ONLINE GAMBLING AND CASINO GUIDE

Slots-A-Fun is yet another one of our “punchline” casinos.

If you walk through the Bellagio, and see a group of people in trucker hats and cutoff shorts sitting at a table, snidely exclaiming “What, is Slots-A-Fun closed?” is a sure way to elicit a round of snickers from everyone within earshot.

Even in these tough economic times, it’s still cool to be a snob.  Some things never go out of style.

SAF has some things working against it.  A few that immediately come to mind are the lack of a poker room, the lack of a sports book, the lack of a buffet or non-chain dining option, and a location with little pedestrian traffic.

There are no shows, there is no hotel, and there is no pool.

What SAF does, however, it does arguably better than anyone else.  And what they do is run one of the best no-frills gaming parlors in Las Vegas.

Slots-A-Fun is the only place on the Las Vegas Strip where you can walk in with a single $20 bill in your pocket, and play Blackjack for an hour (assuming you don’t lose your first ten hands).

Simply speaking, it is a low-limit gambler’s paradise.

I entered the casino at about 12:30pm this afternoon, and to my great surprise the tables were absolutely juiced.  The main attraction, a $3 Craps table (which is practically on the sidewalk) was surrounded, and people were extremely vocal.  It was a fun, blue collar crowd, and even with my 99 cent shoes, I fit in pretty well.  I went on a nice little run for about 15 minutes, and then decided to see what was happening in the rest of the casino.

Slots-A-Fun is an interesting joint.  There is a Subway Sandwich Shop, a bar, and a gift shop almost on the casino floor itself.

One of the things that I find very endearing about this casino is the presence of coin operated machines.  While almost every casino on Las Vegas Boulevard has made the full conversion to TITO (Ticket-In Ticket-Out), Slots-A-Fun still kicks it old school with coin operated games.  Walking up to the cashier window was a trip down memory lane.  People with large cups brimming to the top with silver were handing them to people behind bars, who in turn dumped the coins into a giant hopper to be counted before handing Federal Reserve Notes to the gamblers.

This is one of the few places in town where you still hear “clank, clank, clank”, and look down to see real coins being spit out of machines instead of sound effects.

When I first came to Vegas, I used to love carrying the cups of quarters around.  It was part of what made Las Vegas ridiculously tacky.  If you, as I, pine for the days of filthy hands and filthier cups … then a trip to Slots-A-Fun is an absolute must.  It’s stuck in time, but that’s the beautiful thing about it.

While strolling through the casino, I came upon two completely full Blackjack tables with $2 limits.  Not since the Sahara’s $1 Blackjack in the former part of the century could you get anything close to this on The Strip.

There was a 30-something dude at one of the tables who was talking very loudly and directing other people how to play their cards.  “Oh, you gotta hit that!” I heard him say to the woman on his left as I approached the table.  Judging from his very confident and authoritative demeanor, I could tell that this was a guy who knew his 21.

I tapped him on the shoulder, bent over, and in a modest voice asked “Three two or six five?”  “What?”, he responded.

“Does Blackjack pay three to two or six to five at this table?” I asked again.

“It says right there on the table!”, he said loudly … almost as if mocking my ignorance.

“I don’t see it”, I said.

“Look boss, it says right there that it pays two to one!” he said as he raised his voice and pointed to the “Insurance Pays 2 to 1” line on the table.

Finally the dealer interjected, and said calmly “We pay three to two”.

Loud, confident, gambling expert guy seemed confused and a tiny bit embarrassed.  Apparently he thought he was getting paid 2-1on Blackjack, or simply had no idea what Blackjack was or … hell … I don’t know what he thought.  At least he called me “boss”.  Now I know how Bruce Springsteen feels.

In any event, 3:2 $2 Blackjack was right up my alley for a Tuesday afternoon, so I decided to play.

Of course,  this entailed a wait.  People tend to camp out at ultra-low-limit tables, and a spot does not open up very often.  So, I stood.  And stood.  I took the opportunity to reply to several emails, and even hit a couple of websites on the trusty Crackberry, then a seat finally opened up.

Over the next 45 minutes, I hit, stood, and split my way to a miniscule profit.  I spread my bets pretty low.  Really, what’s the point of playing $2 Blackjack if you intend to bet $15/hand?  I was hitting the minimum pretty often, if for no other reason than I could.

Even though this building is practically connected to Circus Circus, there was not a child in sight.  Since the entire place is a casino, and there is no hotel lobby to get to, there would be no legitimate reason for children to be in the place.  I am sure that I will be duly flogged for saying this, but the Circus Circus’ proximity to SAF may actually be a legitimate reason for staying there.

In my opinion, Slots is fun as hell (the good hell, not the eternal damnation by Satan hell).

I will concede that it is a bit dark and claustrophobic toward the rear, and some of  the slot banks are packed too closely together, and the carpet does not hold a candle to that of Encore (What heterosexual male cares about the carpet anyway?).  Aside from that, the casino is not terribly smoky, the staff is above average in the friendliness and knowledge department, and the games have great odds and low limits.

I do not understand why people crap on the place.

For what it is … a low-limit, high-value gaming parlor … I don’t know how they could reasonably do any better without raising the stakes.  When you go somewhere to play $2 Blackjack with full odds, what do you expect?  Steve Wynn to emerge from the employees lounge, lay you across the craps table, and give you a Swedish massage with full release?  That only happens on Thursdays.

My guess is that if the F’Blue and/or Echelon ever opens, Slots-A-Fun will either disappear, or the limits and odds will be jacked up.

Today, I realized just what a hidden gem this place is… if you are not too big of a snob to realize what a hidden gem it is.  I think I am going to add it to my repertoire a little more often.  Especially when I am low on cash, but high on impulse.

“Slots-A-Fun” is arguably the worst name ever to be slapped on the side of a casino, but it absolutely gets the “truth-in-advertising” award.

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