I’d Like To Thank The Academy
January 25, 2010
After more than a few emails, pm’s, and what have you, I’ve finally gotten around to reading the results of the 2009 Trippies Awards.
It appears that I have won one of the blog categories, and I have an official response.
First, I would like to say that it was an honor just to be nominated, and I would like to acknowledge my worthy opponents by saying …
LOSERS!
How’s my dick taste?
I kid. Maybe. I have no idea who I was up against, so if any of them are assholes, then I meant it.
Contrary to popular expectations, I’m not going to do the cliche’d Ed Vedder Grammy “I don’t know what this means, I don’t think it means anything” routine.
It obviously means something.
It means that people, most of whom I do not know, took 2 minutes (or however long it took) out of their day to pencil my name into a ballot, weigh it, put postage on it, and send it off. One of these days, we’re going to figure out a more efficient means of communication.
I’m not going to slap these people in the face by saying that their time didn’t mean anything.
Instead, for those of you who did vote for me, I offer my sincere and heartfelt “thanks for stiffing me for three years in a row before this you bitch ass motherf*ckers.”
Alright, in all seriousness, I do appreciate it.
I finished reading the results a couple of hours ago, and it looks like locals did pretty well this year, and I think that’s a good thing.
People think I’m a jerk who engages in territorial pissings when I harp on this subject, but I feel like I’m slightly misunderstood.
You see, in my opinion, Las Vegas is a miserable place to live. This was not as true in 2005, but I think it’s a fair statement now. Most of the folks here who do not work for the casino industry could probably make far more money and have more opportunities if they picked up and moved out of Las Vegas tomorrow. Everyone with an ounce of sense has already left, and it takes a certain level of intangible insanity and sadomasochism to stick it out here.
The unemployment rate here is high (and understated due to population shrink), and 80% of people are upside-down on their homes. Our schools are ranked dead-last in the USA.
We have the worst healthcare in the nation. Local colonoscopy centers are re-using needles and infecting people with hepatitis, and we have pregnant women being turned away from emergency rooms and giving birth to stillborn babies in their homes.
Crime in Rexville (and many other areas of Vegas) is significantly higher than the national average. We have thugs with badges patrolling our streets, and our largest newspaper folds like a cheap suit and sells out its readers as the editor declares “First Amendment? What’s that?”.
People are mean. I rescued a dog last weekend from a lady who cavalierly dumped a 4 month old puppy out onto the street and told me that she didn’t want it when I tried to return the animal.
Folks here can’t drive worth ass. It’s been 18 days since I’ve seen a turn signal. Our transit system is patently laughable, and our local government makes me pine for the integrity of Chicago politics.
The people here are stupid beyond belief. If I get correct change for a dollar in this town, I drive to Primm and play the lottery because I figure it’s my lucky day. Finding someone who understands English here is like finding a four leaf fucking clover.
To compound it all, the weather is just awful. It’s not even remotely hospitable. Look around at the 5000′ dirt hills. Even mother nature abandoned the place, and the BLM is trying to remove the few creatures that we have left. Because of the harsh climate, Las Vegas exists solely at the pleasure and whim of NV Energy, a monopoly which is completely unregulated by our public officials.
When measured by all typical yardsticks of livability, Las Vegas is the worst place in the known solar system to reside.
So, despite the overwhelming negatives, why do people stay here?
I can’t speak for everyone, but there comes a point in time when Las Vegas, for better or worse, just becomes a part of who you are. When I spend the weekend in New York, Los Angeles, etc … I always press my nose against the glass when the plane begins to descend into McCarran, because I can’t wait to catch a glimpse of the Stratosphere which tells me that I am home. For this reason, I always make it a point to book a window seat on the right side of the plane whenever possible. I am not kidding.
Three minutes after I land, I start bitching about the place, but that’s just part of the relationship I have with the town. I hate it, and it hates me. I’m not sure this is a completely bad thing, though. The opposite of love is indifference, and the day I become indifferent about the place … it’s time to go.
