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The Golden Nugget is a property I mention with some hesitation.  I have very mixed feelings talking about it at all.

I remember back in the mid 90’s, I heard a demo tape of a song.  Flea and Dave Navarro played bass and guitar on the track.  There was this chick doing vocals that screamed like she was in ten kinds of pain.  I kept a copy of it, and was really psyched while waiting for the studio cut of the full album.  I wanted to get the whole release, and give it to some folks to listen to.

When it finally came out, I went to the largest record store in town and said “The Alanis Morrisette album was released today, I need a few copies of it.”

“Are you asking if we have cassettes?”, the clerk asked.

“No … Morrisette … it’s the name of the artist”, I said.

The guy told me he had never heard of “him”, went into the back room, rummaged around for 5 minutes, and emerged with what I think were the only five copies they had.

“Is this what you want?”, he said.

“Yeah, let me have all of them”, I said.

The album was “Jagged Little Pill” and the song I knew was “You Oughta Know”.  When it was produced on the album, it was very, very polished, but still heavy enough to be quite good.

A couple of months later,  I couldn’t listen to it anymore.  It was discovered by every teenage girl and 30 year old suburban guy across the country.  Soccermoms were into it and so was Top 40 radio.  Don’t ask me why, but it was a far better tune when nobody knew about it.

The Golden Nugget is my Alanis Morrisette of casinos.

It’s more than good enough to be mainstream, but I live in constant fear that it will become a victim of its own greatness.  It is actually not uncommon to hear me talk badly about this place, and Downtown in general.  It’s mostly a cover.

The truth is that this place can hold its own with any Strip casino, and the pool … well, let’s just say it can hold its own with the best Strip pools too.

I am not implying that the Golden Nugget is by any means obscure, but let’s face it, it’s not high up on most tourist’s to-do list.  Now that I have said it … surely I have jinxed myself and the Nugget will be the next “in” place for metrosexuals nationwide.

Just watch, and you’ll see.  It will happen.

What can I do?  The world’s an imperfect place.

Anyway, I spent the better part of today hanging out at both the Golden Nugget and the Gold Spike.  I’ll get into the Spike later, but I spent several hours in the Nug.

The first thing I did when I got to the casino was watch a line of people play the giant slot by the door.  One lady kept on spinning it, and it looked like she hit something once, but the thing was just tighter than a Tijuana virgin.    After I was confident that a jackpot was futile, I made a beeline for one of my favorite places in all of Downtown Las Vegas.  The Tank, which is The Golden Nugget’s pool.

The pool is kind of a “hidden treasure”.

It’s also a huge gift to locals.

You see, we can get into the pool whenever we want too.  So can you.  Since they have gaming tables poolside, Nevada Law mandates the area stay open to the general public.  This means that when it gets into the triple digits, you will often find yours truly relaxing poolside at the Nugget.

It’s big, clean, has a giant water slide and great drink service … it’s just hard to ask for a better pool experience.  It’s not quite on-par with Mandalay or Hard Rock, but it’s certainly in the top 10% of pools citywide.  The fact that it is on Fremont Street makes it all the more impressive.

If you have not been to The Nugget pool, you absolutely should.  It has a very cool shark aquarium, and a shaded swimming area.  It also has two tiers of balconies with cabanas, and on this particular day … I found a topless area on the west end of the third floor.  You can bet your ass I will be going back to the third floor much more often in the future.

I love the Nugget, and I think you will too.  All I ask is that you tell people that it is terrible when you go back home.  This place has the potential to be “hip” if too many Strip snobs discover it, and that would completely ruin the place for me.  Go … but tell everyone it was awful.  Please.

After I spent an hour or so at the pool, I decided to do some gaming.  I passed a bank of 5 cent slots, and the price was right.   I am not a huge slot player, so when I do play, I want to get some cheap action.

I also felt I owed the Nug for the fine topless entertainment that was provided to me.  Dropping twenty bones in a machine seemed like an appropriate way to show my appreciation.

These machines also had arms. When I play slots, I prefer to play arm machines because I hate to press buttons.  If I am going to play the machines, I want the whole tactile feel of the “one armed bandit”.  I have no desire to sit there and tap a button like a blue hair. I want to yank that handle down with authority.  It means that I get fewer spins per hour, but I am perfectly fine with that.

It’s also rare for me to play a slot for more than 10 minutes.  Since there is absolutely no skill or decision making involved, I get bored with them quickly … but I still like the thrill of the game for the first few minutes.  Of course, this means I either win or lose very quickly.  If I win, I don’t give it back, and if I lose, I don’t feed it back either.  I usually start with a $20, and quit when I double or go broke.

Today was one of the good days. I doubled up.  Actually, I slightly more than doubled up.  I turned $20 into $46.35 … in only eight spins.

Sure, I can hear it.  “You made $26 … so what?”

While the amount doesn’t sound impressive, you have to realize that I made twenty six dollars in about 60 seconds.

To put this into perspective, that is a wage of $1,560/hour, or over three million dollars yearly assuming an 8 hour workday.  That’s more than the President of the United States makes.

What does this mean?

It means that I just conclusively proved that one can become a millionaire by playing Golden Nugget nickel slots.

Seriously, casinos should hire me to do their PR.

After my whopping win, I played some $5 3:2 Jack, made another 120 bucks, and then hit the craps pit where I … lost $120.  Therefore, the ticket you see in my hand in the video represented my Golden Nugget profit for the day.

But hey, where else are they going to pay you $26 to lounge by the pool?

While I didn’t get filthy stinking rich, I had a very pleasant time at the Golden Nugget.

Honestly, the place was pretty crowded, and the Nug is not exactly a well guarded secret.  A lot of people really like the place.  However, if too many more people get turned on to it, especially non-discriminating 6:5 gamers … well, we’ve seen what can happen.

Anyway, real pool weather is just about upon us, and I will be here regularly for the next several months.  If you happen to drop by the Nug, stop by the pool and say “hi”.

I’ll be on the third tier balcony, in the far western corner.

On second thought, don’t bother me.

It’s awkward talking to people without both hands free.

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