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The Bikini Stampede

May 14, 2009

R&R Partners (the Public Relations firm that receives copious amounts of my tax dollars from the LVCVA) organized an odd promotional stunt today.

They succeeded in breaking a world record for “largest bikini parade”. The goal for the event was 300 girls. We did not meet the female numerical goal, enlisting only 281 women … but we did set the World Record.

The reason I say “we”, is because I paid for it. As did two million of my neighbors.

The Las Vegas Strip Bikini Parade

Now, before I go on to tell you that it was a fun event and that it was a very unique and interesting sight to behold, I am afraid I am going to have to kill the buzz for a moment.

First of all, none of the tourists had any idea what was going on. I actually had to yell at one lady (in retrospect I feel bad, but she was being rude). While I was busy adjusting shutter, aperture, and doing my best to frame shots with the sun in my eyes, a very attractive but very annoying young women from another country kept shouting in my ear.

“What is this?” she asked.

“Bikini parade”, I replied.

“Why a bikini parade?” she asked in broken english.

“They are trying to set a world record”, I said, half paying attention to her at this point.

“What does that mean? What does that mean … world record? What is a world record?”, she asked at least three times.

At this point I could not hold it in any longer. “Lady, does it say tour guide on my f**king shirt or do I just look like a guy who will drop everything he is doing to focus on you?”

She sulked away from me into the crowd, and I felt like an ass, but seriously … it was overtly obvious that I was f’ing busy. There were 200+ girls in bikinis in front of me. What was my motivation to explain the concept of a “world record” to a stranger from another culture? There was none.

It was hot, I was wearing layers of clothing to keep my photo stuff in pockets, the parade started late, and I was trying my damnest to get shots while this lady was playing 20 questions with me. I will be the first to admit that I am very short-tempered in the heat. I’m irritable, and I am generally not chatty or polite until I get back into the AC.

Dear Ms. Hot But Annoying (I just addressed every attractive female on the planet), if you happen to be reading this, accept my apologies. I am usually more tolerant, but when it’s pushing triple digits and I am trying to focus (literally), leave me alone. Thank you.

I have a greater point in this diatribe. The point is that I was approached by no less than 50 tourists in my two hours at Wynn and Fashion Show Mall who came up to me and asked “What’s going on?”.

The only people covering this event appeared to be the organizers and the local press. Not one single, solitary tourist had any idea that the parade was supposed to happen. Nobody showed up explicitly for it. Once it started, they stood by and watched with pleasant excitement, but it had to have been the most poorly publicized PR event in the history of Las Vegas.

It wasn’t just the tourists, though. I spotted one of my buddies from one of our esteemed local papers and he greeted me with “Hey, when did you find out about this? I didn’t know this was happening until this morning!”.

The fact is … this event was hastily planned, to the point that the organizers still had a Craiglist ad online over the weekend trying to put the 300th girls in place mere days before the event.

I learned from a freelance photographer on-scene that the event had initially turned away any girls with tattoos, but that the restrictions on appearance were greatly loosened as they realized that they did not have enough women. As a matter of fact, I swear a couple of the “girls” were “guys” at some point in “her” life.

I spotted at least a dozen writers/photographers/cameramen in the crowd who I knew on some level, and it was like a minor local social event. Since the parade started late (two hours late by some accounts), we had plenty of time to bitch about life in general.

I did my usual rant against R&R and the LVCVA, and I explained to one guy that each girl received $100 to participate in the event.

“That’s just the tip of the iceberg”, I explained.

“Do you see all of these police cars?” I said pointing up and down Las Vegas Boulevard. “There are at least 20 of them … not counting the ones at the Las Vegas Sign. How much do you think that is costing us in overtime?”

The Las Vegas Strip Bikini Parade

Las Vegas Sign

My observation started a discussion amongst us all, and some anger was expressed during the conversation. Most of us agreed that the cost of this event was not worth the publicity, and that it was a colossal waste of money. I’ll be interested to see if that opinion makes it into print in any of the “mainstream” rags. My guess is that it will not.