Just when I feel I am at the end of my rope with this town, I stop and realize what I am doing. I am cursing the city as I am walking to the world’s largest bikini parade. I’m yelling and screaming at drivers on Spring Mountain Rd. because they are delaying my arrival to the Adult Entertainment Expo. I shout at the heat as I am crossing a pedestrian bridge on my way to play swim-up Blackjack at the Tropicana. I bitch every time I take a bad beat, not remembering that these same crappy players have been the source of many a free meal. I cool my temper by plugging quarters into a Sigma Derby machine while watching a goofy cast of drunken characters scream at metallic horses. I end a day of abject frustration by eating $1 shrimp cocktails (now $1.99) and then I stand in front of a hippie bus to watch a lady belt out Janis Joplin tunes in costume.
It is then that I realize, I am this godforsaken hellhole. The dichotomy that I think exists …. doesn’t. We’re both equally as fucked up. I am Sid, the town is Nancy. I hold the belt in my teeth while the city holds the nail.
It is because of my own hostile relationship with Las Vegas that I have developed a bit of an “us vs. them” mentality. Even though I do not know them, I have an odd respect for some of the people who are neck deep in shit with me. People who, despite the overwhelming negatives of the place, somehow hang on and survive.
The media here is literally collapsing around itself, and any journalist with two neurons inside of their skull should be running away in panic. Richard Abowitz has skills that could easily land him a mainstream writing job in a far more literate city. That doesn’t immediately appeal to him, though. Instead, he stays, starts his own site, reads classic literature, listens to Dylan … and dates porn stars.
Steve Friess is kind of out there. He has an impressive resume that grants him access to Steve Wynn and Sheldon Adelson, he writes impressively honest articles detailing his own experiences with the local housing collapse, yet he somehow still makes time to let Perez Hilton know that he is “vermin”.
For Christ’s sake, our most instantly recognizable writer wears an eye patch and gets in fights with Criss Angel.
People say I am hostile toward outsiders, but I generally don’t spend much time thinking about them. I’m far too apathetic. I could not give a shit less about celebrities, and I just do my own thing. Our well-known “legitimate” journalists have far more running feuds than I do. Has anyone not had a nuclear war with Aubrey O’Day yet?
From the blogger with two readers to the “almost famous” … everyone here is pretty screwy, and I mean that in the most endearing way.
They have carved out a niche’ for themselves, have made it work, and even if I disagree with them (which I typically do), I’m glad they are here doing it.
I don’t dislike our visiting journalists, bloggers, and pundits. I am 99% sure that most of them are stellar individuals. I haven’t been here very long myself.
It takes balls to move here, though, and takes even bigger stones to stay when the going gets rough or in this case, really rough. For that reason … be they awards, recognition, revenue, writing gigs, or whatever … I have a strong preference to see the spoils go to those that are here.
If that makes me a bad person then it makes me a bad person, but it’s just my opinion and is nothing personal whatsoever against people who love the city 4 times a year. Obviously, our valued tourists and promoters are every bit as important to our local economy, if not more so. Hell, most of the people I hang out with are tourists, and they are all great people.
Except for Jeff Spain. He’s an asshole.
Anyway, this lengthy screed aside, allow me to return to the original point.
If there is one message, and only one message to be taken from the Trippies awards, it is this:
I’m better than all of you.
Written by Michael on January 25, 2010 at 12:34 pm
Every single Las Vegas-native will read this, nod fervently, and scream (or at least think), “I know EXACTLY what you mean.” The city is an addictive and horrifying train wreck that demands as much attention as it does horror and disgust, the urban equivalent of heroin.
