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I had a few things to take care of near Cashman Field earlier this week, and while there, I saw the large Jerry’s Nugget oil well sign in the distance.

Jerry’s Nugget is officially in the city limits of North Las Vegas, but its location of only 1.5 miles north of Fremont Street is enough to consider it a pseudo-Downtown property.  Even though this is the case, I’ve only visited Jerry’s a handful of times in the last decade.

Today, I decided to add another visit to that meager total.

As I drove through the dusty nothingness that is the Las Vegas/North Las Vegas border and approached the entrance to Jerry’s, my passenger yelled “There it is!”.

Assuming he had lost his damn mind getting this excited about a locals casino, I turned toward him to level a well-placed insult when I saw him pointing out the window at the Palomino Club.

“That’s the only all-nude strip bar in Vegas!”, he exclaimed.

“Ahhhhhh … that Palomino Club”, I said.

Honestly, I had all but forgotten that the place was located across from Jerry’s.

“Have you been in there?”, he asked.

I searched my brain forward and backward, and realized that no … no I had not.  I was somewhat mortified by this revelation.  12 years visiting Vegas and 6 years living here, and I have not been to the world famous Palomino Club.  At least not that I can remember.

See kids, this is exactly what happens when you visit the Apple Store one too many times.  You walk in a man, and walk out a neutered she-male who “respects women, diversity, and a magical software ecosystem”.

Suffice to say that The World Famous Palomino is now on my calendar.  I plan on going there the day after I buy the new HTC EVO 4G phone and load it with apps from the Android Porn Store.  I’m completely serious.  In 2010, I am making it priority #1 to reclaim my testes.

Anyway, I parked my Lamborghini with titanium-plated spark plugs and power door locks in a space in the near-empty lot and we headed into the casino.

Once inside, I realized why I probably don’t go to Jerry’s too terribly often.  It’s a nice place, perfectly acceptable in every way, but “acceptable” is not a good enough reason to visit a casino which is located … for the most part … on Skid Row.  I mean this literally.

Jerry’s Nugget is located just three short blocks from Foremaster Lane, which is the center of the Las Vegas homeless community.  As a matter of fact, I made a bee-line for the restroom after walking through the main doors of the casino, but I had to wait outside as security escorted a homeless man out of the men’s room … sleeping bag and all (don’t worry, the guard was gentle).

Honestly, the immense number of homeless people wandering around Jerry’s does not bother me, but that being said, it doesn’t attract me either.  Entertainment is supposed to be an escape, but Jerry’s doesn’t let you forget about the harsh realities of life just outside of its doors.

After draining the monster, we wandered around Jerry’s, and did pretty much the only thing there was to do.  Gamble.

We played a little $5 blackjack, which was cool … but I decided to call it a day when we moved over to the video machines.

You see, Bonus Poker is my video game of choice, and both the nickel and quarter variants I found at Jerry’s had 6/5 paytables.  I understand that the limits I was looking for were quite low, but still … 6/5 Bonus at a locals joint seems a little off to me.

One thing I did like about Jerry’s gaming machines was the presence of coin-operated slots and video poker machines (which I still prefer to TITO), but this just wasn’t enough for me to get passed the uninspiring payouts.

We walked around a little more, checked out the sports book, and then took leave of J-Nug.

On our way back to the car, we passed a couple of security guards roaming the lot, and when I clicked the remote to unlock my door from about 40′ away, someone bolted from the passenger’s side of my car and began running in the opposite direction.

I can’t say with 100% certainty what he was doing, but based on oh, 41 years of life experience, I’m pretty sure that he had been peering through our windows to see if there was anything inside worth smashing-and-grabbing.  It appears that we had returned to the car just in time.  Since this is about par for the course in Central Vegas, I don’t want to imply that Jerry’s Nugget has a safety issue … but I would be irresponsible to pretend that the property is suitable for every visitor demographic.

Jerry’s is located in an economically depressed area of Las Vegas, and while you will be perfectly safe inside of the property, this is not an area in which you want to take a drunken stroll at any time of the day or night.

This is also one of the few places where I would absolutely recommend using the valet, as they keep the cars in front and the attendants keep an eye on them. The crotch port at Jerry’s is also surprisingly nice given the environs.

Jerry’s Nugget is not a bad joint.  It’s got a throwback kind of charm.  I’ve been told that they have a very generous rewards program (I do not have a card myself and cannot vouch for this), and it appears to have a strong appeal with some groups of locals.

If you miss coin hoppers and you don’t mind a quick detour through Las Vegas’s Skid Row, Jerry’s might be worth a shot.

That being said, I’m not sure that I will return anytime soon.  I just have too many alternatives nearer to my home.

Well, with the exception of the Palomino Club.

Stay tuned for that one.

P.S.  Yes, I know that there is a third “nugget”, The Silver Nugget, and I’ll get around to that one eventually.

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