In Honor of the Las Vegas Timeshare Greeter
October 31, 2008
We’ve all seen them. We’ve all been forced to talk to them.
The suited, ever-smiling ambassadors of goodwill at the entrance to every mid-level casino. The timeshare greeter.
greeters in training
What I have never understood is … why do people find them so annoying? These people are some of our greatest employees, and the only people who get annoyed at them, are the people who have not figured out how to use the timeshare folks for their own entertainment, or claim them as personal therapists.
We’ve all heard these lines a thousand times …
Excuse me, sir … how long are you in town for?
Would you be interested in seeing a free show?
Hello, how are you enjoying your vacation?
Yes, these people seem very friendly and interested in your vacation indeed. And the human social structure teaches us that we should answer these questions. And it is exactly this social expectation that the timeshare folks are taught to exploit. They are taught that human nature dictates that people respond when confronted with such questions … even when we don’t want to. And how many of you have fumbled for excuses when confronted with these greeters … “Uh, I’m catching a flight in an hour.” … “I already have a timeshare.” … “I accidentally locked my kid in the car and I have two minutes to unlock the door before he asphyxiates.” … even if it’s a lie, as humans, we feel compelled to respond.
Luckily, the laws of human nature do not apply to me. I am about as socially backward as an individual can be. But being an anti-social misanthrope is not always a bad thing.
It actually enables me to teach others how to make life more enjoyable for themselves.
Yes, it’s a paradox, but life is funny that way.
Which brings me to my point. The Las Vegas timeshare greeters can easily be converted from persistent pest, to part of the interactive entertainment experience of our fine town. The possibilities are endless. By interjecting themselves into your life, these greeters become part of your acquaintance circle … the part that you can mercilessly use or abuse at will. After all, they wanted to know about your plans and how you were doing. So the only decent thing to do is tell them.
Before leaving for your next trip to Vegas, I urge each and every one of you to plan your timeshare greeter entertainment replies. The looks you will get are easily as fun to watch as a Cirque show (If not more, how many times can you see the same act on a different set?).
Allow me a few replies to get you started, all have been used by me at one point in time with varying degrees of entertainment, largely depending on my mood.
Would I like to see a free show? Hell yes … lift up your skirt.
Didn’t I see you on America’s Most Wanted? Someone get security! (Then persistently swear for 5 minutes that you saw the guy on America’s Most Wanted.)
When fucking a goat up the ass, which do you think is more humane, K-Y or Vaseline?
Hey (insert name tag here), I remember you from the Methadone Clinic! (Trust me, if you pull this off sincerely, they will get looks from their fellow employees and that tiny seed of doubt will always be planted.)
How long will I be in town? Long enough for you to give me a blow job.
You can see where I am going here. Depending on your mood, you can be either mean or light-hearted about it. They are used to being told to simply “fuck off” and are used to being ignored. This is not fun for you … the entertainment consumer. The point is to catch them off-guard. Stun or confuse them if at all possible. And let the hilarity ensue.
Or if you you need more than an offhand remark to make you feel better, then do you realize what you just found? That’s right, a $200/hour therapist provided by the house free of charge to you, the valued customer.
There is absolutely no reason to get annoyed at the time share therapists if you learn how to make them your personal sounding boards. They are your free listeners for the duration of your stay. Stop and tell them about how your boss has really been getting on your nerves lately. And go into detail. Tell them about those pesky anal warts that just won’t seem to go away, even though you have tried three different ointments. Wistfully tell them about your fond memories with a deceased grandparent, who herself owned a timeshare … and then explain that it would bring back too many painful memories to ever set foot in one again. If you can make yourself cry, all the better. Tell them about your family problems, your health problems, your fetish for small furry animals … anything that comes to mind.
Remember, these people approached you and genuinely asked how you were doing. It would be rude not to tell them, and even more rude not to go into painstaking detail.
And always end the conversation by saying “Thanks for listening”.
Las Vegas visitors
Las Vegas visitors
On your next trip to Las Vegas, please do consider spending some quality time with our fine timeshare therapists. If nothing else, it helps keep them occupied for a few moments so they might possibly leave me the fuck alone!
Thanks for listening.
Written by Billy on April 7, 2009 at 4:01 am
Hey Rex,
I am a timeshare greeter. I feel that what you have just describe could be a great strategy but definitely not many people will catch on it. It’s not that people are educated enough not to. It’s that they can find better ways to use us. We are not only the timeshare greeters that want to get you in a tour. We also provide the best customer service there’s in Las Vegas. We, as part of our work, know more about Las Vegas and its attractions than 98% of all the other Hotel and Casino crew, even than some concierges.
Now, you must have had the bad experiences of almosty everybody else, as there’s a bunch of greeters who misrepresent the job and the places they work for.
Keep it cool, am also a misanthrope and there you have me, playing the game.
Written by fasteddy on November 15, 2009 at 8:23 am
The main complaint is misrepresentation! They act as if they are interested us having a good time. Not so. Thwy claim that they will give us show tickets. Not so.