But enough logic. People don’t come to Vegas (or Vegas sites) to be immersed in the harsh realities of life, they come to escape it … so let’s get to the girls.

There were lots of them. Two hundred and eighty one of them to be exact. Most of them were attractive, most of them were friendly, and they were a diverse group. There was a girl here to fit everyone’s taste. White, black, asian, short, tall, skinny, cushion for the pushin, blonde, brunette … you name it, there was a girl here to stiffen your Oscar Mayer.

One of the event promoters, Holly Madison was also here. I don’t do “celebrities” or even acknowledge the notion of such, so someone had to explain to me who she was. Apparently, she was married to Hugh Hefner and took her clothes off blah blah blah … it didn’t really matter. She was bangable so I snapped her photo a few hundred times so I would have some material for the restroom at 2am when I have insomnia. Nothing makes you sleepier than … well, if you’re a dude I need not explain further.

I later learned from one of my forum members that she “might” be taking Kelly Monaco’s place in PEEPSHOW. It’s still a rumor, but there you have it.

Playboy Centerfold Holly Madison at The Bikini Parade

Mayor Oscar Goodman and Playboy Centerfold Holly Madison

Of course, Oscar Goodman was all over the city today as well. It was not only “Bikini Day”, but Las Vegas was also celebrating the 50th anniversary of the Las Vegas sign.

Oscar showed up at the sign, and in one of the most absurd things he as ever done (and that is really saying something) … in the face of centuries of astronomical observations and scientific conclusions, our Mayor “declared” that May 14th was now the official beginning of Summer.

Take that Galileo.

I’m pretty sure that the Mayor of Las Vegas does not possess that power, but I haven’t read the full text of the Patriot Act yet. It may very well be buried in there somewhere.

Anyway, all things considered, it was a fine day to be in Las Vegas.

There were a large number of locals-oriented pool parties, drink specials, the mood was festive and there were women in bikinis everywhere. What more could you possibly ask for?

Yeah, I can hear you through my monitor. Much like the Mayor has the power to change seasons, I have the power to actually hear what you are saying through my ethernet cable. I know exactly what you are saying.

“Shut the hell up, Rex. We didn’t click this post to listen to you yap. Make with the pictures already!”

Consider it done:

The Las Vegas Strip Bikini Parade

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Author: Rex
Date: 4:59 pm
Posted in: Attractions & Entertainment, The Strip

21 Comments »

Written by Rice on May 14, 2009 at 5:48 pm

I likey.

Thank you
Written by SPRUNT on May 14, 2009 at 7:16 pm

Some definite balsa-inspiring talent in there.

How long was the parade route? Most of those girls are wearing heels. They were probably all bitching about their feet by the end of tit…. err, it.
Written by Disco Stu on May 14, 2009 at 8:08 pm

You’ve outdone yourself, sir. Wow. Not a single bad pic. Not one.
Written by Rex on May 14, 2009 at 8:25 pm

Thanks, guys.

The parade route was very short.

They came out of Fashion Show Mall on the north side near Trump Tower, walked across LVB to the Wynn sidewalk, took a right, walked to the pedestrian bridge at Spring Mountain, went up the escalators, over the bridge, took the escalators down to the Fashion Show Mall outdoor area under the jumbotron, stood for the official count, then went back in the same door they came out of.

The “route” was only one block long “between Wynn and Spring Mountain, but since they went up and back and in the side entrance, they technically walked about three blocks and stood around for maybe 20 minutes.

It may have been the largest bikini parade, but it certainly wasn’t the longest.
Written by tully on May 15, 2009 at 2:32 am

Maybe I am missing something because I’m a woman, but perhaps the discerning gentlemen here can clue me in. What is so hot about this Holly Madison? Seems like a pretty high percentage of these women is better looking.

