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This has been a very entertaining weekend so far.

There are tons of people here in town, and they all seem to be having a great time, and are in good spirits … considering.  If you were in Las Vegas today, you would have no idea that we were witnessing the economic demise of Western Civilization.

True to my word, I made my way over to the faux-Irish O’Sheas Casino today, where I not only proceeded to do some gaming, but I also participated in the most ridiculous game ever invented.

Beer Pong.

The basic premise of this game is to line up six to ten cups on each side of the table in a triangular manner similar to bowling pins or a shuffle board.  Then you take turns trying to throw a ping-pong ball into a cup of beer on the opposite side of the table.  If you succeed, a person on the opposing team who shot last has to drink the beer … at which point the cup is removed from the table.

In order to cut down on the filth factor, participants do wash their balls in a cup of water beside the beer cups.  Oh, and they also rinse the ping pong spheres off in a cup of water when they get dirty too.

However, I’m not convinced that this kills the germs.  When you wash different balls over and over again in the same cup of water, you don’t have clean balls, you have a San Fransisco bath house .  I just don’t think that it adequately cleans the projectiles.

While watching one particularly compelling contest, I was invited to participate in a game myself.  I’ve watched this game on prior occasions, but I’m not what you would call a Beer Pong aficionado.  Much like auto racing, I would rather be a spectator, and not directly involved in the sport myself.

However, when a group of tourists needs an additional player … being the primary ambassador to our fair city, I feel a civic duty to help our guests whenever possible.

I sized up my teammates, and watched in horror.  They were not skilled.  Given the level of hand-eye coordination, I’ve no idea how (or if) they manage to wipe their own ass.

The balls were all over the floor.  They were being stepped on.  They were landing in people’s crotches, bouncing off their ass, rolling onto the casino carpet … and it was dagnasty.  Being a germaphobe, I realized that there was no way in hell I was going to drink the beer, but I couldn’t really back out.

I did the only thing I could do … keep draining 3’s to make sure I didn’t have to drink.  There was only one problem.  I sucked too.  Something about ping pong balls, wind resistance, and the catapulting nature of plastic cup rims make the game harder than it looks.

I was on the hot seat a couple of times, but fortunately my nemesis could not sink a shot.  I did not have to drink, and we prevailed.  I hit two shots out of probably eight thousand attempts … which puts me solidly on par with Shaq’s free throw shooting ability.

This does mean that I am undefeated, and am currently the reigning Las Vegas Beer Pong champion.  I plan to hold this title forever, as I will not give anyone a shot at the title.

I’ll be honest with you.  I would have cheated had I been forced to drink.  I already had a plan to pretend to drink and switch out to an empty cup if the need arose.  After our victory, I politely declined another game, and went to hang out in Carnival Court to prevent being re-invited.  On this day, anyone in the beer court was fair game for an invitation, and I had already dodged a bullet.

Today, there were no real rules.  When I watched before, they had to bounce them in.  Some people tried to bounce the balls in today,  but some people just threw the balls directly at the cups and tried to get “nothing but net”.  It was chaos!  It was anarchy!

Anyway, I wish I could ascribe some kind of higher purpose and meaning to this game, but it simply involves throwing things into cups of beer.  People have been playing these games for decades, the most notable being quarters.

As a matter of fact, the best way to describe this game is playing quarters … with ping pong balls.

What I find fascinating is not just that grown adults do this, but that O’Sheas actually designs special tables for this particular “game”.

For whatever reason, it is gaining in popularity.  There now exists a “World Series of Beer Pong”.  It is scheduled to be held in the Flamingo Hotel later this year.

Don’t believe me?  Prove it to yourself.

I may not be a willing participant of Beer Pong, or even understand it, but I am becoming a fan of the game.

Why?

Because people seem to have fun and enjoy themselves while playing it. Life is tough, so anything that takes people’s mind off of it for a while is a good thing.  Beer Pong seems to fit this definition.

I’m actually getting ready to go back to O’Sheas this evening.  There are some gaming tables calling my name, and I need to see if this “luck of the Irish” thing has any merit.

I did, however, feel that I would be remiss if I let St. Patrick’s Day go by without providing the online community with some kind of pointless drinking-related content.

Good god man, I’m not scrooge.

So, without further ado, I offer you St. Patrick’s Day Beer Pong, straight from O’Sheas in Las Vegas mere hours ago.  Enjoy.

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