Written by ChuckReis on January 25, 2010 at 3:11 pm
Without God none of this would have been possible…
Written by mike_ch on January 25, 2010 at 8:16 pm
It takes stones to live in “Rexville,” but the rest of the city is generally pretty relaxed. I don’t know why I’m continuing to make a living here, though. I spent three months in the hometown I came here from and had as many job interviews as I have had here in three years.
Written by atdleft on January 25, 2010 at 11:48 pm
“From the blogger with two readers to the “almost famous” … everyone here is pretty screwy, and I mean that in the most endearing way.”
Thank you, Vegas Rex. I’ve always known I’m screwy. I guess that’s really why I moved here. I’m a psycho biotch, so I feel right at home here.
Written by Ron from MI on January 26, 2010 at 2:04 am
Rex: Congratulations on you winning the nomination in the Trippies!
I do think people are coming around to see what Vegas is really like,both in the positive and the negative. I happen to believe that since the economy had gone into the toilet, the hype and hysteria went with it.
I think there are those who either visited here or even had the nerve of even the thought of living in a city that has a tough, desert-climate, or even go back for return visitation is gusty in itself. The thought of wanting to move there to work and live is double that. I think the main reason why people hate Vegas so much is one thing only: it’s sexy; and the other reason why some (or most) people love the city no matter what, is the same as the former: it’s sexy.
Sexiness often lures patrons into a town like this, whether its the gambling, the shows, the atmosphere and so on. It feels very real (compared to other cities across America,) until it starts to wear you down to a point where you want some dose of reality. You either get homesick and want to return home quickly, or even want to know more of the town, its people, its infrastructure, its mindset and so on, and become sad that you’re leaving town on a flight back east; it DOES have that effect.
I think the morbid side effect is that when they act on their desires and move into a place like Vegas, a dose of sheer reality sets in: housing is overpriced, wages are low, crime is high, community mindset is disoriented, educational system isn’t quality, distrust in public entities (corporations, unions, government, public safety, local media, to name a few,) break down in social norms (such as trust, community, kindness) and so on.
I think after 9-11, the people migrated to Vegas to live and work were mainly living in a depressed nation, both mentally and economically. Those who wanted change, or to find something new gravitated to Vegas, that trendy hotspot.
Michigan, for example, was (and is) very economically depressed. Nevada, which had a good run of boom times in the last decade, is now right up there in terms of foreclosures, bankruptcies, empty houses and unemployment. What comes around, goes around… Scary.
I think what Las Vegas (and vicinity) needs the most, and what it really needs, is to go back to basics of how it can work successfully, while still keeping its “Sin City” image. It should not trying to build or be something that is very pretentious just because its hip or a fast easy buck. It needs to take care of its own citizens while at the same time bringing in visitors by the planeload, the busload, or the carload. A city cannot sustain growth when its own citizens are down, mad, mean, rude, people who cannot speak or understand English, or even depressed. It will rub off on visitors to a degree which the impressionable visitor will notice…and it will give the wrong impression about Vegas.
Jerry Lewis, for example, lives in Vegas; he’s had his own love-hate issues of the city. He predicts that within 20 years, Las Vegas will become a ghost town due to mismanagement if its citizens,or the entities that hold influence in town (such as local government or the corporations,) refuse to learn from each other and make Las Vegas better and more user friendly to everyone and anyone. i feel that he’s not lying.
And because of that, I find it really scary. I almost moved here in 2006, and was eager and willing to go. However, by some trusty folks, I was talked out of it. Luckily, I could have been worse: My relatives in Nevada would probably not have helped me if I moved there. But then again, who knows?
Would I still visit? Am I still interested about this town? Am I interested of seeing what the town has in store for the next 5 to 10 years, positive or negative?
Yes.
I feel Las Vegas has its charms (such as record-breaking events, availability of choice, bizarre-yet-fun atmosphere) as well as its finds (such as Downtown and “Rexville.”)
Would I move here in a flash?
Unless I was paid a reasonable income to work here and had trustworthy connections, No.
