That's What I Get for Waking Up in Vegas
November 29, 2009
“Shut up and put your money where your mouth is, that’s what you get for waking up in Vegas.”
The above lyrics do not make any sense.
None.
Think about it.
Are you supposed to spend your entire vacation sleeping? Are you supposed to come to Vegas, slip into a coma, and be moved to a hospital in another state to be revived?
Asleep at The Las Vegas Sign
There is no logical explanation for the lyrics, nor is there even a hypothetical explanation for them.
“That’s what you get for going to Las Vegas” makes sense. “That’s what you get for banging whores in Vegas” makes sense.
Since “waking up” is an involuntary, physiologic response to diminishing levels of melatonin and a conditioned response to circadian rhythm … how would one not be able to wake up unless one perished in their sleep?
Is Katy Perry telling her supposed companion that she wishes he had been shot in the head while sleeping off a hangover?
I will concede that the lyrics to most pop songs are overtly shallow, slang-filled, and intellectually lacking … but the hook of the song usually conveys some kind of emotion or plausible occurrence.
As one who craves understanding, I went so far as to Wikipedia this particular tune. While there, I found the following:
Perry explained “Waking Up in Vegas” to The Sun September 26, 2008:
“Vegas gives me that ‘what the fuck’ feeling. It’s really close to LA so one night you could be having a beer with your friends and, when you wake up, you’re in Vegas.”
Huh?
Ms. Perry gives me that ‘what the fuck’ feeling. Her explanation makes even less sense than the goddamn song itself. How can you be having a beer with friends one night in LA, and then wake up and be in Vegas?
Ms. Perry almost certainly has a Snickers bar lodged in her vag, because I’m pretty sure she’s fucking nuts.
Do these “friends” of hers routinely spike her drink with Roofilyn, stick her in the trunk, drive 250 miles east and then smack the hell out of her until she wakes up?
If they do, I would like to go on record as stating that I would pay to participate in this endeavor. Especially the smacking part. And she doesn’t necessarily have to be asleep. Or in Vegas. Or even out of the trunk.
“Gee Rex, it’s just a song, need you be so hostile?”
Just a song my ass. It’s become the freaking theme song of Las Vegas. It’s like our damn national anthem, and it’s got to stop.
For the last several months, I have heard this song everywhere. Casinos, hotels, bars, restaurants, YouTube … I’ve even been stuck in traffic and forced to listen to the song blaring out of car windows for 5 blocks. It’s like Chinese water torture without Chinese people or water.
Between this song and “Poker Face”, I’m this close to going Van Gogh on this town by standing in the boulevard median while carefully slicing off both of my ears before delivering them to a local prostitute.
Before going to this extreme, however, I decided to try something slightly less drastic.
As I was making my way along the sidewalk from Planet Hollywood to the Faming Oh, Oh Sheila … a car stuck in traffic nearly paced me as four chicks all bopped their heads while singing along to “Waking up in Vegas”.
At this point I realized what I had to do. If the town was going to torment me with over-saturated douchebag chiche’s … I was going to fight fire with fire. Since I couldn’t beat them, I was going to join them, and I was going to really put my heart into it.
For the rest of the night, I endeavored to communicate solely with a derivative of the phrase “that’s what you get for waking up in Vegas”, to see how much people really liked it.
When I reached the Flaming Oh, I grabbed a seat at a Blackjack table, bought in, and proceeded with my little experiment.
I lost my very first hand when I hit 13 and drew a ten, at which point I let out an audible sigh and softly said “I guess that’s what I get for waking up in Vegas”.
This elicited a subtle smile or two, and play continued.
On my next hand, I stood on 17 and watched the dealer bust, at which point I pumped my fist and excitedly said “That’s what I get for waking up in Vegas!”. This one got a little more of a reaction, bringing smiles all around from both the players and the dealer.
I won the next hand yet again, and I looked around at everyone and said “See, now this is what I get for waking up in Vegas”. At this point, people started looking slightly awkward and confused. I think they sensed that something was going on.
I decided to give it a rest for a little while, until one of my neighbors drew a natural a few hands later … and I said “Yes! That’s what YOU get for waking up in Vegas!”
At this point, a gentleman at the table inquired “Can’t you say anything else?” to which I replied, “Apparently someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed … IN VEGAS!”
He just shook his head and mumbled something under his breath. I couldn’t hear what he was saying, but I am almost positive that it was not complimentary.
I decided that I was on the verge of wearing out my welcome, so I cashed out soon thereafter, pushed a couple of chips to the dealer, pointed at her and said “Thanks for making me glad I woke up in Vegas”.
She just nervously smiled and I went on my way.
For the rest of the night, I liberally used the phrase in all facets of my human interaction. I played roughly an hour of poker, and much like at the Blackjack table, I conveyed both my positive and negative emotions with a sentence regarding being aroused from sleep in Clark County. At one point, I leveled the admonition against two players at the same time.
When an all-in hand played out, I pointed to the winner and said “That’s what you get for waking up in Vegas!”, then pointed to the loser and said “and that’s what YOU get for waking up in Vegas too!”
When I bought a pack of gum in the casino convenience store, I looked in my wallet and exclaimed, “Sorry, I have nothing smaller than a twenty dollar bill. Oh well, that’s what I get for waking up in Vegas!”
The reaction to my little revolt was always fairly consistent.
People seemed amused at first, then confused, then they just thought I was a mentally challenged douche.
Did I prove anything?
In my opinion, yes.
