Rex

Happy Endings In Las Vegas

February 23, 2009

Over the years, I have gotten a large number of questions via email from people who do not want to pose their query in a more public forum.

One of the more common of these private questions pertains to … Las Vegas Massage Parlors.

Las Vegas Massage Parlor

Las Vegas Massage Parlor

Las Vegas Massage Parlors

Las Vegas Massage Parlors

For the most part, people don’t want to touch this topic in public. (no pun intended)

I don’t think I have ever seen an honest, unbiased article about Vegas Message Parlors.  The reason I think this is … is because no “legitimate” journalist will admit to having actually been a customer of one of these places.   Most journalists have to be very politically correct and have to tread very lightly lest the public get them confused with actual human beings.

In order to accurately report on a subject, you need first-hand experience, and that is why few mainstream articles have been penned on this topic.

Personally, I do not have any problem admitting that I avail myself of local massage parlors from time to time.  This being the case,  I do feel qualified to write about them and provide some insight into one of the most taboo topics in Las Vegas.

Massage Parlors seem to be mythical places for the average tourist, and are the subject of much speculation and joking.  That’s all well and good. I make jokes about them too.

Nonetheless, many people simply aren’t aware of exactly what goes on in the majority of these places.  You see the exterior of the buildings, and they have names such as “Princess Massage”, “Asian Angels”, and the names just seem provocative.  The advertising for these places is also somewhat erotic, but this is because the competition for just about every service in Las Vegas is very high.

Las Vegas Massage Parlor

Las Vegas Massage Parlor

Las Vegas Massage Parlors

Las Vegas Massage Parlors

Las Vegas Massage Parlors

Las Vegas Massage Parlors

Las Vegas Massage Parlors

Las Vegas Massage Parlors

Las Vegas Massage Parlors

Las Vegas Massage Parlors

First, not everyone who goes to a massage parlor is a pervert or deviant.  Some are, but some people who go to bars are perverts, and some people who drive automobiles are deviants as well.

Some people who go to these places actually go to them for gasp … a massage.

I fall into this category.

Massages are very relaxing, and are helpful for a variety of conditions.  I will not bother to list all of the conditions they treat, but most people feel better after a good massage.

I have very high arches on my feet, and they often cramp in a painful manner.  I get leg cramps after taking a 20 mile bike ride.   As an aging, larger guy with a variety of activity-related injuries, I feel fortunate to live in Las Vegas where such a large number of massage parlors exist.  As a matter of fact, I am within walking distance to about a dozen of them.

Rarely is my problem not taken care of.  If I ask my masseuse to work on my feet, she works on my feet.  If my calves are sore, she works those.  If I have pulled my shoulder, they work on my shoulders.  Hell, one time I went in with severe hand cramps.  The muscle between my thumb and forefinger once seized up from typing on a laptop, and the local massage parlor with a provocative name had me typing again within an hour.

The overwhelming majority of massage ladies come from countries where alternative medicine is not only accepted, it is preferred … and it is passed down from generation to generation. They know where pressure points are, and they have an uncanny knowledge of musculoskeletal anatomy.  This is why I like Asian Massage Parlors.  Massage is part of the Asian culture.

Las Vegas Massage Parlor

Las Vegas Massage Parlor

Las Vegas Massage Parlor

Las Vegas Massage Parlor

Las Vegas Massage Parlor

Las Vegas Massage Parlor

Las Vegas Massage Parlor

Las Vegas Massage Parlor

Las Vegas Massage Parlor

Las Vegas Massage Parlor

Las Vegas Massage Parlor

Las Vegas Massage Parlor

Las Vegas Massage Parlor

Las Vegas Massage Parlor

I’m sure properly-trained American masseuses are just as good, but in my experience, they tend to be more expensive, more defensive (you don’t need shoulders, you need neck!), and they just aren’t as convenient.  I don’t like making appointments for my massages, I like getting them when I want to.

Enter the Asian Massage Parlor.  The drive-thru restaurant of the massage industry.  Quick and convenient, no appointments needed.

It should be mentioned that the majority of massage parlors are not brothels.

It is actually a shame that they are so misunderstood, because I have had better massages at parlors,  for half the price (or less) than a high-end casino spa.

The primary purpose of each place is no different.  To ease pain, soothe the muscles of the client, and to induce a state of relaxation.

If you have ever been to a casino spa, you should have no moral objection to going to a stand-alone massage parlor.  They are (usually) well run, clean, and friendly.  Yes, sometimes they are in rough parts of town, but the reason for that is economic.  The rent is lower, and these areas are more likely to be zoned for small commercial businesses.

Also, most of the masseuses are not prostitutes.

Why do the parlors hire somewhat attractive women?

Again … competition.

I’d rather my waitress be an attractive 22 year old woman in a skirt, than a 50 year old woman in a pantsuit.  Same goes for my librarian, cashier, hair dresser, and the lady who works at the DMV.  For a normal man, an attractive female makes any experience more enjoyable. That’s biology, folks.  I didn’t make it so.  If you disagree, blame god and not me.

Las Vegas Massage Parlor

Las Vegas Massage Parlor

Las Vegas Massage Parlor

Las Vegas Massage Parlor

Just like your waitress, the fact that your masseuse is an attractive young female does not mean that you are doing anything wrong.  It’s just good marketing.

“Oh come on, Rex.  Enough of this “legitimate” nonsense.  Don’t pretend like they won’t touch your wee-wee in there!”

I would infer nothing of the sort.

