ONLINE GAMBLING AND CASINO GUIDE

At the beginning of every month I try to go down a list of casinos that I have not been to the previous month.

I’m kind of obsessive about letting too much time pass between visits to any single property.

When I was going down the list in my head, I realized it had been a solid two months since I did any real gambling at the Palms.  The primary reason?

Location.

It’s kind of hard to justify heading a mile and a half west on Flamingo Boulevard … when the intersection of Las Vegas and Flamingo is already ringed by such properties as The Bellagio, Caesars, Flamingo, Paris, etc.

However, after thinking it over … there is a good reason, and I was reminded today what that was.  $10 double deck 3:2 and many 100%+ payback Video Poker machines.

These days, it would be unlikely for you to find either $10 or 3:2 even on 6+ deck games at the aforementioned properties, so a trip to the Palms will certainly give you a little more bang for your gambling buck.

The Palms is probably the best “hybrid” casino in Las Vegas.  By “hybrid”, I mean that they cater to locals and tourists in almost equivalent amounts.  During the week, it’s primarily a locals casino. During the weekend, it’s primarily a tourist casino.  It’s possibly the only casino in the nation that straddles this line so flawlessly.

When I lived on the West Side,  The Palms frequently sent me very generous offers for even modest play.  I’ve eaten many a free meals at the Palms, and multiple points days were frequent.  It is one of the most generous casinos with regards to non-room comps.  I still get offers, but my monthly point totals are nothing to write home about.  I just spread my play among too many casinos these days to run up a meaningful balance at any single property.

The Palms does attract a frat-douchebag crowd at times, especially during the summer, but somehow Maloof manages to be the only guy in town who can attract tightwad locals and MTV wannabes under the same roof in peaceful coexistence.

The Palms is also home to one of my favorite places, not just in Las Vegas, but possibly on the planet.

That place is the Pearl Theater.  Quite simply, it is the most perfect music venue ever created.   At least for people my age.

When you are 21 years old, the best place on the planet for music was probably the 9:30 Club in Washington D.C. (the original one) or the Croc in Seattle.  When you are 40, and you still want your ears to ring… but without being kicked in the cranium as people are being passed overhead toward the stage … The Pearl is probably the best there is, with its perfect acoustics, a floor for those who still want to bang it out at the rail, and seats for people who have formally retired.

I’ve been to every venue in the city, and the Pearl has never disappointed.  From Smashing Pumpkins to Chris Cornell to the Black Crowes, etc … it’s been superb.  I’ve had tickets from the GA floor to last second nosebleeds, to the highest-end VIP booths next to the stage.  I know this saying is very cliché and almost always untrue … but at The Pearl … there really isn’t a bad seat in the house.  In my opinion, it is a notch above its unofficial competitors, The House of Blues and The Joint.

Of course, the “new” Joint is opening this month, so the Vegas music venue hierarchy could change, but it’s going to be hard to top the Pearl.

As a person who prides himself on having eaten every buffet in this town at least twice (some would say that is nothing to be proud of), The Palms Bistro Buffet is a solid offering.  It’s not even close to The Wynn … which is the undisputed best, nor is it close to the Imperial Palace … the undisputed worst. The Palms feedbag is about as average as they come, but when you’re hungry and just need something to eat, it’s more than good enough.

The Poker Room is primarily a low limit rock garden.  I used to try and play here, but it’s futile.  The only real reason to gamble at the Palms is their Blackjack and their Video Poker, so I availed myself of those two endeavors this afternoon.

For some reason, I felt that it was finally my day to hit a Royal Flush.  This feeling was only bolstered when in the course of an hour, I hit three four-to-a-royals.

As a matter of fact, I came as close to hitting a Royal as you can without actually hitting one.  I had Jh-Qh-Kh-Ah on the screen.  I held them, hit draw, and almost jumped out of my seat when the 9 of hearts was drawn.  Finally!!!!!!

Wait.

Nine????  Really????

Oh come on, now!

That’s just frigging cruel.

I collected on my whopping flush and cashed out because after that, you know it’s just not going to happen.  I couldn’t take that kind of disappointment again.

I took my balance over to the $10 BJ table where I proceeded to do okay.  I only played for 20 minutes, but I doubled a few 10 and 11 hands, split 8’s twice, and even though I lost about 50% of the total number of individual card deals, I won all of my splits and doubles, so I payed for the gas I had to spend for the trip.

Speaking of gas …

Traffic.  Man, it was brutal.  I think Nevada got its hands on some of the bailout money, and they are using it to employ every construction worker in the State of Nevada by paying them to dig up perfectly good roads and re-pave them.  Seriously, I have never seen so much completely unnecessary road work in my entire life as I have witnessed in the past month.  Valley View, I-15, Paradise, Las Vegas Boulevard, a myriad of streets Downtown, you name it.  You would be hard-pressed to go anywhere in this city without being funneled into a single lane.

Right now, any and all traffic within 2 miles of The Strip is snarled. It’s getting out of hand.  How could every single road in the core of the City go bad simultaneously?  Was there an earthquake that I somehow slept through?

Seriously, this is a massive taxpayer-funded nightmare, and if you are even thinking of driving in this town in the near future, do yourself a favor and don’t.  My love/hate relationship with the Monorail is starting to swing back toward the former, because it’s the only thing that’s moving right now.

Tourism also seems to be visibly picking up, which ironically, is not helping the traffic situation.  I sure hope it helps the gaming numbers and the room revenue, because it’s turning the roads into parking lots.

Anyway, as sweet as the odds at the Palms are, I’m going to stick with walkable/railable/bikable properties in the near future.  Since this includes pretty much everything from the Mandalay Bay to  Fremont Street for me, it’s not too much of a sacrifice, but people who enjoy the off-strip adventures to the Rio, Palms, and Hard Rock probably aren’t going to be too psyched with the current state of the city.

I’ll give up a lot of things for good odds, but a half hour journey to go from the Boulevard to a casino floor just isn’t one of them.

Anyway, if you are a Poker player, don’t waste your time.  If you are a big video game player, then The Palms is your place.  If you are a $10+ BJ player, you also can’t go wrong.  If you are a music fan, or like some nice female eye candy on summer weekends, it’s hard to make the case against the Palms.

It’s a fine property worthy of your consideration in just about every aspect.

If they were able to build some kind of short rail or Tram from the Palms to The Strip, the place would be on the short list for the best mid-level gambling hall in town.

Alas, the location remains the Palms’ Achilles’ Heel … and in my opinion, it’s the only real drawback to speak of.

Well, besides the filthy animals that wander the casino, swim in the pool, and eat at the buffet.

Not to mention, the pig.

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