FWIW, in one of the Madison photos, there is a guy in a yellow shirt to her right, and a woman in a red bikini behind her (one of the pix near the top.) Suspect Ms Red Bikini was not born female.
Written by keith on May 15, 2009 at 4:46 am

Tully, I never understood the whole Holly thing either, nor the other 2 girls Hef was banging for that stupid reality show. Nor any of the other chicks that Hef generally prefers – fake blonde hair that’s almost white, fake tits, etc. If you ever see the 12 playmates for the year, it’s always 10 or so girls who look just like Holly, then a token brunette or redhead. maybe a black chick or a hispanic chick so it’s not all the same, all the time. then again, everyone has a preference.
You would think that a reality show about Hugh Hefner and his 3 girlfriends would be the hottest thing ever for guys, but i couldn’t last more than 2 minutes before i wanted to claw my brain out at how annoying they were. It’s weird how almost 3 times as many women watched that show than men.

then again, when you can get any porn for free online, playboy just loses all that it had going for it.

oh yeah, good job Rex.
Written by BigVinnie on May 15, 2009 at 5:44 am

For those who just woke up from a six year coma, Holly Madison is one of the three “Girls Next Door” reality TV series on the E! channel. She, along with Bridgette and Kendra lived in the Playboy mansion in L.A. with Hugh Heffner. She never married him, but spent the entire series of shows saying she was going to some day. She is originally from Alaska, and has nice (fake) hooters. She was the smartest of the trio, but that’s not saying much. The show has finished it’s run, with the girls leaving the mansion and getting their own (spin-off) shows on E!.
Written by philipj on May 15, 2009 at 6:05 am

Young man, you have out done yourself. Thank you! Now what are you going to do to up the ante on WOW factor?
Written by chance on May 15, 2009 at 6:11 am

Sizzling hot! They should make this parade an annual event to start off Oscar’s summer.
Written by Michelle on May 15, 2009 at 6:22 am

Yeah, ms. red bikini was probably a former male, as well as white with pink polka dots and black with white polka dots (just the bottom – top has yellow, black and white). Lots of tattoos too. I guess they really wanted to break that record.

Rex – I heard something about you almost getting abducted by hot girls in a van while there. Would you mind sharing the story? TIA
Written by SPRUNT on May 15, 2009 at 10:04 am

Hey, Rex. Think you can throw something like this together for June? We can flood FSE with bikini-clad women (and ex-men for the Huddlers out there) before heading East. Apparently all it takes is some Craigslist adds.
Written by Dan on May 15, 2009 at 2:08 pm

THIS IS YOUR GREATEST WORK OF ALL TIME
Written by Shamu on May 15, 2009 at 2:34 pm

May 14 is the new beginning for summer? I love it. The City of Las Vegas Municipal pools don’t open until May 30th but Oscar can declare anything he wants. I hereby motion that the Mayor of the City of Las Vegas not be allowed outside the city boundaries while on city business and further that he be made mute for the duration of his term.

Thanks for the eye candy Rex. I was trying to find out info on the parade or the route or sumthin but there was nothing other than the Craig’s list ad. I wanted to be there and take photos myself.
Written by Rich on May 16, 2009 at 11:20 am

I was in Vegas for this thing and you’re right about the lack of tourists for it. We just happened to be watching the local news that morning in our room at the Flamingo and they mentioned it was happening at 10:00 at the Fashion Show Mall. It sounded like an interesting event to check out and the wife doesn’t need much excuse to hit a mall so we headed over there just before 10. Needless to say nobody showed up till almost noon….finally…we were gonna leave.

Anyway I was surprised there weren’t more gawkers there myself. It just seemed to happen in front of passersby. I might have been standing near you at one point from some of your shots. Still it was fun spectacle and I got most of it on my camcorder so I’ll watch it at my, er, leisure at home.
Written by ColinFromLasVegas on May 16, 2009 at 6:13 pm

Very good article, Rex. I really enjoyed the real story and it made me laugh at some of the absurdity that is done in Las Vegas to try to attract tourists in these dismal economic times. They go from the innovative to the harebrained, and whichever one it is, we all pay for it in the end.