Often, when the massage is coming to an end, you will be asked if you “need anything else”.  This is code.  If you say “yes”, you will get your weenie waxed.  If you say “no”, you will be thanked and be given privacy to change back into your clothes.  It’s really just that simple.

Unlike most people, I do not agree that “something else” is an illegitimate form of massage.

In Asia, part of the full relaxation experience is the “happy ending”. This is not seen as dirty or horrible. It is seen as a relaxing, pleasant, and healthy process for the human male.  It is widely recognized that frequently frosting the cake is very important to men’s health.  Whether you do it yourself, or it’s part of a massage regimen, is really of no discernible consequence.

Just as you don’t take your urologist out to dinner and a movie after a prostate exam, neither do you take the masseuse.  It’s viewed as maintaining part of overall health.  Certain cultures simply don’t see it as a big deal to satisfy this particular physiologic necessity.

However, like myself, you can still decline it, and get a damn good massage.

Most of the masseuses I have had are very skilled at the art of massage.  I’ve had professional sports massages, massages in expensive hotel spas, and massages in “massage parlors”.   I actually prefer the non-pretentious parlors.

Of course, there are some “bad eggs” and the media jumps on those places to show how shameful they are.  They have been accused of a number of violations from prostitution to forcing women to work in the establishments.  Then again, Walmart has been accused of locking their immigrant workers in the store so they have to clean it before getting out.  Exceptions are exactly that … exceptions.

Now, are there places that will do more than a “happy ending”?

Certainly.  But the same can happen at a strip club or a casino bar. You can negotiate what you want with anyone for a certain amount of money, but such things really aren’t the primary purpose of massage parlors.

In my opinion, people need to get over the concept of “legitimate” and “illegitimate” massage.  Any massage that relieves stress, and makes the client feel better when they leave is completely legitimate.  If it does not harm the customer or the masseuse, the customer feels refreshed, and the masseuse is compensated … then it doesn’t get any more legitimate than that.

A typical half hour is $40, and Mr. Winkie incurs a bit of an extra “gratuity”, I don’t exactly know how much the “sacred spot” (prostate) massage goes for, but I’ve heard it’s a C note.  If you ask me, that’s a bargain for having someone stick their finger up your ass.

Now if you will all excuse me, I feel my left arch starting to cramp again, and I know just the Oriental Princess to cure it.

Las Vegas Massage Parlors

Las Vegas Massage Parlors

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7 Comments

  1. Written by tully on February 24, 2009 at 12:27 am

    $40 per half hour is about the same rate charged by licensed therapists workings in salons, chiropractors’ offices, and day spas locally. $45 for a half hour, $80 for an hour is typical. No idea what the massage parlors charge. There are actually only a couple here.

    But with prices like that locally, the fees at casino spas in LV have always struck me as exorbitant. Guessing they are in line with spas in California and larger cities throughout the country, because most visitors don’t seem to raise an eyebrow.at the prices.

    Interesting read. A foot massage for $29 certainly looks like a good buy for tired sore tourist feet.

  2. Written by RG on February 24, 2009 at 12:33 am

    My office was at 2123 Paradise for many years and it actually shared space with 40/40 (40 massage 40 for a, ah you know). Then all these places you photographed started taking over the street. The cab business was pretty brisk during early hours when I would first come in in to work especially on Fridays. Our maintance guy would get free services for doing odd jobs around the parlor such as repairing the table shower or installing plumbing fixtures. He once told us about getting his tookus licked during a table shower for repairing a toilet. Now that should be a Vegas ad…

  3. Written by wondering on February 24, 2009 at 1:36 am

    which one is $40 for 1/2hr

  4. Written by Twoleaf on February 24, 2009 at 2:40 am

    “He once told us about getting his tookus licked during a table shower for repairing a toilet” that may be the funniest sentence I’ve ever read. I can’t stop laughing

  5. Written by Disco Stu on February 24, 2009 at 6:26 pm

    You did specifically use the word “unbiased” at the beginning of your post. This link is not unbiased at all, but it does give the generic, whitebread view of what is typically encountered in such a place.

    http://www.lasvegasmercury.com/2004/MERC-Apr-01-Thu-2004/23520495.html

    You cited the reasons for such therapeutic services perfectly. It is not so much a “want” as it is a “need” physiologically. That is a primary reason these establishments are tolerated, for the most part anyway.

  6. Written by Dr P on May 6, 2009 at 9:58 am

    Here is your 2009 update.
    50 dollars for a half hour is standard. Yet none of the girls watch the clock.
    Happy endings range between 30 and 100 depending on the service.
    Better to keep the customers happy ,so they come back to that location, since Vegas has so many places to choose from. Careful, some girls try to impose a 60 dollar happy ending and almost demanding it. Be brave and tell them no and re-negotiate. Nevar more than 40 or it drives up the price. Tourist typically don’t know and pay high dollars to impress the girls and its not needed.
    Note:All BDSM and play dungeons are underground. There is only one true Swingers club in Vegas, all others are tourist traps.

    Specail note:Las Vegas Valley and the local city’s have turned into a police abusive place to visit or live.. Many people have been shot by cops, including mothers, pregnant women and children and they have gotten away with it. The courts support what ever the cops say. Nevada prisons are overfilled and they are building more. Nevada is a Police State. Travels be-ware.

  7. Written by Anonymous on August 16, 2009 at 4:03 pm

    Unrelated to massages, but I wanted to add to Dr P’s comment: I worked for LVMPD for almost 30 years and saw countless cops kill, beat, torture citizens and get away with it. If you get in trouble with the police, shut up and don’t move until you get access to a lawyer–these men are seriously dangerous maniacs.

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