experience are not one and the same. They are very different.
If you were born and raised in DC, then you are no doubt acutely aware that DC and the suburbs have little to nothing in common. Even if they did, DC is a separate entity with its own issues, such as congressional inability to implement a commuter tax like most other major cities, and a lack of congressional voting representation.
Because of this, it is of curiosity when Virginians loudly proclaim “I’m from DC” when they clearly are not.
Virginia and Maryland doesn’t issue DC licenses or plates. There are (almost) no Virginia addresses that will receive mail with a “Washington, DC” address on the envelope. DC begins and ends at the DC city limits.
If you’re so goddamn proud of your home, then represent.
When asked where they are from, why don’t people say “I’m from Fairfax” or “I’m from McLean”.
What’s the F’ing problem with that? Why are they hesitant to do so?
It’s not DC residents trying to get cred, they are simply factually stating where they live.
Why do so many suburbanites move the map a few miles? Why wouldn’t they just say “Arlington”? One might ask what kind of “cred” someone who blatantly lies about where they live is trying to gain.
When someone crows “I’m from DC”, it’s annoying when I ask them “what neighborhood?” and they say “Rockville”. Rockville is not a neighborhood, it’s a goddamn pseudo-city in Maryland.
If someone lived in the Netherlands, only two miles from the German border, and claimed they lived in Germany … they would be lying.
If a German pointed that out though, would they be seeking “cred”, or would the person making the claim be an utter douche for not knowing where they lived?
If someone tells me they are from DC, and they are not, I’ll nicely explain to them that they are incorrect. Much like if they told me that two plus two equaled five. Regardless of what you want to believe, I am 100% correct, and the other people are 100% incorrect.
DC is DC. Virginia is Virginia. Maryland is Maryland.
You either live in one of the jurisdictions or you don’t.
Written by Gary Mack on June 29, 2009 at 12:02 pm
My first respones is usually another fricken douche from NY……
Written by Rex on June 29, 2009 at 12:48 pm
Why are so many suburban honkies pre-occupied with the concept of “street cred”?
What the hell does that even mean?
I really wish they would eliminate the “Rap” section in Tower Records at the Galleria.
Written by roger on June 29, 2009 at 12:54 pm
I think you hit a nerve with this demographic: “While pretentious metrosexuals from California and white rapper-wannabes from anywhere are probably the most consistently annoying tourist demographic”.
I think you hit a little too close to home. You even got one guy that actually believes that living in NY gives you “street cred”. He’s probably one of the people who gets excited when a NYer sits at his table, it’s probably the highlight of his trip.
Written by Rex on June 29, 2009 at 2:15 pm
I finally found out where the “street cred” references are coming from:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wGFu1dRQX78
My apologies to 50 Cent. It looks like we have some George fans in the hizzouse.
Straight Outta Falls Church, but I ain’t frontin’ cause DC is “one big metropolitan area”.
Beeeeeeeyatch.
Written by Steve o on June 29, 2009 at 8:49 pm
I understand … I say I’m from Chicago but really the suburbs, and it kinda bothered me because I was lying to myself and everybody else.
Now that I am actually moving into the city proper, I won’t worry about such trivial matters : )
Written by Roger (the other one) on June 29, 2009 at 10:42 pm
OG from the Arlington, yo. True dat.
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Sorry, couldn’t resist.
Written by Ken on June 30, 2009 at 4:13 am
Rex, calm down, I was just giving you a dig. You have to admit though, you tend to go over the top trying to prove how unworthy everybody else is for not living a few blocks off the strip. Almost to the point where you’re starving for attention and find the need to discredit everyone else (even those who live in Henderson). I just find it annoying.
That being said, I’m a huge fan of your blog, I enjoy reading it and find you to be an intelligent guy! I just wish you would tone down on the whole “I’m from Vegas and you’re not vibe” in you posts….and realize that living in Vegas is not a privilege but rather a choice.
Written by dane glindeuce on June 30, 2009 at 5:50 am
Same ooomph? WTF? Like any of us really give a shit that some spaghetti-slurping cretin is from New York. That place has NO meaning to most Americans. It’s a city in the U.S. whose residents, for the most part, live up to the stereotype of pushy, assinie, always-in-a-fuckin-hurry, me-first dicks.
The same could be said for many, many large cities (with some exceptions, of course).
Written by catherine on June 30, 2009 at 6:15 am
The primary reason I read Rex’s blogs is b/c he is over the top but not forced like some people. If he was bland and tame like every other blogger, it just wouldn’t be as interesting. What I dislike are the bloggers that try too hard (cussing when not necessary or not acting their age) and it’s obviously not natural for them. I’ve met Rex and he is this way in real life, he’s not forcing it at all, very genuine, smart, and a nice guy too.
Written by js on July 1, 2009 at 1:10 pm
One thing I admire about Rex is that he can take it as well as dish it out. I don’t always agree with him but I’m allowed to express it here and be heard. I have seen people go at him over the most minor thing, and he seems to approve every comment and give people their say no matter how unflattering it is or how mean they are to him. Most bloggers won’t do this. They will only approve the most flattering kissass comments and they won’t let any form of dissent see the light of day on their blogs. Rex let’s everyone have their say. I respect that because most people can’t stand up to the scrutiny, criticism, and attacks. They prefer to only have everyone tell them how great they are and how much you like them, and that is it.
Written by Pipeguy on July 2, 2009 at 7:35 am
Couldn’t agree more with what js said… Rex is brilliant… I’ve been following (no stalker) his writings for almost a year now and all i can say is that i haven’t ever read a blogger that is as intelligent and articulate as Rex… hell, even mainstream magazine/literature authors aren’t as eloquent/lucid as Rex.
i am of the opinion that he should take his skills to the next level and maybe write a book, get himself into a more massive media environment…many could really benefit from his brilliance… he’s not fully exploiting his potential, i think, and he’s missing out on a very interesting potential career.
Written by Pipeguy on July 2, 2009 at 8:23 am
A quick follow up on what i wrote above… i just finished reading the shock doctrine by Naomi Klein…it’s garbage…yet this bitch is a millionaire who sells millions and her crapbooks are translated to a few dozen languages…i’ve read some hints of Rex’s take on the economy, society, etc, and he’s light years ahead of this Klein hag…For fuckssakes Rex, write a fucking book or get syndicated in newspapers, etc…
Written by Sue on November 9, 2009 at 11:31 am
i agree with pipeguy. rex should write a book or for some big newspaper or magazine. he definitely has the knowledge and skill for it. go for it rex!