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The Bellagio Conservatory unveiled their “Summer” display today, and I must say, they have redeemed themselves.

The last few creations have been a little underwhelming by historical standards, but they seemed to have allocated a few more resources this time around.

The centerpiece of the display is a gigantic “B” ferris wheel, and they have also added a live bird display.  They are still re-using some elements, such as the watering pots from the Spring layout, and there are no major animatronics or trains … but this still works.

It is actually one of the better displays of the last 12 months.  Props to the design team.

This theme will also be around until Labor Day, so what you see here is what you are going to get for many months to come.  Sometimes they add a few extra patriotic elements for Memorial Day, but this will be the core design.

After hanging in the display for a bit, I (of course) headed to my favorite slot machine in all of Las Vegas.  I never go to the Bellagio without paying homage to the “original” Hex Breaker machine.  This was the first HB machine I ever played on a regular basis.

I’ve since discovered Hex Breaker 2, and I like it. Especially the pristine, virgin machine at the Palazzo … but it’s just not the same as my old friend at the Bellagio.

Before Hex Breaker, I always eschewed electroslots.  If it didn’t have an arm, I typically did not play it.  I liked the tactile feel of grabbing the big crank and yanking it.  It made me feel like I was 15 years old again.  And 16.  And 32.  And 38.  And it reminds me of yesterday at 3:21pm.  And 3:34pm.  And 3:45pm.

I rue TITO (I liked the coin hoppers) and I hated the proliferation of electroslots at the turn of the century, but I more or less gave in and got with the times based largely on this game.

I still prefer the slots with handles, but I’m no longer an electroslot snob and I will now play them.  One has to speak to me, though, and for some reason Hex Breaker does.  If you asked me to explain it, I would not be able to.  Everybody just has their favorite video electroslot, and few of them could articulate a logical reason behind their favoritism.

I played HB for a solid 20 minutes, and walked away with close to what I sat down with.  I got a minor score here and there, played it down, hit a medium score, played it down, hit a minor score … you know the drill.  They’re slots.  Describing a slot session is like describing the color blue.  People who’ve never seen the color blue won’t understand, and people who have seen it don’t need an explanation.

After failing to break my hex on any appreciable level, I made my way over to the lounge overlooking the Bellagio pool.  To make up for my cheaping out yesterday, I grabbed a pastry from Jean Philippe Patisserie’s. Their service is good, and it is not uncommon for me to grab something here when I hang at the Bellagio.  There are comfortable sitting and dining areas nearby, and it is a very relaxing area where you can whip out your laptop, and sit in air-conditioned comfort while watching tourists from around the world frolic in the Bellagio Pool.  It also used to be a decent place for tailspotting.

Much to my chagrin, the pool offered little in the way of eye candy today.  As has been the trend in Las Vegas for the last several years, salami outnumbered clam by at least 5 to 1.  There was more dick in this place than a Richard convention.  If the Bellagio had hired a live band to play at the pool, it would have been Wang Chung.  There were more peckers here than a bird sanctuary.  You would have had a better chance spotting a hot female in a gay bath house than the Bellagio pool.

Damn, I’ve almost completely run out of euphemisms for pool sausagedom.  That’s how bad it’s gotten.

Suffice to say that Vegas pools simply have too many dudes, and this is very bad for the city.

Poor odds, high costs, and poor service are the most oft-quoted reasons that Vegas is struggling, and I agree with all those.

I do, however, firmly (heh, I said “firmly”) believe that the proliferation of pole and our diminishing number of truly hot women is one of the top ten reasons that we are in trouble.

Our pools lure males here nationwide with promises of hot women, yet we do not deliver.

Here are a few pictures I took this week.  These are pool party ads that are published in our local papers and promotional publications.

Count the men in these ads.  Other than the fruitcake in the pink tu-tu in the Palms ad, there aren’t many dudes to be seen.  Now, go to one of these pools or pool parties.

If you are able to spot women of this quality at any pool in Vegas, without at least ten times as many guys … I’ll kiss your ass in front of the Clark County Courthouse and give you an hour to draw a crowd.

It’s complete fiction.

And so was today.  I sat in the lounge and enjoyed the psuedo-poolside web surfing, but half-naked, old, and wealthy dudes just don’t do anything for me.  They may get Encore patrons aroused, but I just can’t get into it  … so I packed it in and headed back into the casino for a little more gaming.

It was not very crowded, nor was the rest of The Strip this weekend.  It may just by my perception, but crowds seem to be off ever so slightly.  We had a mad rush in March that carried over into April, but we seem to have peaked for the moment.

Despite Oscar’s bold declaration to the contrary, it is not the summer tourist season yet, so this may just be the calm before the Memorial Day storm.

Either way, the Conservatory is duly prepared, and the place looks cool.

Next time you are in town, be sure to stop by the Bellagio and check it out.

Do yourself a favor, though, and skip the pool.

Unless you’re a Roman gladiator.

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