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Ahh, Craig Ferguson. Gorgeous, funny, not the least bit Jewish, uncircumcised Craig Ferguson. He’s so awesome.

Recently, this particular funny guy/hunk was playing the MGM’s Hollywood Theater. He used to do the Orleans Showroom but it seems he’s moved up a bit in to the MGM. Very nice venue there at the MGM Grand. I usually do attend at least twice a year, more often if I need a hearty laugh or two. It seems he comes to Vegas every three months or so.

Maybe you’ve seen him on the Late, Late Show with Craig Ferguson on CBS. It is on after Letterman. He’s a good screenwriter, author, talk show host, comedian and actor. His last regular gig was Drew Carry’s boss.

He is a must see in person. He’s completely relaxed on stage and the hilarity just flows. This is not a G-rated show, but I’d be hard pressed to find anything offensive about it. Oh yeah, I couldn’t get a front row seat. I did find that rather offensive. Oh, and he didn’t send me a free ticket. I deserve a free ticket, don’t ya think? haha

I really enjoy his audiences. I feel so young. But seriously, his audience is 90% women who are over fifty. Most are with their girlfriends and sneaking out for their hottie fix. Some bring their husbands, but there are a LOT of ‘fluffy’ women in their fifties and sixties in there. Always. I got to thinking about this.

Craig Ferguson is in his mid-forties. You’d think he’d have a younger crowd in there, but no, always old women just panting for him. I think I figured out why.

You see, when a woman reaches an age around fifty she starts menopause. One of the issues with menopause is that you’ll wake up in the middle of the night, usually covered in sweat, but that’s another story. So, we wake up and go, “Damn, might as well turn on the TV until I fall asleep again.” Guess who is just starting his show? This gorgeous, young thing who is funnier than hell. Then we gently drift off into slumber land with a big grin on our faces. Hence, Craig Ferguson’s audiences are elbow to elbow with menopausal ladies just dying to kiss him, touch him, do anything for him and to him. I’m really surprised no one has started the panty tossing.

There is this part of his act he has always done in the shows I’ve attended. I think many in the crowd have heard it before and everyone eagerly awaits it. It is a story of when he first discovered drugs as a teenager in Scotland and was waiting in anticipation for months to see a Deep Purple concert. As soon as he starts doing the bass line of Smoke on the Water, everyone who has heard the story before starts cracking up. It is one of his best stories and never gets old. I won’t ruin it for ya by trying to repeat it.

I was sitting next to a woman who was about sixty. She was sort of crotchety and stuffy but I just kept on talking to her. If I made a funny I would laugh for her and for me as well. Hey, I knew I was going to see a great show. I dunno, maybe I just didn’t get her, but I kept right on talking to her. She was in Vegas on business and isn’t real fond of our fine city. She didn’t have anything else to do so she bought a ticket for the show. She had only seen Craig Ferguson for a few minutes once on his Late, Late Show. I warned her she was going to REALLY enjoy this show. She grumbled and made it clear she had her doubts.

That man had her rolling with laughter shortly after he took the stage. She only stopped laughing to take a breath here and there. She was actually grinning when the show was over. Craig Ferguson had cured her, if only for a night.

About midway through the show a horrible rumbling started on the right side of the room. My first thought was we were having a doozie of an earthquake but the ground never moved. It was really unnerving but surprisingly, everyone stayed put in their seats and pretended it wasn’t happening. Ferguson couldn’t stand it anymore and started talking about it, trying to figure out what it was. He said he was a little scared, as I was. He managed to get the attention of an employee about it right in the middle of his act. He was even funny through that.

I’ve got to hand it to the Las Vegas audience. There was no panic. Everyone just denied it was happening. Maybe it is the price of show tickets in this town. I’m sure most people were thinking, “Hey, I paid sixty-nine fucking dollars for this ticket and this guy is going to give me sixty-nine fucking dollars worth of entertainment before I run.”

As it turned out, it really was his microphone that was causing it. He didn’t believe it when he was told and I think nobody else believed it either. Once he started using the new mic the rumbling never happened again. That is quite the bass system. It was forgotten for the rest of the show.

I thoroughly enjoyed myself, as always, at this Craig Ferguson performance. He is one talented guy. I love his movies too. That “Saving Grace” is such a sweet, heart warming but rebel movie. In another movie, I think it is “The Big Tease” he does this little happy dance in his jockeys. OMG. If you are a woman and haven’t seen it, Netflix it. Trust me. Anyway, fine screenwriter, absolute hunk, awesome stand-up, gotta love him. And I’m not just saying that because I’m part Scottish.

So, Mr. Craig Ferguson, thanks for the great show. And yes, bloggers in Vegas DO have cameras with them all the time. Thanks for noticing. Feel free to do something interesting in front of me any time.

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