Ghetto Gambling on a Monday Night
January 6th, 2009
I did some gambling last night.
To be specific, I did some “ghetto gambling”.
Everyone in Las Vegas has their own definition of ghetto gambling.
Some people consider playing anywhere other than the Bellagio, Venetian, or Wynn to be an endeavor of the lower class.
Some people consider playing anywhere off-strip to be the equivalent of shooting dice in a back alley in Watts.
Personally, I love the Stratosphere, but when I tell people that I play there, they tend to look at me with pity and hand me a half-priced buffet coupon.
Locals tend to be a little less snobbish about where people are “allowed” to game without being relegated to the “degenerate scum of the Earth” status.
We consider Boulder Station, Terrible’s, and Fitzgerald’s perfectly acceptable gaming venues, while most tourists generally turn up their noses at these places.
There exists, however, a line that almost everyone can agree upon.
That line begins at the Gold Spike, and extends east. Anything north of Charleston, and east of 4th Street would be considered ghetto by just about anyone’s definition of that word.
The Gold Spike in Downtown Las Vegas
Fremont East - Downtown Las Vegas
Fremont East - Downtown Las Vegas
Fremont East - Downtown Las Vegas
Fremont East - Downtown Las Vegas
Oscar Goodman and the City of Las Vegas attempted to legitimize the area by dubbing it “Fremont East”, and erecting some impressive light sculptures in the area, but it never really caught on.
Everyone has their favorite names for the area. I’ve heard it called The Bermuda Triangle, Fremont Beast, The Seventh Street Circle of Hell, etc, etc.
Despite the negative connotations, I decided to hit the ElCo last night for some penny video poker, and I also took a brief side trip to the infamous Western.
There is probably no more controversial hotel in Las Vegas than the El Cortez. Some people swear by the place, and they love it. They don’t love it like someone loves the Bellagio. If you have money, loving the Bellagio is easy. Everyone loves the Bellagio, and few people will fault you for spending time there.
This is not the case with the El Cortez.
The El Cortez in Downtown Las Vegas
The El Cortez in Downtown Las Vegas
The people who love the El Cortez love it in the way that a person loves a hideously ugly, three-legged dog. Sure, everyone else may point and laugh, but he licks your face and he excitedly hobbles to you when you call him. The three legged dog tries his best, but he’s still a step behind.
Such is the El Cortez, and its appeal.
On the other side, some people outright detest the property.
A common refrain is some derivative of this statement: “If you can only afford to staying and playing at the El Cortez, then you don’t have enough money for a vacation and you certainly don’t have enough money to gamble.”
Personally, I’m kind of neutral toward the place. I respect it. God knows they try and given their location, they have everything working against them. I can appreciate the cheap rooms, good odds, and low limits … but I am not a regular at the ElCo.
As an inner-city transplant, I’m not a huge fan of the area, and the location is what prevents me from gambling there more than a few times a year.
People have differing views as to the safety of Downtown, but in my opinion, it is definitely less safe than The Strip if you are not under the canopy.
Case in point …
Before dropping any dollars, I decided to take a quick walk to see what was going down at the Western. The Western is three blocks east of the ElCo, and is surrounded by several seedy motels.
The Western in Downtown Las Vegas
Downtown Las Vegas
Downtown Las Vegas
Between 7th and 8th streets, a woman with no hair, no teeth, and boobs down to her waist offered to “suck my dick for a McDonald’s”.
I am not kidding you.
While I won’t tell you whether or not I took her up on the offer (she didn’t say I couldn’t choose from the dollar menu) … it was kind of depressing.
For crying out loud, have some self respect. Personally, I wouldn’t blow anyone for less than a Wendy’s Combo Meal, with large fries and a drink.
We all have our price.
As I continued the short walk to the Western, one more person asked me for “spare change”, and one guy followed me for twenty seconds while angrily shouting something unintelligible. I couldn’t tell exactly what he was mad about or what he was saying, but I think it was something about how the Federal Reserve System and the fractional banking system was causing grievous harm to the International value of the U.S. Dollar by causing a supply imbalance through the issuance of fiat currency. Or something along those lines.