I proved that even shitty sayings are tolerable once or twice. Beyond that, they provide greatly diminishing returns, culminating in outright hostility when people feel that they are being beaten over the head with a phrase.
It’s a lesson that, $87 million later, the LVCVA has yet to learn.
VEGAS BABY!
I believe that this also proves that I am not a cranky dick. While unscientific, I think my study has proven that my disdain for “What Happens Here” and “Vegas Baby” is actually not out of the ordinary. To the contrary, it appears to be quite normal.
The look I got from people at the gaming tables is the same look I give others when they trot out the same water-and-vinegar cliche’s, and at this point I feel vindicated. It’s not that I’m intolerant, and it’s not that I am a misanthrope. The people who use and perpetuate these terms and sayings really do elicit contempt from otherwise rational people.
Now if you will excuse me, I’m off to visit Michael Jackson’s former physician who has an office right here in town.
Word has it that he might be able to help me solve this “waking up in Vegas” problem once and for all.
Written by keith on November 29, 2009 at 10:36 am
love her or hate her (or her song), Katy Perry has some nice tits.
Written by Dean on November 29, 2009 at 11:36 am
I’d love to wake up in Vegas tittyfucking Katy Perry
Written by Rex on November 29, 2009 at 11:40 am
I’d love to wake up in Vegas tittyfucking Katy Perry
Thank you for your candor.
Written by ColinFromLasVegas on November 29, 2009 at 11:56 am
After reading this, I automatically thought to myself…. “That’s what I get for waking up in Rexville….”
You just successfully helped wear out that new phrase from I guess some stupid song that I will never listen to.
But I STILL say that “Vegas baby” thing really irks the shit out of me still. I’m glad that one is fading away.
Well, until Randy Snow, oops, I mean, MISTER Randy Snow goes ahead and decides he needs $87 million buckolahs for a supposed new old new worn out slogan that he wants to try again to justify his dumb job. The way LVCVA is going, the only thing they’ll attract to Las Vegas is more fugitives from justice, mice and cockroaches. And all of those don’t need any encouragement from dumb ass slogans to come here.
Written by atdleft on November 29, 2009 at 1:56 pm
Haha. I’ll have to do that when I’m on The Strip on Saturday and see how many tourists I can annoy! Yeah, and I’m not really a Katy Perry fan… But I might still annoy you with all my “Gaga musak”. I can’t help it. Just listening to “Poker Face” on my iPod adds some extra gay to my day.
Written by Kid Dynamite on November 29, 2009 at 3:39 pm
quality post, Rex. I may adopt that tagline next time i’m in town.
“Get up and shake the glitter off your clothing. THAT’s what you get for waking up in vegas”
I do like the cadence of “that’s what you get for bangin’ whores in Vegas,” – good idea
Written by mike_ch on November 29, 2009 at 7:05 pm
You and me both hate this one, though I wouldn’t say it’s THAT big a deal. In six months it probably won’t be played that much though people will STILL keep playing Viva Las Vegas and that awful remixed one.
Her explanation works only in Rich People World, I’ve never heard anyone say Vegas is “so close to LA.” I’ve wanted to go to LA for a reason now and then and it’s not exactly convenient. You might as well say “Vegas is so close to New York.”
Written by Shaver on November 30, 2009 at 12:32 am
Add one more Rex, I’ll get sick if I hear “Wnner Winner Chicken Dinner” one more time
Written by Eric on November 30, 2009 at 11:46 am
Yeah, well, any number of tunes about anything would make you instantly puke if you heard them insessantly. Christmas music, for example. From somewhere mid-November to New Years each year we are subjected to “holiday” music. At least they call it holiday music, but I have yet to hear any songs for the Jewish population except Adam Sandler’s song, and I definately haven’t heard a single Kwanza song ever. Yet we hear deck the halls and silent night and all that over and over until we would like nothing more than to projectile vomit red and green all over, and then we still have a month and a half. But tourists, they think they’re clever, that they are the first to come up with this, or that they want to let the rest of the strip know that, no matter who you are, you couldn’t possibly understand how much more fun they have in this town than everyone else combined. It’s called attention whore syndrome, and sufferers tend to want you looking at them and paying attention to them more than anything, and are completely oblivious to the annoyance factor. However, despite my personal annoyance factor with all this I prefer to hold my tongue, at least so long as tourism is down and people are out of work. Once we get back to sustainable levels of employment and tourism, I’m gonna bring back the “we don’t need your ducheiness any longer, stfu.”
Written by yoyoseven on November 30, 2009 at 12:13 pm
Just put on the headphones, crank up the John Butler Trio’s “Grand National” album and everything will be fine again……
Written by Kierov on November 30, 2009 at 12:43 pm
Hey Rex, next time you go out for breakfast, you might try the catchphrase of this song and see how they react:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BButowBCh6I
Written by Ron from Mi on December 8, 2009 at 12:39 pm
I’d rather hear an old EBS tone continuously on my iPod that to listen to that nonsense-like hype.
Written by Phil on December 31, 2009 at 1:19 pm
Eric, without wanting to encourage the repetition of this song, surely you realise that the whole point of Vegas is people going there with the intention of having their wildest holiday. I used to live in Whistler, BC and you had the same sort of thing but were it not for the tourism, we wouldn’t have had sweet lifts, more groomed runs than you could shake a stick at, gainful employment and places to go drinking at night.
Best thing to do is be happy for them for their trip but happier that they are sving all year to go there while you’re just living that all year round.