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Since I spent both Friday and Saturday nights Downtown, I decided to spend Sunday hanging out on The Strip.

I jumped on the Monorail at the Sahara station en-route to the MGM Grand, and as I was buying my dollar locals pass, I struck up a conversation with the booth monkey.

While most monorail booth monkeys are rude, contemptuous, or indifferent creatures … this particular young lady was actually quite nice.  I almost feel bad calling her a “booth monkey”, but I’ve grown to love the monikers that I have invented.  They are each like one of my cherished glue-sniffing children.

I know that self-important titles are all the rage these days, so maybe I should reconsider my description of other people’s occupations.  Perhaps “senior monorail ticket engineer” is more appropriate.

In any event, while the booth monkey (sorry, it just flows better) was filling out the eight hundred pages of paperwork in order to sell me two $1 passes, I decided to ask her what was going on with the system.

I told her that it was becoming harder for me to buy locals passes since the booths themselves were only open 7 hours a day at two stations and the monkeys were typically at lunch or in the bathroom for six of those seven hours.

I asked her if the system was getting ready to close up.

“Oh no”, she said “This is just temporary.  We are going to open all the booths back up when the system is finished.”

As the world’s most prolific Vegas monorail rider, this statement piqued my interest, so naturally I had her elaborate.

According to this particular rail employee, the Monorail company is currently in the process of scouting platform locations for four additional stations.  One at Fremont Street, one at The Stratosphere, and one somewhere in between.  Not only that, but she assured me that the rail would go to the airport in the near future.

Of course, I laughed when I heard this, but she was quite alert, articulate, and enthusiastic.

She explained to me that CAT was getting rid of several buses (she specified the 108 and two others), and she explained to me that the Monorail would be the official replacement for the buses.

At this point, I went into full rail geek mode.

I told her that I thought the rail should side-step west to Casino Center Blvd, and I went into painstaking detail as to why this should happen.  “Imagine an elevated train running through our urban core”, I said, “our city would finally have a real transit system instead of a shuttle from one casino parking garage to the next.”

As we were talking, I had to take great pains to conceal my arousal.  I wanted to hump her leg while  screaming “Tell me more about the airport station!”.

Imagine a train that stops next to my home, and serves 90% of my sphere of being.  Gambling Downtown, Business Downtown, Central Las Vegas, (some of) The Strip, and McCarran.

If this actually happens, I may never drive again.  I will push my car off a cliff and urinate on the charred remains of the frame.  Not that I need to push it off of a cliff to cause it to burst into flames.  Since it was made in America, it’s really only a matter of time before this happens spontaneously.

Anyway, I have no idea how probable any of this really is.  Her specificity regarding bus route elimination was convincing, but she never explained where the money would come from, so I remain aroused yet unconvinced.

After getting this “news” to chew on, I hopped a south-bound train, and the first thing I noticed was that all of the station announcements had been changed.  That’s right, for the first time in three years, the announcements were finally different.  All of them.  Perhaps they were working on the rail after all.

The Hilton announcement about the Klingons was changed to “This is the largest Hilton hotel in the world.   The Hilton needs all of those rooms just to house Barry Manilow’s fans.”

Remember, I said that the announcements were “different”, not “less corny”.  I would still like to choke the s**t out of whoever the Monorail company hires to write the automated voice dialog.

When I got to the MGM, I alighted the train and made my way to the pool to meet with some folks who were in town for a few days.  I checked out the always-loud Backlot River Pool for a bit, but eventually settled next to the water at MGM’s ill-named “Adult Pool”.

The pool was nice and relaxing, but the only thing “Adult” about it was a complete lack of children.  My companions and I tried our best to scope out hot chicks, but they were few and far between … and there was not one uncovered boob in the whole place.

This is pretty much par for the course, so I wasn’t surprised … just disappointed as usual.

I reminisced about how most of the pool was a huge amusement park, and after my trying for an hour in vain to find bare melons, we made our way back inside, and I got a few shots from the room.

I verbally envied the view of the runway threshold, because not only am I an urban rail geek, I’m an avid plane-spotter as well.  I remember specifically requesting an airport view instead of a Strip view at the Tropicana on one trip, and I remember sitting at the window of that room for half of the morning watching planes takeoff and land in the rain.

“Damn Rex, you’re weird.”

Eat my ass with a side of Jello and tell the world something they don’t know.

Anyway, after hanging for a bit, I collected two jars of mustard (seriously), bid my friends a fond farewell and headed down to the belly of the beast.  My mustard and I made our way to the MGM Poker Room, got on the waiting list, and after what seemed like forever … finally got into a game.

It took me about 90 minutes to make a 20% profit, so the game was uneventful, but the crowds were of note.

Despite the abhorrent economy, Vegas has no shortage of warm bodies right now.  There are people here.  Lots of them.  Not 2006 numbers, but enough to make you scratch your head and wonder “What recession?”.

If you haven’t been here recently, but have seen our dismal numbers, you might be surprised when you arrive to find copious amounts of people.

It is very deceiving.

Your first instinct will be to believe that the accountants must have put a comma or a decimal in the wrong place.  There is no way we could be so far in the hole with such a large number of tourists milling about.  The MGM lobby was quite busy for a Sunday afternoon.

Alas, the presence of people doesn’t mean that those people are spending.

A large percentage of our visitors are people who come here to relax in the sun, look at the free attractions, and eat in the food court.

People are getting great deals on rooms, and it’s cool to see them taking the offers, getting away for a few days and temporarily forgetting about lay-offs, reduced hours, foreclosures, and whatever other problems they may have back home.

I’m sure the casino executives disagree, but I am glad to see people enjoying the town on their own terms.

One of my readers made a brilliant comment last week:

“Vegas used to make the average feel like the elite.  Now they make the elite feel like the average.”

The casinos created a self-fulfilling prophecy by treating common tourists as unworthy cretins, and now the bill has come due.  We made massive short-term gains from this strategy, but everyone with more than two firing neurons was well-aware that it could not be sustained.

With the obvious exception of Californians, normal folks aren’t trying to be hotshots anymore.

Average people are now content with being average, and it’s a beautiful thing.

As I hopped on the rail to make my way back north, I passed the massive City Center and the imposing Planet Hollywood Tower … each preparing to make their dramatic debut in the near future.

There is still much uncertainty and nervousness about the future of Las Vegas, but judging from the raw numbers, one thing quickly becomes apparent.

There is still a great deal of interest in Las Vegas, and as long as this interest exists, we do still have a fighting chance to undo the harm we’ve done to our valued guests.

The question remains, however, will the corporate bean counters seize the opportunity and make it right?

Will Vegas once again make the average feel like the elite?

It’s about as likely as the Monorail going Downtown, but when you spend a day looking at the eager faces of middle-America still staring up in awe at the massive structures lining Las Vegas Boulevard, you realize that it absolutely is possible.

Millions of people fell in love with the city once, and judging from their expressions, it appears that they are looking for any excuse to do so again.

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