I would use my common sense before anything else. I don’t want to end up unhappy due to trying too hard just to “fit in” with the community. As I said, Vegas needs to go back to basics to make a community work.
And I certainly don’t want Jerry Lewis’ predictions to become real: I hate to see this town become another Detroit, even though now its starting to look just like it.
Written by tully on January 26, 2010 at 3:10 am
Rex, many congratulations. A lot of time, effort, work and yes, cash from your own pocket, has gone into your blogging, and the award was well deserved.
After feeling profoundly pessimistic about LV’s future the past several months, there have been a few little things recently that give me some optimism:
Dumpy, low roller, Casino Royale is spending money to spiff itself up. Two or three years ago, I was waiting for the announcement any day that it had sold to HET. Don’t think that’s gonna happen now—-in a weird way, the economic downturn may have strengthened CR. Sometimes it pays to be affordable.
Last year, when Tropicana mouthpieces were talking about their remodeling plans, I was skeptical. But they are following through. Some of the executives involved with the transition from Aladdin to PHo are now at Trop. Maybe the vintage property will step up when Harrahs does what it will inevitably do to PHo.
And, F-blu has a buyer, and will hopefully get finished. Doubt very seriously if all the high end luxury planned for the place will be built, and that’s good. The Strip does not need any more upscale retail shopping areas, nor another wagonload of high-end restaurants. Hopefully, what gets completed is something that can appeal to the middle rollers that are the lifeblood of the Strip economy.
2010 could be an interesting year.
Written by briguyx on January 26, 2010 at 8:01 am
Richard Abowitz isn’t the only blogger whose skills could easily land him a mainstream writing job (hint: you’re on his site right now)…
Written by ColinFromLasVegas on January 26, 2010 at 2:52 pm
Nice article. You put alotta stuff into words that I probably couldn’t say right.
And congratulations on your award. Just don’t let it go to your head. We don’t want to see you strutting around the Strip with an Elvis pompadour, a gold lame suit, walking cane and blue suede shoes asking for fried peanut butter and banana sandwiches. DON’T LET FAME DRAG YOU DOWN TO THOSE DEPTHS!!!!
Written by Aaron on January 27, 2010 at 1:14 am
actually collin……I do want to see him strutin’ in a gold lame suit and blue suede shoes…….with “stayin alive” blasting in the speakers, rex struts through down-town winking, high-fiving and pointing to people…. It would be an instant youtube classic…..
Written by par88 on January 27, 2010 at 5:20 am
What the hell are the Trippies Awards?
Written by Ted Newkirk on January 29, 2010 at 3:22 am
Well deserved, especially since you 1. Didn’t campaign for it and 2. Are not part of the circle of bloggers and podcasters that promote it.
You are like a bad car wreck… we have to look. And besides… better you than Robin Leach.
I appreciate all you are doing to keep people from moving here. Keep telling them is sucks to live here! I spent the first 27 years of my life in Portland, Oregon (born and raised). Never had even the slightest thought of moving back. I want my PT’s, my high-end buffets, my sunshine, and my night-owl lifestyle. Oh… and hot chicks wearing next-to-nothing 8 months of the year. You will not find that in Portland.
The out-of-state bloggers/podcasters provide an interesting perspective. We living here can pretend to be tourists all we want. But we can’t recreate it. Home is always just a few minutes away. So, they have their place.
Hunter has a really specific niche that he does well. Tim and Michelle often admit they have no clue about something, but put in a hell of a lot of work with very little sponsorship and their listener voice mails really provide a good tourist perspective. VT and The Trippies are a brilliant marketing idea.
Any one of the above mentioned could move here and probably make a full-time gig of it. But you rightly point out that it isn’t all fun and games. Things like 9/11 or a recession come along and your revenue takes a hit and there is always someone nipping at your heels.
Hell… according to Quantcast, you are on the verge of passing Robin Leach in blog readership (casinoguide vs vegasdeluxe). Not bad.