ONLINE GAMBLING AND CASINO GUIDE

Yesterday was another nice day on the “Fabulous” Las Vegas Strip.

I guess.  I mean, what red-blooded male uses words like “fabulous”?  As part of the re-design, I would have updated the sign to something slightly less fruity and Liberace-esque, but the LVCVA continues to kick themselves in the ass by not hiring me.

Has a better ring to it, no?

In any event, I started out the day by meeting some folks at the Venetian.  There was a slot tournament going on, and I got a bit of the action here:

In all honesty, I have no idea why they make people go through the indignity of mashing buttons to progress from one round to the next in these things.

If the casino wants to hand out money, one would think that it would be more efficient to simply draw their names out of a hat and announce the winner.  Whacking the hell out of a random number generator will give you the exact same statistical results.  My guess is that the casinos hope that these “tournaments” will get people in the mood to play real slots once they are done and build property loyalty, but it still seems to be a mildly insulting hoop to jump through.

“Want the money?  Want it?  Oooookay, but you have to smash this button like a meth-fueled spaz for 10 minutes!”

One day I will enter one so I can mash the button with my ass Jerry Lee Lewis-style, and ridicule the event while it is in progress.  I have many ideas to entertain myself.  This is one of them.  Mark my words, it will happen.

Afterward we went over to the Encore … yeah 4th time this week, I’m going dress shopping tomorrow to go ahead and consummate the gender change.   We hung out in the pool area and ordered the hard stuff.  I could see the disappointment in the cocktail waitresses face when we ordered a round of “Diet Coke, Diet Coke, Coke”.  What do you expect at noon.  It was 60 degrees, overcast, and drizzling, so there wasn’t much happening bikini-wise.  The waitress herself was pretty hot, but it’s hard to get your mack on with 20 ounces of Coca-Cola in hand.

Realizing that none of us would get a happy ending from our server (like we usually do), we returned to the big P where we hung out for half an hour as I got some photos from the 44th floor of the Palazzo.

Say what you will about the Wynn and Encore (which I admit are great), but the Palazzo still has my favorite rooms in the city.  They Wynn/Venetian debate will continue to wage for decades, it’s completely a matter of personal preference since the quality is about even in my opinion, but the Palazzo rooms simply have better feng-shui for me.

After standing at the window, pointing to Summerlin, and disparaging the people who live there for a while, it was time for me to make my way down to Planet Hollywood.

It was a nice walk, and the crowds were out in force in some places, and a bit thin in others, but overall things look good.  I was in the casinos Friday night and most of Saturday day, and depending on the property, it has varied from moderately populated, to completely packed.

When I got to PH, I felt like it was 2007 again.  Except for the décor.  The Miracle Mile had an optimistic amount of shoppers, and the casino had decent action going.

A note about Planet Hollywood.  Properties tend to Rodney King my ass and let me down soon after I lavish praise on them, so I say this with some hesitation:

The PH staff appears to be going out of their way to be friendly in the last month or so.  They have always been reasonable to me, but I have noticed almost an “M”-esque politeness there lately.  It could be a coincidence, but it is also possible that they are tackling this recession problem the right way.  By making people want to return.  For instance, this particular Big  6 dealer did not know who I was, but was happy to stand still and look at the camera when I politely requested her photograph:

Maybe they are starting to “get it”.

Fine, probably not, but stranger things have happened.

I was tired of handing my money over to the casino, so I decided to play some poker instread.

I’m glad I did, because on this day, I did something I very, very rarely do … got lucky.

Or did I?

If I tell you before relaying the story, it’s kind of pointless.

After about a half hour of mucking, I decided to make a play to get my blinds back.

There were a couple of whopping $10 bets in front of me, and I decided to take them.  I pushed in with my Kd-Qd … which is a very loose play for me.   One guy folded, the other called and flipped K-K.  Well, screw me.  The flop came K-rag-rag with only one diamond,  and I prepared myself for the death march.   I still had an outside chance, though.

Turn …  Diamond.

River … Spade!

Dammit! 

Actually the river was a Diamond, this was my weak attempt at being suspenseful and not giving away the outcome upfront.

I had prevailed with a far inferior pre and post-flop hand, and I was embarrassed.  I am always on the receiving end of these beats, yet I still feel bad when I do it to someone else.

Even though it’s fair and square, I always apologize like a wuss.  I prefer to beat people who overplay their hands.  I don’t like to be “that guy” … the one who constantly beats superior players by donking out.  But, sometimes you can’t help being “that guy”.

Of course, having won in this manner, I could not very well just take my double and leave, that would be rude.

So, out of politeness and contrition, I left the chips on the table in order to give him another shot.

Again, I just typed that to throw you off.

I took my double and left immediately.

Of course, I left.  I was playing cards to pay my Nevada Power bill.  If I suck out on you, an apology is going to have to suffice, because once I get your chips, there is no chance in hell that you are getting them back.  That’s just how I roll.  Superior players can always make their money back on someone else, but you only get one crack at my stash … as strangely erotic as that sounds.

On the way back up The Strip, I just sat back and enjoyed the view of throngs of people doing their thing.  There is a real mixed bag.  Middle America is representing much more than trust fund babies these days.  I see that as mostly a positive thing, although the shareholders would certainly disagree.

In any event, it appears that our fair town is attempting to stage a rally.  At times it appears to be working, but make no mistake, it’s still not 2005.

If by chance, you did not spot yourself in any of these photos, it’s not too late.   Even though the corporate conglomerate efforts to regain loyalty are still quite weak, we are once again a “bargain” destination.  It won’t cost you a lot to just come over, hang out, and see if the place is doing anything for you.

Remember, BEING HERE IS EVERYTHING.

Don’t fight the slogan.  Just lay back and accept it, because I’m going to make it happen.

Maybe.

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