ONLINE GAMBLING AND CASINO GUIDE

“Rex, why do you focus so much on scantily clad women?”

Believe it or not, I actually get this question from time to time.  My guess is that the queries either come from gay men or ugly women (not that there is anything remotely wrong with either).

The reason I say this is because no heterosexual male in their right cranium would ever ask such a question, and every attractive female on the planet is already well aware of the answer.

Sometimes a person will reply with “Well, what do they have to do with Vegas?” … to which I reply, “They have everything to do with Las Vegas.”

It is true that this town was built on gambling, but were it not for smoking hot females, this city would not be half of what it is now.  Gambling and fine women are the synergy that drives Vegas, and it is unlikely that one would exist in any appreciable form without the other.  Gambling and attractive women are Las Vegas, and anyone who tells you otherwise is in a cloud of self-delusion.  Perhaps alcohol should be thrown into the equation as well, but since you can get beer at any 7-11, I think the first two are by far the most important.

In our new politically correct world, more “enlightened” men than I like to run around with blinders on and pretend that Las Vegas is all about casino design and fine dining, but those things are mere incidentals.

I’ve never walked along with a buddy only to have him turn his head and say “Umm! Look at that fine casino carpeting!”

However, there are not enough stars in the universe to count how many times this happens when a female under thirty two years old with a waist under 32 inches walks by.

Unless you accept, scratch that, unless you pursue eye candy of the fairer sex as soon as you step off the plane, in my humble of opinion, you have just thrown away a perfectly good airplane ticket.

I’m not saying you have to hit it … I’ve stared at Picassos and have never hit one (although Steve Wynn has) … I’m just saying that not looking at a work of art is a crime.  Attractive women exist to be looked at.  Unattractive women exist to join the National Organization for Women.  This is what keeps the world in a state of equilibrium.

“What in the hell was that all about, Rex?”

I knew you were going to ask, so I’ll tell you.

Today, I hit the mother load in the most unlikely of places.  This place was so unlikely, that I even asked the pit boss what casino I was in just to double check.  I found the almost perfect Las Vegas gaming experience where the synergy of gambling and hot women came together to form the perfect storm (in my pants) … and that place was … wait for it … The Stratosphere.

I absolutely, positively kid you not.

A few short steps from the Strat Poker Room exists a small cluster of Blackjack tables known as “The Double Down Pit”, and it’s a beautiful thing.

Since I go to their Poker Room at least once a month, I don’t know how I missed it before (probably because I rarely have to wait for a game), but I had to wait today … so I decided to head over to the nearby tables to see what was happening.

As I approached, I immediately spotted pairs of mammaries, caught glimpses of buttmeat, and before you could say “hey buddy, aren’t your pants a couple sizes too tight?”, I had grabbed a seat at the table and was playing 21 with these fine specimens.  I took a seat so fast, that I did not ask what the pays were.

The cards were being dealt face down, so I surmised that I was playing single deck, and the table was a $5 limit.  I bet $5 on my first hand.  It was a push at 18.  I threw another chip on the pile, got A-K and watched as the dealer peeked under her hole (card) with a J showing.  When she set the cards back down, and turned to me, I flipped over my cards and she said “congratulations” … and then pushed $12 in my direction.

DOH!

Reality set in.

Even at the Strat, single deck Boobjack is 6:5.

I promptly did what any indignant gambler who has been railing against 6:5 for the last couple of years would do … I kept playing.

Why?

Don’t ask me why … egads, man … look at the pictures!

I’ve been known to spend a buck here and there on Playboy Magazines, and being short paid on a couple of $5-$10 Boobjacks isn’t much different.  In addition, I actually get to interact with the women in a more meaningful way than is possible when I am alone by myself behind a locked bathroom door.

Not only that, but I also feel an obligation to play in these pits.  I get asked a lot of questions about gambling in Vegas, and the only way to develop an informed opinion is to actually play.

And so I did, leaving the table a whopping $12 wealthier than when I sat down.  I more or less traded punches with the dealer cards until it was time for me to go back to the Poker Room, so I was certainly no worse for the six to five wear.  I probably would have tipped the extra naturals anyway.  Yeah, yeah, I am rationalizing … sue me.

The women at this pit are extremely friendly and chatty.  Their personalities rival that of the Gold Spike.  The vibe is very casual, and the constantly watchful pit boss is fairly nice as well.

I was scolded once during play.  The boss walked up to me and said “You’re a poker player aren’t you?”

“I wouldn’t go that far, but I try”, I said.

“Well, I have to tell every poker player this, but please don’t touch your cards with both hands”, he said.

I doubt he has to tell every poker player that (many of them use one hand), and he was just calling me an idiot without calling me an idiot, but at least he did so with a smile.  I do have a habit of cupping my cards in single deck to protect them from the player seated next to me … and I sometimes forget that this is pointless in Blackjack.

Anyway, I came away from the Double Down Pit impressed.  I’ve been to every “party pit” in Las Vegas (that I know of), and I have to tell you, the Strat has a very solid offering, if not a superior offering.

It’s tucked away in the far back area of the casino with little fanfare, but if you are on the North Strip, it is certainly worth checking out.  I think they have a shoe game as well, and that one might pay 3:2.  Believe me when I tell you that I will return to find out.

I’m still on a mission to take Stratosphere back, and this is yet another reason to do so.

• Keep updated through Newsletter or on Facebook

  E-mail:
  

  Subscribe
  Unsubscribe