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Since backyard barbeques aren’t quite as big in Las Vegas as they are in the rest of the country, I decided to pursue my own little celebration this holiday weekend.

While I make stops at the Stratosphere pool on a semi-frequent basis, Friday’s and Saturday’s are the only days that they offer poolside Blackjack.

That’s right, not only has the venerable Strat muscled in on the party pit concept, not only have they re-vamped their poker room into a solid contender, and not only are they playing host to a busy casino on a regular basis, but poolside gambling is now on the list for the property.

Throw in the presence of several thrill rides, a good impersonator show, a fairly long-running topless show, plenty of food and drinks … The Stratosphere is now a legitimate stand-alone complete Vegas destination.

Sure, the Strat was a punchline during the high-flying 2005’s, but I think it is safe to say that they are a punchline no longer.

Given that the weather was almost perfect today for Summer (about 100 degrees), and given that I wanted to hang out by the pool and do some gaming without having to give up much juice to the house, I decided to spend a little time playing Blackjack adjacent to the Strat pool.

At the moment, the Strat typically has only three tables operating, and they are under a small canopy on the south end of the pool.  The gaming area is not near the entrance, and it’s about a 30 second walk through sunbathers and chairs to get to the tables … but this is not a problem unless you really have an aversion to bikinis.

The one thing that the Strat has yet to develop is an “atmosphere” for the pit.  It’s pretty much just dealers and tables.  Also you have your back to the pool as you are playing, and the only thing you can see beyond the dealers is a concrete wall and a couple of TV’s.  Fortunately, the dealers are attractive enough so that you don’t spend much time looking at the wall … but still.  It’s just an observation.

I strode up to the tables shortly after 1pm, and I was a bit surprised to find them nearly deserted.  Of the three tables, two were vacant and there was only a single person playing at the table nearest the gate entrance.  That is one out of 15 spaces occupied, or just under 7% for you statisticians.  Obviously, these were less than optimal numbers for the house.

This also left me in a rather awkward position.  Two girls were looking at me with anticipation as though I was their only salvation from the sheer boredom of standing around doing nothing, which meant that I had to reject one of them.  I also don’t particularly like playing heads-up, because the game moves too fast and the house edge bites you five times faster than it does at a full table.

Not really wanting to do the eeny-meeny-miney-moe thing, I just took a seat at the closer empty table and the other girl looked at me like “thanks a lot a$$hole”.  I don’t really think I could have made a universally popular decision.

The first thing I said when I sat down was “Is this 6:5?”, and my dealer cheerfully replied with a smile “Nope, it’s 3:2!”.  I was aware of this, but it never hurts to double check because these things can and do change at any moment.  The dealer was very friendly, wished me luck, and seemed to enjoy chatting as she dealt.

The Strat is one of the few places that offers poolside 21 without giving you a short pay, and they also maintain a $5 limit for the duration of the day.

I started off on a streak, hitting a run of winners, pulling off a nice large-bet double on ten vs. dealer 5, and catching a couple of favorable splits.  I got out to a fast lead, averaging more than a 1:1 payout for each unique hand dealt, and before I knew it, I had made a decent profit in what amounted to a little under 5 minutes total.  I was uneasy, however.  The dealer was competent, and things were going my way, but the cards were simply coming too fast.

I’ve seen this movie before, and it doesn’t end well.  The credits are usually rolling as the camera cuts to a shot of tears streaming down my face as I sulk out of the casino screaming “Whyyy?  Whyyyyyyyy didn’t I quit while I was ahead?”

And so I did.  Much to the surprise of the dealer.

“That’s it for me”, I said

“That was fast”, said the dealer.  I swear she said this in a tone that implied that I was a premature ejaculator.

I wasn’t falling for the ego thing, though.  I rolled her a chip, thanked her for the session, and said “I’m finally going to leave a Vegas table a winner”.

Despite the tip, she seemed disappointed.  I think she knew deep down that she was doomed to another hour of standing around while men walked by and ogled her, but declined to play cards.  I felt bad, but not bad enough to stick around and lose my money.

I like the Strat, I like the Strat pool, and I like dealers in bikinis … but what can I tell you … I just do not like heads-up Blackjack.  It’s an easy-come, easy-go setup, and if I am lucky enough to get going early, I am barely smart enough to know when to quit.

The other reason I do not like heads up in this setting is because when I play poolside, the whole idea is to kick back, relax, and enjoy the scenery.  If I am playing four hands per minute, I don’t even have time to stare at the dealer’s cleavage and make inappropriate comments.  It feels like work.  Eight, nine, stand, seven, four, double, eight, eight, split, hit, stand … it defeats the purpose of chilling out by the water.

After I was finished playing, I soaked up a few rays, made some small talk at the waitress station, then headed back into the 70-ish degree climate of the casino.

Given the favorable odds, low limits, and girls who are easy on the eyes … I like the Strat poolside Blackjack.  It wouldn’t hurt if they added a “theme” to the pit, and were able to generate some more action, but once again, it’s a solid offering.

For those of you who have yet to try gaming at the Strat pool, it’s worth a shot.  The pool is open to the card-playing public on Friday and Saturday (just tell them you are going to gamble), and the staff is friendly and accommodating.

If you decide to go, please bring a few of your friends, because as much as I like the place, I’m simply not playing one-on-one against the dealer again.

All-in-all, it has been a good 4th of July so far.

Winning a few bucks today made me feel downright patriotic.

Let’s face it, there’s absolutely nothing more American than throwing money at young, hot women.  From what I understand, the Taliban hates the unchaste freedoms that we enjoy, and today I showed that I will not give into terrorism under any circumstances.  I put my thumb in the eye of every radical fundamentalist out there, and I did so without fear.

For the first time in a long time, I served my country with pride.

God Bless the U.S.A.

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