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Gee, what could possibly go wrong with this …

From http://www.8newsnow.com/Global/story.asp?S=12686429 (not the Review-Journal):

Las Vegas law enforcement agencies are launching a new effort aimed at encouraging regular citizens to watch out for suspicious activity.

The program is called “See Something, Say Something”.  The program is designed to make average citizens the eyes and ears of law enforcement when officers aren’t around.

Authorities say a prime example of how well that can work is the attempted attack on Times Square in New York City.  Faisal Shahzad is accused of trying to rig a car bomb in the crowded New York City plaza. A street vendor, however, spotted smoke coming from the vehicle and reported it to authorities. Shahzad on Monday pleaded guilty to 10 terrorism and weapons counts.

To summarize — emboldened by one man’s reporting of a smoking vehicle, Las Vegas law enforcement is beginning a program which will encourage other people to report smoking vehicles.  Ostensibly, Las Vegans are so stupid that they would not think to report a smoking vehicle without a “program” in place.

LV Resident 1: “Hey man, that car over there is smoking, see it, the one that has ‘Death to Zionist Scum’ spray-painted on the side.  What should we do?”
LV Resident 2: “I dunno.  Should we go over and pet the car, you know … like a dog?”
LV Resident 1: “Well, nobody ever told me what to do in this situation, so yes, I think we should go over and pet the car like a dog.”

Seriously, this “program” is so ridiculous and insulting that I’m really not sure whether to laugh or cry.

More than anything, however, this program is downright frightening.  It’s very scary.

Is it “terrorists” that I am afraid of?

No.

What causes me the greatest distress in life is the knowledge that I am surrounded by, governed by, and policed by 98ers.

What’s a 98er?

Chances are, it’s you.  Generic “you”, not specific “you”.

I call people of average intellect “98ers” because the IQ of the average U.S. resident is 98.

Source: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/IQ_and_the_Wealth_of_Nations

“I suppose you don’t call yourself a 98er, Rex.  What makes you think you are smarter than everyone else?”

I’ll tell you what makes me think this.

Numbers.

I won’t go into detail about the hows and whys (it involved educational program opportunities), but twice, I was IQ tested as a child.

The results showed that I was, indeed, not smarter than everyone else.  I was, however, smarter than the vast majority of people.  I’ve no desire to getting into specific dick-measuring contests with Mensa members, but suffice to say that, if you are reading this, the chance of you being more intelligent than myself is very low.

As a matter of fact, if you have the IQ of an average American citizen, you are significantly less intelligent than I.  Running strictly off the numbers, if you have a dead-center average American IQ, then you are intellectually closer to a retarded person than you are to me.  Me talking to a person of average intellect is like an average person talking to someone with an IQ of about 50.  For those who are unaware, an IQ of 50 puts someone smack on the border of “imbecile” (IQ of 25-50) and “moron” (IQ of 51-70).

When I tell people that the movie Idiocracy is a documentary, they tend to roll their eyes and say something like “quoting Idiocracy is so cliche’”.  The problem is, that movie really is the way the world seems to me sometimes.  Especially in Las Vegas where I have no doubt that the average intellect is in the 60’s … 70’s at absolute best.

“Rex, I don’t think the source you quoted was able to estimate IQ’s with a great deal of accuracy.”

First of all, the quoted study is actually quite generous.  A different study which expands the data by 4 times found that the average human IQ is actually closer to 90.  Second of all, my own results were multiple standard deviations higher than the average in the linked study, so regardless of what the “accurate” average is, I’m still substantially above it.

“But Rex, IQ tests are culturally biased and are thus irrelevant.”

This is absolutely true to some extent, but the bias of IQ tests almost always results in someone getting a lower score than they would otherwise get on a “culturally correct” test.  While culturally biased IQ tests will almost surely result in “false negatives” for idiots, they are very unlikely to result in false positives for the top percentile.

What this means is that it is highly unlikely that I am really an idiot who just happened to get lucky by scoring well on a couple of culturally-biased IQ tests.  The tests results of an Aborigine are probably not terribly accurate, but that of a white Irish-half-Jew-American born and raised on the east coast of the USA is probably in the ballpark.

Anyway, instead of going around swinging IQ results around like a baseball bat in everyday life, I tend to use them to help me make sense of the world around me.  Understanding the very large discrepancy between myself and the overwhelming majority of people I interact with helps me cope.

For instance, when I was in Best Buy this weekend, I tried to explain to the cashier that the “extended warranty” she was trying to sell me for a $140 disk drive did not make mathematical sense.  I did not get angry at her when she persisted that I would be crazy not to buy it.  I mean, I started to get agitated, but then I forced myself to remember “She has no idea what you are talking about.  She’s a 98er.  She’s been trained like a seal.  There is no possible way that she can process the information you are giving her.  It would be like scolding your dog for not learning calculus.”  It sounds mean, but the only way I can understand certain human behavior is by equating it with other animal behavior that I can rationalize.

Instead of blowing up, I just kept repeating “no, but thank you”, until she relented on her 50th attempt.

