ONLINE GAMBLING AND CASINO GUIDE

Given that there is an absolute dearth of “big” information coming from The Strip over the past couple of months, and given that there is an even larger void of projects which are actually reaching completion, things that would normally be greeted with a collective yawn are now starting to get some interest.

Case in point … a new Walgreens opened up directly adjacent to the Palazzo.  Yeah, Walgreens.  The kind of store you find in any city in the USA.  Despite its ubiquity, after I made a live update yesterday, I arrived home to an assortment of emails asking about the place:

“Do they have booze?”
“Do they have a pharmacy?”
“Does it look the same or is there anything unique about it?”

I could not answer the questions because none of these things seemed important to me.  I simply looked at the outside of the store, snapped a shot, and moved on.

As it turns out, inquiring minds wanted to know, and I had to pick up a few items this morning anyway, so I went to what I now call “The Mighty Walgreens”.   I did some shopping, took a few photos, answered a few reader questions via BlackBerry, and when I was done banging out the last reply … realized that I was standing on the Vegas Strip holding a plastic bag with a toothbrush and some other personal items.

Obviously, I wasn’t about to just jump in my car and go home.  I was parked in the freaking Palazzo for the love of God.  I can’t possibly waste this golden toothbrush-obtaining moment when one of the finest casinos in Las Vegas was perched atop my car.

The hook was set and I was reeled in.

I toted my Walgreens’ bag around the fairly empty Palazzo floor looking for something that inspired me.

It was early, about 10am, and there wasn’t much going on with regards to table games.  There was a craps table with a little action, and some sporadic Blackjack, but one of the most crowded tables on the casino floor was “War”.

Yeah, War.  “I bet that my card is higher than yours” War.  The one you played when you were 5 years old and were trying to get the little girl to show you her pink panties in the sandbox “War”.  “You got a six, if my card is higher, you have to show me your …”

Fine, maybe that was just my version of the game, but the point is that the strategy of this endeavor is pretty silly, and it never ceases to amaze me that such high-end properties, like the Palazzo would even offer this game.

But hey, what do I know?  Apparently people like it.

I thought about playing a hand or two, but I didn’t want to insult my own intelligence.  I would have none of that mindless drivel, so I turned my attention to games of skill played solely by true intellectuals .  Slots.

Honestly, I wasn’t going to play any slot machines on this trip, but then I saw this game:

If you are in on the joke, you will know why this is amusing.  Otherwise, you will just have to use your imagination.

Now, I usually win, and win big when playing with sheep, but this time, everything I put into the sheep completely disappeared … if you know what I mean.  I took everything I had in my pocket, and shoved it forcefully into the sheep, but I just didn’t get the payoff that I usually do.

To be fair, I usually prefer goats, so this could account for some of the disappointment, but I gave it my all.

I don’t think I hit a single winning spin, and I was left completely unsatisfied.

Fortunately for me, I turned around and found a brand, spanking new Hex Breaker machine.  As several folks know … this is my favorite slot machine.  The one near the Bellagio lobby is my favorite specific machine, but this one was so … shiny.   It looked like a virgin Hex Breaker.  I literally had to suppress an erection.

Once again, I reached into my pocket, extracted what little I could find this time (Doh!), and tried to reverse my fortune.

I did a little better this time. I got up big on my second spin and doubled my money.  This is the point at which I usually walk, but I didn’t know how long this Hex Breaker would remain so pristine and untouched.

It’s like having the forethought to do Pamela Anderson while she still lived in Canada, shortly before moving to Los Angeles.  You just knew it would be the last opportunity you would ever have to play with her without getting sloppy seconds, or thirds, or eight thousand fifty ninths.

This is exactly how I felt about my beloved Hex Breaker machine.  It had just turned 18, and was overflowing with pristine sensuality.  I had to play her more.  I had to make sweet button-pushing love to her all morning long.  And so I did … and it cost me every penny I had.

I was literally left with nothing.

Laugh at the analogies if you will, but slot machines have more in common with human females than most people are willing to acknowledge.

At least I had my new toothbrush from the newest property on the Strip to console me.

Being that I was already there for sundries and slots, I also took some time to get some updated shots of the Palazzo casino and lobby itself.

The Palazzo is often declared the loser in the Wynn/Venetian rivalry, but I don’t really share this view.  I call it a draw.  If it is strictly a battle of the “Part 2′s” Palazzo vs. Encore, I actually prefer Palazzo by a nose.

Not only is the casino more spacious, but there are actually more things to see.  They have “themes” in the lobby (the current one is Spring), and the Palazzo is within close proximity to the Grand Canal Shoppes complex, complete with Gondoliers.

The Venetian actually did the “here’s another one of the same” concept with Palazzo, which is why Encore didn’t excite me as much.

I still find it somewhat of an inconvenience that neither property has a Sports Book (Palazzo has a Sports Book downstairs but not a Poker Room) or Poker Room, forcing you to walk to the primary anchor property, but such is the burden of the stepchildren casinos.

My visit this morning also happened to coincide with the first anniversary of the Jersey Boys show.  The theater is getting a bit of work and Jersey Boys table graphics are saturating the floors, and the casino is marketing the show fairly heavily.

They have also installed a giant Rapid Roulette station at the bottom of the overpass escalators, but as you can see, it certainly was not getting any action on this particular day.  As a matter of fact, it was closed.  Make of that what you will.

I remain a big fan of the Palazzo, both the casino and the rooms.  It is very spacious, easy to navigate, and in my opinion, the casino floor feels more upscale than the Bellagio.  The location is also pretty good.  The entire Wynn complex, Treasure Island, and Fashion Show Mall are all 5 minute walks from the Blackjack tables.  It has been, and remains one of my favorite high-end casino floors on The Strip.

Now that I have discovered the brand spanking new Hex Breaker, I may be back here a little more often than usual.

Next time I am going to stick to my bankroll management strategy, though.

Not even an 18 year old Pam Anderson is worth every cent you have.

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