Anyway …
I spent about three minutes in the Western. There were more people hanging outside the place than inside, and there was nothing that made me want to sit down and enjoy the ambiance. Were I to hit a huge jackpot on one of the slots, there was no way in hell that a cab would pick me up from that area to take me to safety, and if I collected my money and tried to walk back to the Fremont canopy, I would have been immediately stabbed and robbed.
Given the two scenarios … what was the point?
Don’t get me wrong. The Western is a great place to score methamphetamine which has been manufactured with care under a freeway overpass, but as a gambling venue … I just don’t know why anyone would go there. Yeah, yeah, you’ll get an extra tick on the VP full house, but the medical bills will far outweigh that.
The Western in Downtown Las Vegas
The Western used to also have a hotel, but the hotel part of the property was closed in 2007. As a matter of fact, I just happened to be there on closing day.
After a few minutes in the Western, I walked back to the El Cortez, and pulled out my wallet for the first time.
I had brought $100 to bet, which is more than sufficient to gamble in the ghetto. Hell, five $20 bills makes me a whale in the Bermuda Triangle.
Upon entering the El Cortez, I immediately made a beeline for the one cent Video Poker.
One penny VP is so absurd, that it simply must be played. You can play anything from one penny, all the way up to 100 pennies (which is sometimes known as a dollar).
Of course, being the high-roller that I am, I played a hundred credits per hand. Why? Because it just sounds badass to say “I play one hundred credits per hand”.
You can see the payouts below for double bonus:
Double Bonus Penny Video Poker in the El Cortez Casino
It’s more or less 8/5 DB Poker, but the penny increments for playing, say 97 cents per hand, can really get interesting for the mathematically challenged. I imagine the casino can manipulate the payouts to get a little better vig.
I can’t imagine the ElCo clientele being math wizards.
“The Full House pays 768 cents for every 96 cents I wager! And given the mathematical difference of my balance before the full house, I was given only 765 credits! This is an outrage!”
Really, I don’t think they would notice before the next spin. If the house randomized a little skim, it wouldn’t surprise me.
Anyway, I pounded at this wealth-making machine for a solid hour, and did what I do best. Broke even.
After all was said and done I cashed out with something just north of $101.
Curiously, I was never asked if I wanted a drink. My guess is that the waitresses don’t bother with the guys at the penny machines. I mean, what are we going to tip them with?
“Here’s two pieces of copper, dollface … get something nice for yourself.”
It was okay, because I don’t work up much of a thirst in the extreme sport of video poker.
After cashing out, I made my way back to my car … running the gauntlet of people yelling alternately at themselves, and at me.
It didn’t matter what they said, though … because on this night, I was a winner.
Scoff at my one dollar if you must, but when you are ghetto gambling, every penny counts.
In the next couple of weeks, I am going to do a little more ghetto gambling. This time I am going to give the old Gold Spike a go. It’s been about 3 months since I have played The Spike, and I have a $10 bill that’s been burning a hole in my pocket.
As soon as my bullet-proof jacket comes back from the cleaners … I’m there.
3 Comments by Readers
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Written by buttnugget on January 7th, 2009 at 4:56 am
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Written by Rex on January 7th, 2009 at 9:14 am
That’s correct. For $1 in total play (one less than max play on a quarter machine), you get 80,000 pennies … or $800.
There was no specification as to which McDonald’s. The way she phrased it … “a McDonald’s” … could have meant that she wanted me to get her an entire franchise.
I thought it best not to get into intense negotiations over the matter.
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Written by BobFromCali on January 8th, 2009 at 5:21 am
Rex, what’s the table action like at these ghetto places? Like do they have $1 BJ, etc? I played at Ellis Island once and they had $3 BJ.
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Rex,
Am I reading the pay table correctly?? You only get $800 for a Royal? Not $1000? I guess that’s the price you pay for playing penny poker. Of course, like you, I’d have to hit one before I’d really get pissed off.
The El Co is interesting. It’s really been cleaned up and parts are actually pretty. The problem as you’ve described is that they still have the same number of transients. I guess for some that’s part of the charm. But, you know what they say, “You can take the whore out of the gutter, but you can’t take the gutter out of the whore.” I guess now you can take her to McDonalds. Did she specify that you had to take her to the world’s biggest McDonalds??