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I attended the Grand Opening of the M last night, but I almost didn’t.

Fireworks were set to go off at 9:45pm, and I pulled up to the parking lot at about 8:45pm.  This seemed logical.  You don’t want to be too early and sit around, nor do you want to procrastinate.  I also wanted to get a parking space.

When I got to the lot, there was a cop working traffic detail.  The conversation went something like this:

Cop: “You can’t park in the lot.”

Me: “We can’t park in the lot?”

Cop: “Not until 10pm.”

Me: “The fireworks start at 9:45”

Cop: “I know.”

Me: “That doesn’t make any sense”

Cop: “No, it doesn’t.”

Me: “What should we do?”

Cop: “Just drive around.  Drive in circles”.

Okay, maybe this cop was just being ridiculous, so we drove down St. Rose Parkway, turned around, and tried again at a different entrance and got a second cop.

Cop: “You can’t park here until 10pm.”

Me: “It opens at 10pm and the fireworks start at 9:45, I don’t understand.”

Cop: “Neither do I.  There is a VIP event inside.  Nobody can park here until the VIP event is over.  This was poorly planned.”

Me: “What should we do?”

Cop: “Just drive around until 10.”

I later found out that some people had been driving in circles for 2 hours, others called it quits and went home, and hundreds of other people parked in the road medians and in the dirt.

Now, I have been hearing for a long time about the “genius” of the Marnell people, but I feel that the supposed intellect may be slightly overstated.

Myself, and thousands of other paying customers were turned away from parking an hour before opening because “VIP’s were inside”.

I don’t know if these Marnell guys have heard, but there is a recession going on.  The “VIP’s” left town this morning.  If they think the “VIP’s” are going to keep the property afloat, these guys aren’t terribly bright.

On the bright side, I did finally get to see the Grand Opening Fireworks.  From a stoplight on St. Rose Parkway.

Nothing says “Go to hell, peasants!” like having your clientele watch the fireworks from the middle of the road.  Needless to say, I hated  the place before ever setting foot in it.  I just don’t agree with that kind of attitude displayed toward the local clientele that is going to be here long after the fawning press leaves.

I eventually parked sometime after 10pm, which was not too hard.  There was plenty of parking in the primary lots because most of the other people who wanted to see the grand opening parked in the f’ing dirt! Service-oriented my ass.

When I finally got inside, I saw what I expected to see.  Aliante Station meets Red Rock Station meets Rio.  Very large, very nice, very clean.  Which makes sense.  The place was only a few minutes old.

I was looking at the Blackjack tables and could only see the phrase “Dealer hits soft 17” on the felt.  Since this casino is aimed at locals, I was pretty sure that it went without saying that Blackjack paid 3:2.  I strode up to a $25 table with one vacant seat and reached for my wallet, but before I bought in, I wanted to confirm.

“This is three two, right?” I asked.

“Blackjack pays six to five, sir.” he responded.

I looked down at the players already seated and gave them a quizzical look.  They looked back at me, and it was very clear that they had no idea what I was talking about with regards to the “three two” mumbo jumbo.  They looked perfectly content with the response from the dealer.

Must be VIP’s.

I repeated this endeavor a couple of more times and gave up.  I’ll give myself a prostate exam with a pair of needle nose pliers before playing $25 6/5 Blackjack.  To be honest, I don’t even think I want to play in a place that offers $25 6/5 Blackjack.  So I didn’t.  Before I headed to the M, I fully intended to play some games.  When all was said and done, I was solidly not in the mood to part with anything.

I don’t care how nice the casino is, I am a local gambler.  I’ll take $5 3:2 at the Sahara over $25 6:5 at the M any day of the week.  It’s twice as fun, half as pretentious, and 800 times closer.

Honestly, I don’t get what they are going for here.  The location of the place is not convenient for the majority of the Valley.  It’s ten miles south of Mandalay Bay.  The pool is nice and so is the interior … but so is the Mandalay Freaking Bay.

The room rates are great, until you realize they tack a $25 “Resort Fee” (I’ll be doing an article about those soon) onto every room.

I really don’t know if the Marnell people “get” it.  It’s 2009, not 2005.  People don’t want to be shat upon, shorted on odds, or get nickeled and dimed anymore.  We already have that.

Now, to be completely fair, the place is nice.  The pool is positioned so that it has an incredible view of The Strip, the rooms themselves will have a great view of The Strip, they have a Poker Room, a Sports Book, a bar that overlooks the pool, several restaurants, a generous amount of games of all varieties, and … hell, I can’t do it.

It’s a goddamn casino!

I can’t go on about the interior.  I don’t have a penchant for interior design.  I have testicles.  If someone cuts my nuts off then maybe I can drone on about how well appointed the interior is, but look at the video and judge for yourself.  Trying to describe it makes me feel like a Princess.

Speaking of gonads, I do see one compelling reason to go to the M.  The cocktail waitresses are bone-stiffening hot.  Here again, though, I was slightly disappointed.  I thought they were going to be in Rio-type thong costumes.  Instead, they are wearing cleavage dresses.

Instead of T&A, I got T.

It’s better than nothing I suppose, but if I am going to drive 15 miles to park in dirt, pay $25 resort fees,  and play 6:5 Blackjack … I need something to look at besides nice lighting fixtures.

They do have some interesting “locals” things such as an on-site pharmacy and gas station, but, well … so does every strip mall in town.  I think it is interesting that they will comp things such as gasoline, so maybe that will be enough to pull customers en-masse to the location.

I’m sure I will go back to this place at some point in the future, but I am in no hurry.  On the way back home, it was actually very comforting to drive back into the bright lights of the city.  The isolation of the M is a little remote for my tastes.  It reminds me of Primm Jr.  Since I live within walking distance to a dozen casinos, and a 10 minute drive from several dozen more, it’s probably not going to be a frequent destination for me.

It’s a nice place, but there is nothing there that I can’t find in a closer proximity.

I hope the “VIP’s” are very frequent visitors, because I doubt I’ll be.

I know it was the Grand Opening, and missteps are bound to happen, but sometimes, first impressions are important.

I was willing to look past the initial delima, but the table odds and the resort fees made me realize that it’s just the same old, same old … only ten miles further.

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