Now, if all of the above angers or offends you, please do not shoot the messenger.  I did not make any of this so.  Frankly, I really, really, really wish that all of this were not the case.  I very desperately want the people around me to be smarter.  The world would be a better place.  I didn’t ask to be born, and I’m sure I would be a far happier person had I popped out a 98er.

I could cheer my favorite sports team with euphoric abandon, declare America #1 with absolute certainty, and best of all … I could finally buy an iPad.

I don’t see the world differently because I try to see it differently, I see the world differently because I am different … and lest you think this is some kind of brag-fest, honestly, I hate the way I am.

As it is, I stress about everything.  From major shit like world hunger to minor things like 6:5 Blackjack, everything torments me.  I can’t really enjoy anything, it’s just think, think, think, think, think.  It’s a miserable fucking existence that I would not wish on Steve Wynn.  Well, maybe Steve Wynn, but definitely not Oscar Goodman.  Okay, maybe Oscar Goodman too, but definitely, definitely not Carrot Top.

“So, Rex, are you calling me stupid?”

You specifically?  Actually … probably not.

If you read this blog, chances are that your intelligence is higher than average.

“What a load of self-serving shit, Rex.  Basically, if we read you, we’re smart, but if we read everyone else, we’re dumb.  How convenient.  Way to manipulate the audience.  Nice try, anal boy!”

I don’t blame you for thinking this one bit.  If someone said the same thing to me, I would tell them to go F themselves in their elitist ass.

I am however, being 100% honest.

You see, there are several theories which hold that sarcasm is generally a humor enjoyed by those with higher intelligence levels.  This is why I get so many blank stares from store clerks and random people on a day-to-day basis when I try to make sarcastic jokes.  Some of it is cultural (Asians are notoriously bad at understanding sarcasm because they are not exposed to it), but sarcasm requires a certain amount of non-linear thinking that transcends the basal “what you hear is what you get” instinct.  The less cognitively aware a person is, the less likely they will get layered levels of sarcasm.

Also, after some informal polling of my own, it appears that I have a statistically significant number of forum readers who are atheists (who are probably also blog readers).  Religion, patriotism, excessive optimism, belief in intangibles such as “bad words”, belief in the innate benevolence of “authority”, and adherence to “common knowledge” without question is generally the domain of the 98er.  As a matter of fact, the things I listed are the main instruments with which 98ers are controlled.

From my own observations, my longtime readers tend to be more skeptical of official sources, skew toward the cynical, and “bad words” are REALLY not an issue for them.  The “happy happy joy joy Vegas Baby!” crowd almost always refers to my readers as miserable, cranky, and negative– and I know that it’s meant as an insult, but the irony is that I consider it a compliment to my readers/participants.  When 98ers are yelling at your people for not being more like 98ers … you should count yourself fortunate, as I do.  I’m surrounded by 98ers in the real world, and I’m not sure that I want this to be the case online as well.

To summarize again, if you are reading my blog, then you are not an idiot.  You’re only an idiot if you read other blogs.  That’s my position, and I’m sticking to it.

Anyway, what was my point in this 1,500 word diatribe?

My point is that I am extremely scared of programs such as the LVMPD’s “See Something, Say Something” program.  It is a program being administered by 98ers for 98ers, and this will surely lead not just to a comedy of errors, but also outright abuses.

Hell, calling police officers “98ers” might even be optimistic.  At least one police department puts an intelligence cap on new hires because they have found that cops who get 27 or more questions correct (out of 50) are more likely to get bored, less likely to blindly obey orders, and are more likely to use common sense (such as escorting an unconscious person to the hospital).

I think we are all aware that people who blindly follow orders are of far-below-average intellect, and this tacit admission from one police department (I’m sure they aren’t the only ones who use this policy) merely confirms what we already knew.  Customer service agents, bank tellers, and security guards are sometimes held to the same “no smart people need apply” standard.

This being noted, when 98ers are turned into junior detectives by sub-98ers, I don’t think society gets safer, I think it gets more dangerous.

“Terrorism” is the new religion for the 21st Century, and make no mistake about it, human evolution is not that far removed from the Salem Witch Hunts.  We are still basically the same animal now that we were then.  When you instruct the 98ers of the world to go forth and look for terrorists, I promise you one thing:

They will find them.

Usually in places that they do not exist.

All across the country, photographers are being detained because of “terrorism”, people are being disallowed to gamble online because of “terrorism”, and the same reason is being used for all sorts of intellectually-deficient policies and practices.

When a 98er looks for a witch, a 98er will find a witch, and the other 98ers will cheer as that witch is burned at the stake.   If it’s later found out that the witch was not a witch at all, this will not deter the 98er.  They’ll find another witch.  And another.  And another, because goddammit … 9/11 changed everything.

I’ve seen the true instruments of terror, and those people which strike the most fear into my soul are the 98ers of the world.  Those who are convinced that there is a bogeyman behind every bush and a towel-headed monster under every bed.  These are the people who threaten the American way of life more than any camel-riding cave-dweller.  These, are the people who pose the greatest threat to your freedom.  “Regular citizens” have no business being deputized into de-facto Barney Fife’s.  They are not qualified.  They are just following the orders they are bombarded with on television.  They do not have the cognitive ability to distinguish fact from fiction.  This is a bad idea.

I’ve seen something, and I’m saying something.

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