I think you messed up though.

You should have brought “Superfresh Homeboy” (Rex’s dog) with you. He could have served three purposes. First, he could have barked and looked ferocious and chased Miss HotButAnnoying away screaming, preventing that whole scene that you felt bad about. Second, he could have bit Mayor Goodman’s pants cuff and drug him around a little bit to add some life to things. And third (and most important), all these bikini clad gals could flock over, squat down, pet him and ask questions about the cute dog, thereby providing you with opening lines constantly and continually and making you the big hit of the parade.
Written by bigmama on May 17, 2009 at 6:28 am

It’s no rumor, Holly Madison was there for shameless promotion of her upcoming topless review at the Planet Ho.

http://news.yahoo.com/s/eonline/20090515/en_movies_eo/124143
Written by Dave on May 18, 2009 at 4:56 pm

I would have endured heatstroke to see that live, too bad I was in the office instead. One of these days, dare to dream. I’ll have to settle with your photos and video, which is really appreciated.
Written by Big Ben on May 19, 2009 at 5:20 am

The LVCVA is funded 100% by a county room tax. ROOM tax. Not your taxes, not my taxes. A room tax. The tourists pay for promotion of tourism.
Written by Rex on May 19, 2009 at 7:54 am

In my opinion, your logic is flawed.

You are making the argument that it is okay to squander tax money because of the source of it’s origination. This is illegitimate.

When taxes are collected, from any source, that money becomes the property of the people of the State of Nevada. When that money is spent, that money is spent by the people of the State of Nevada.

The room tax would not go away if the LVCVA went away, therefore, the LVCVA is diverting State revenue that could be better utilized.

Nearly all States have taxes on lodging, entertainment, sales, etc.

Tourism is part of a State’s revenue, and should be spent in a manner consistent with the best interest of the State.

If 5% of the 9% room tax is spent on slogans instead of say, public schools … then that revenue is made up from the local taxpayer.

If the 5% of room tax were spent on schools instead of silly slogans, then it would relieve the local taxpayer of that 5% burden.

Your state receives taxes from tourism as well. ALL States derive revenue from tourism, and the responsibility of government is to spend that revenue in a manner most consistent with the interest of the citizens.

If that money is misspent, then you … the local taxpayer and citizen … will suffer because of it, and the difference will come from the revenue you provide. If the revenue is not made up from the local taxpayer, then your local resources (schools, roads, etc) will suffer.

Wasted revenue, from whatever source derived, represents a net loss to the community, and it is a burden ultimately conveyed upon the local citizen and taxpayer.

Let there be no doubt about it whatsoever … the LVCVA is funded by money that belongs to the people of the State of Nevada.
Written by sam on May 22, 2009 at 8:32 am

FANTASTIC!! YOU THE MAN REX!
Written by Big Ben on May 29, 2009 at 5:25 pm

I never got a notification that follow-ups were posted, and was just stopping back by. You make great arguments. I don’t disagree entirely, but when tourism, and the gaming and entertainment that goes along with it, are the biggest industries of the state, then logically significant amounts of money needs to be spent to promote continued interest and tourism.

While the percentages and amounts of the room tax revenue spent on other things can be argued endlessly, it would not be a smart thing to limit spending on tourism promotion. That would be shooting ourselves in the foot.

As silly as slogans or promotional stunts maybe, they do help keep Vegas in the mind of people around the world. The bikini parade is an excellent example. I posted links to this blog and other articles about the bikini parade on my facebook and myspace pages, and I received more interest from my out-of-state friends about the bikini event than anything I’ve ever posted. As I see it, mission accomplished! It’s virtually impossible to translate the amount of money spent on this event versus the future revenue that might be generated from it, but it did indeed generate publicity beyond Nevada’s physical and virtual borders.

Love the blog here and at VegasRex.com!